Meet Bert Anderson

Bert, we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hopes that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
I remember the first time I came face to face with this thing that I always tried to hide. I was sitting in my doctor’s office alone, I was a young mom with a four-month-old son who was at home with his dad. A friend had suggested, after coming over to hang out with me and seeing how detached and emotionless I was, that maybe I wasn’t just tired. Maybe it was something more.

I remember going through the motions and answering the questions on this sheet of paper that the nurse had given me. I handed it back to her and didn’t really think anything of the questions on there.There was a graded scale of “not at all, several days, more than half the days or nearly every day.” The questions were fill in the blank statements like, “In the past two weeks I have had…” Then the statements that followed were “Little interest or pleasure in doing things” and “Feeling tired or having little energy.” I’m a new mom with a kid who came out of the womb experiencing FOMO, I thought, the kid did not sleep, of course I’m tired. That was a ridiculous question.

Then there was this statement, “Feeling bad about yourself or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down” and it was like a gut punch. Oh, we’re going to go there, I remember thinking. This was it. Do I admit how I was feeling? Or should I give the answer I knew would simply put a Band-Aid over everything, satisfy my friends and family who were worried, proving that I did indeed go to the doctor and everything turned out fine. In my core I knew everything wasn’t fine. I couldn’t say that my answer was “not at all” to feeling bad about myself. I couldn’t even say that I felt that way “several days” of the past two weeks because the truth was that I felt like a failure to my family and to myself long before I became a mom. Where did that leave me now? I quickly answered truthfully and moved on through the assessment.

“Thoughts that you would be better off dead, or of hurting yourself,” Oh shoot, I knew this was a trap, I thought. I could feel it. Suddenly, I felt like a mouse who had easily been stealing cheese its entire life and was finally trapped in the middle of the night. Dawn was breaking, the light was coming; I was going to be seen, dirty secrets and all. Every ugly thought with all of the deep-seated self-loathing in my mind came flooding forward. I physically felt flush and as I answered honestly I pushed my feelings aside because what else did I have to lose, right? “Thoughts that you would be better off dead, or of hurting yourself.” Fine, I thought, more than half of the days over the last two weeks. That’s how I felt. There I said it, it was out there.

Waiting for the doctor to come in felt like an eternity. That’s how waiting goes when you’re dreading the outcome. The door opened my doctor came in, he said with such gentleness that he was going to diagnose me with postpartum depression. Tears started to pool in my eyes and they spilled over. I knew this was the road that I was headed down, there was still a part of me that thought maybe, just maybe everyone felt like the same way I did when their baby was 4-mo-old. My doctor looked at me with his kind, grandfather eyes and his polka-dot bowtie (he always wore bowties well before they were trendy) and he said, “This isn’t your fault and this does not mean you’re broken. There is a hormonal imbalance in your brain. The bridge that’s needed for your brain to communicate is missing a connection; there’s nothing you’ve done to make this happen. This is not your fault, do you understand that?”

Those words, at such a broken time in my life, the first time I heard from a medical professional that I had depression, came without judgement or stigma. He was matter of fact. It was like he was telling me I had broken my arm because I slipped on the ice walking to my car. You can’t blame someone for falling on ice simply because they’ve decided to walk, can you? With those words, “There is a hormonal imbalance in your brain. The bridge that’s needed for your brain to communicate is missing a connection; there’s nothing you’ve done to make this happen. This is not your fault, do you understand that,” he took the power that the stigma of mental illness had to cripple me away. Later on in our conversation he empowered me by saying, “You can do something with this. You like to write? Who knows? Maybe you can be a voice for people like you who don’t have the words to express how they feel.”

That was almost 15 years ago and while it isn’t easy to talk about having Major Depressive Disorder on my platforms, his words are like a beacon of light in my mind that keep me grounded. I keep thinking that there’s got to be someone out there who’s like me who needs to know that they aren’t alone in this. Depression is the loneliest place to be. You can be in a room filled with people and still feel completely isolated and empty. You can be doing your most favorite thing or be with the people you love most and feel numb.

On the dark days I ask myself why I put myself out here this way. Truth be told I sometimes feel awkward being authentic about my mental illness on social media especially when I see people that are my acquaintances in the real world after I’ve written something. There’s this knowing look they have in their eyes when they see me and I just know they’ve read what I’ve written. It feels like the cat’s out of the bag. I mean it’s not like I walk around with a huge MDD on my chest proclaiming to the world that I take anti-depressants, talk to a therapist regularly, have an entire circle of family and close friends who I’ve given permission to watch me for odd behaviors. But I keep moving forward telling my story, even when I feel awkward. I know that no one is judging me and even if they were that’s more their problem than mine.

I persist because my brothers and sisters who feel the same way I do need to know that the war in our minds is not one they have to battle on their own. If anything, they know I’m right there with them, fighting the same fight to live. Life is worth living.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I’ve been wearing many different hats lately. My steady job is as a social media manager to small local businesses helping them create and cultivate an online presence that resonates with their customers. I also have my own personal brand Me Before Mom that’s been in the making since 2011. I’m actually in the process of writing a Me Before Mom Part 2 that’ll focus more on being a mom to school aged kids. It’s a completely different ballgame than when you have littles. I’ve found that you’re still exhausted but it’s more because you’re emotionally exhausted and that makes you physically exhausted. On my social media pages I’ve been talking about mental health and did a series on what it’s been like to live with Major Depressive Disorder in May ’23. I’ve just started a social media consulting company for high school athletes called Varsity Recruiting Social (VRS). VRS’s goal is to help high school athletes optimize their online presence making a lasting impression on college recruiters and coaches. Other than that I’m my kids Executive Assistant; keeper of the scheduler, cab driver, cook, butler, mentor, counselor…Just kidding but not really I think this stage of motherhood is best described as the Executive Assistant stage of motherhood.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Consistency, persistence and being able to stay in your own lane. In the beginning I just wouldn’t let myself quit. I think if I had looked around more at the influencers who were doing the same thing I was I would’ve been intimidated and talked myself out of working as hard as I did. I made it a point to not read other bloggers’ articles who were similar to me because I didn’t want the chance to get an idea from them and then accidentally plagiarize. It was kind of brilliant that I did that because I also had no idea who was doing what and whether or not I was actually successful. I just did me.

What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
Oddly enough the number challenge I’m having lately to stop comparing myself to others! I keep thinking that I have to be like everyone else but what got me where I am in the first place is staying true to myself. For example, I will never been a sketch comedy person on Instagram Reels. Sure, I’m pretty funny in real life but I can’t do it on camera without turning it on too much and looking forced. My friend Christie, from Raising Whasians, is brilliantly funny on camera naturally. That’s Christie’s jam but it isn’t mine.

I’m trying to do what I did in the beginning: Being consistent in my posting and content, showing up even when I think no one is listening or cares. I’m going to stop trying to overthink the algorithm and just be myself.