We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Betsy Stover a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Betsy, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts with us today. We’re excited to dive into your story and your work, but first let’s start with a broader topic that might be stopping many of our readers from pursuing their dreams – haters, nay-sayers, etc. How have you managed to persist despite haters and nay-sayers that inevitably follow folks who are doing something unique, special or off the beaten path?
People are taught from an early age to avoid failure at all costs. We see it as confirmation for all the terrible things we think of ourselves when we’re alone in the dark. But we would all be such unstoppable forces of nature if we could reframe it as a means for self improvement and growth. A huge turning point for me was getting booed off the stage. I was doing a weekly improv comedy show at UCB in NYC. We sold out every show, week after week. When we were invited to headline an improv festival in my hometown, I jumped at the chance.
The show begins, and the first thing I notice is that the audience isn’t quieting down like they usually do when a show starts. The performers are individually announced, and we make our way through the audience and onto the stage. Not only is the crowd not quieting down, but they’re getting louder. Whatever we are doing is NOT what they want to see. It slowly dawns on us that this theater is packed full of LOUD, ANGRY, DRUNK people. They talk over us as we struggle to connect with them and get suggestions. I clearly remember the suggestion shouted loudest was, “Women are pig sh*t!” They even heckled our tech person in the booth. They were absolutely relentless, and the festival organizers pulled the plug on us after 15 of the worst minutes any of us had ever experienced on stage before or since.
We all could have understandably quit comedy right then and there. I could have taken their boos and jeers as proof that I wasn’t any good, as confirmation of my fears and insecurities. But instead, I let it power me. That failure made me bulletproof. Nothing can hurt me or touch me now. And I learned that there are some people who are just miserable, and they’re never going to like what you’re doing, and that’s their loss. I’m here to have fun and to express myself. Nothing that anyone could say or do could be as painful or as humiliating as getting royally booed off stage that day. So now I am bulletproof.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I’m an actor, improviser, and podcaster. My podcast, Why Mommy Drinks, is currently on hiatus. I also have 3 kids (hence the name of my podcast), who take up a lot of my time and energy. SAG-AFTRA is on strike, and the WGA finally came to an agreement after 5 months, so this is decidedly a challenging and uncertain time to be an actor, and an Angelino! So I’ve been trying to use this time to take classes, learn new things, and write. I’m currently developing a solo show for the stage, and I am super excited about it!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. Stop waiting for permission. Create a show! Direct a film! Make a podcast! If you wait for someone to invite you to do these things, you probably won’t do them. Take action!
2. Giving people what they want is overrated. Stop trying to please them and start trying to please yourself instead. Find what YOU think is fun. Explore what YOU think is interesting. You don’t need to give people what they want or play by their rules. It’s a harder row to hoe, but it’s ultimately more fulfilling.
3. Ignore people who tell you to have “a backup plan.” They mean well, but this is super unsupportive and demoralizing. IGNORE, and keep moving.
What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
Being a mom working in the entertainment business is really challenging. I have three kids and I have to limit or turn down a lot of opportunities because I simply need to pick kids up from school and attend music recitals and stuff. I’ve had to turn down starring in multiple films because the financial burden of childcare was too great. I wish American families were more supported by our government and our communities. Universal preschool, subsidized day care, paid parental leave…if the USA wants to continue being competitive and cutting edge, something is going to need to be done.
Most American families are living paycheck to paycheck, and our quality of life is lower than the previous generations. Wages have stagnated for decades, and the cost of basic living expenses have risen. This will continue if we all allow incredibly profitable corporations to pay low wages and then force American taxpayers to subsidize them. No one working full time at McDonald’s or Walmart should need to go on food stamps. We all need to demand better. I think we are all at a point where we are stretched so thin and overworked, that we are too broke and tired to make a fuss about how messed up things have gotten. WE NEED TO MAKE A BIG FUSS.
Contact Info:
- Website: betsystover.univer.se
- Instagram: @betsy.stover
- Facebook: @betsystoverwmd
- Other: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/why-mommy-drinks/id1223793707
