We recently connected with Briar Lansdell and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Briar, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?
I used to think that my purpose was driven by something external to myself. It was found in the approval of others towards my “goodness” and proving my worth in the world. I thought my purpose was to save people, fix their problems, or change their circumstances so that they didn’t suffer. These ideas were driven from my internal woundings growing up. I was given the message that my role was to keep the peace and fix/heal the problems and dilemmas in my family. These protective mechanisms that I adapted to feel safe and attached to my caregivers became who I thought I was. In early adulthood I identified with these parts of me and felt it was my purpose in life to save/fix/change peoples’ circumstances so they didn’t suffer. I didn’t know how to sit with suffering. As I started to do my own work, and work through my own trauma and re-parent myself so that I could feel more safe and secure with all my feelings, emotions and experiences and learned to process these in a way that I felt validated, soothed and could grieve what was, I began to come to know myself in a new way. I could finally sit with my suffering with compassion and curiousity, and I began to find meaning in my own suffering. Through this meaning I have found purpose in the experiences I have gone through in life and wanting to walk alongside others who have gone through their own trauma and suffering and hold space for them to re-parent themselves. It has shifted, it doesn’t come from a place of fixing or saving people anymore in order for me to feel safe/avoid my own pain but it comes from a space of genuine compassion and confidence from this more authentic grounded place within me. It gives my journey and pain that I have gone through purpose and meaning when I am able to compassionately witness and hold space for other people who are going through their own pain, knowing they are not alone and have a safe space to process what it is their bodies/parts of them are needing to come through. My purpose is now from within, and is not for or from anyone/anything outside of myself. Today, I feel in alignment with my purpose and it can be in my “job” but also in my family or community as well.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
My business is Becoming Attuned, where I counsel and coach individuals and couples online or in person. I am a mother of 2 children, Damon who is 12 and Hailey who is turning 9 years old. I have been married for 16 years to my husband Devon and I started to do my own inner/healing work around the age of 19 years old. Through the experience of being a spouse and a mother, it really excellerated my inner work because my children and family members have been my greatest teachers. They show me daily where my wounding is from the different triggers that happen in our day-to-day lives. As I began to heal/re-parent my own internal system I noticed how I was a better, more authentic, version of myself and mother/partner/counsellor and coach. This gave me the confidence to start my own business which I first called “Postpartum Partnership”. I would go into the homes of different mothers and I would be there one half day a week for a couple months and work alongside them with the everyday overwhelm of tasks (food prep, self-care, organization, problem-solving etc) while also talking about their feelings, emotions and experiences. I LOVED it! Then eventually COVID happened and we could no longer be in peoples’ homes and I ended up having to pivot. Becoming Attuned felt like my next natural step I was ready for, where I was at in my journey. I was really learning what it was to become attuned to myself and to my children/husband and noticed what a change it made in our connection with each other. It is something I feel passionate about, to help other people learn to become attuned to their inner world so that they can enjoy the deep connection we all seek in our most meaningful relationships. I utilize a combination of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Attachment Theory and Mindfulness to give people the tools and safe space to learn what it feels like to be attuned to. The connection to our authenticity and getting to share that with those we love and our world is such a gift. And if I can support anyone to become attuned to themselves in this way, how lucky am I to witness this transformation and see the ripple effects it has on the coming generations. It starts with us, it starts in our homes, and then we see it change our communities and beyond.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. Clean up my side of the street, so focus on doing my own work.
2. Having a mindfulness practice. Something that brings you and your body into the safety and presence of THIS moment. Being present and accepting of what is in this very moment, because that is all there is: this present moment. Mine is walking in a trail almost everyday and being present/communing with the nature around me and just “being”. It is a place where I can just be me and feel connected to the earth and something greater than myself.
3. The RAIN tool, which helped me learn to safely process my emotions/feelings/experiences. Recognize what is happening in my body, what is the feeling that is here. Allow it to be here, as it belongs or it wouldn’t be here. Investigate and get curious with what is the concern or why it has showed up. And lastly Nurture and soothe this part, finding out what it needs from me in this moment.
My advice is to find a safe space/person/group to learn to do your own inner work, start today, go at your own pace and watch how your own transformation ends up transforming your circumstances and your life.
How would you describe your ideal client?
My ideal client is a parent or partner who is struggling, feeling alone, overwhelmed or stuck and is wanting more out of life than survival/disconnection. Someone who is wanting to feel a deeper connection with their children and or partner but isn’t sure how to attain this. It is someone who is wanting and willing to do some hard work to make the changes in their lives that allow for them to live more in alignment with who they are. I have a free complimentary call if you’d like to see me online and connect with me virtually to find out if you feel we would be a good fit. You can visit my website at www.becomingattuned.ca and follow me on instagram @Briar.becoming.attuned to get a feel for who I am.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.becomingattuned.ca
- Instagram: briar.becoming.attuned
- Facebook: Becoming Attuned
- Linkedin: Briar Lansdell
Image Credits
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