We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Brittany Bigley a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Brittany, so great to have you on the platform and excited to have you share your wisdom with our community today. Communication skills often play a powerful role in our ability to be effective and so we’d love to hear about how you developed your communication skills.
I used to be a terrible communicator. I would rarely be able to understand someone else’s point of view if it seemed to deviate from what I “knew” to be true. I lost a few friendships that could have easily been mended had I known what I know now. And I often wouldn’t stand up for myself because I was afraid of repercussions from authority figures such as teachers and employers. The biggest communication speed bump I’ve had has been advocating for my health to doctors and specialists. When you have an invisible illness there aren’t a lot of people who will readily believe that what you say you’re experiencing is truth. When I was going from doctors office to doctors office with no solutions I became very discouraged and even started to believe that I really had convinced myself I was sick when nothing was wrong. I mean, when someone who went to school for years and is a professional in the medical field is telling me “everything came back normal.” And “we can’t find anything wrong” you tend to compare your experience and wisdom to theirs. I began to doubt that I even knew what real pain was and I conceived myself I was weak because I was riddled with pain and illness when I was “perfectly healthy” according to all these professionals. And to clarify it was not just a few doctors, it was over 11 different doctors. The thing that stayed the same throughout all of these visits was that when I spoke no one seemed to believe MY pain was real to ME. So I had to learn to get someone to understand my side and realize the solution is out there somewhere for both parties. I found my final doctor, an OB-GYN in Norfolk, VA named Dr. Parson. When I walked into her office and told her at 18 years old that if my test results came back normal I wanted a hysterectomy, she quickly realized I was serious and at my end. She calmed me down and assured me we were very far from that having to be an option. And she told me that if I know something is wrong, but the scans and tests can’t find it, it doesn’t mean nothing is there, it just means we need a better look. So after her own tests she opted for laparoscopic surgery. She found the issue, fixed it and gave me my life back. I know that doesn’t seem like an answer to how I learned to communicate but I promise it is. Anytime I speak to someone for any reason, casual conversation all the way to hard business discussions, I make sure to use a very simple structure. BLAST. I BELIEVE that what they are saying is true and real to them. I LISTEN intently and if I’m unsure of what they said or meant I make sure to confirm so that I have all the information and understanding of where we are at and how we got there. I APOLOGIZE if need be. This doesn’t have to be an ownership of fault but rather a show of empathy. I apologize for what they are feeling, and for the situation. I then SATISFY. Satisfy the need, what is the solution we are looking for? Are they speaking to me solely for me to listen and be a sounding board? Do they want advice? Is there any kind of compromise that needs to be made? Can I accommodate in any way? Whatever it may be, I satisfy the need in a way we both agree to. And then to close the conversation and make sure you stay on a good note going forward, you THANK them. Thank them for coming to you. Thank them for allowing you to compromise or find that solution for them. Thank them for being kind in a tough situation, Thank them for what honestly fits the scenario. I found that when my doctor did those things naturally, I not only felt heard, but also like I was seen as a human who isn’t a liar simply because what I believe and feel cannot be seen. And this translates to emotional feelings. We cannot see if someone is hurting or upset. We may be able to visualize their body language and get some idea of what they are feeling but we will never feel for ourselves what they are feeling inside. It’s something you cannot see, so often times in conversations when someone cannot see outside of their own feelings and ideas that’s when conflict can arise. BLAST takes that out of the equation for me and I’ve had a lot of success from friendships, doctor’s appointments, all the way to business relationships and deals. There really isn’t any situation in which this isn’t useful for me. But I don’t know if I would have ever seen it this way had I not realized how amazing my doctor’s communication and empathy was towards myself and all of her patients. Like I said, she did it so naturally. I had to learn it.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I have worked in so many different fields and been so fortunate to have found success and warm welcomes throughout each change. I’ve been a festival director for the Electric Run, a model, actress and brand ambassador, a manager at retail stores, a corporate bartending trainer, a dancer in the entertainment industry and I have a small photography company with my fiancé. I’m so happy to say life has finally slowed down enough for me to focus on what I’ve wanted to do for a long time and I’m in school pursuing my CDCA preliminary, then I will go on to hopefully get my associates in the psychology field and may even take it to a bachelors or masters depending on where this current career path takes me. I am so fortunate enough to have meet some fantastic women who have allowed me to take a small step into the world I will soon be working in once done with school, and am working in the front office as a receptionist for an Ohio based company who’s mission is to provide transformative and supportive services to women in crisis. Every day they are empowering female survivors of human trafficking, drug addiction, re-entry and behavioral health. I couldn’t be more excited to be even a small part of this fantastic world they have created and hopefully continue a long journey with them once out of school.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I’d have to say empathy most of all has been not only a quality but also an ongoing area of knowledge. Learning to accept failures and rebuild rather than stay down and defeated has brought me a long way as well. And being someone people can trust not only with their feelings and conversations, but also with their livelihood and careers whenever I’ve taken on a leadership position. When people trust in you to have the answers and keep their day to day running, it can be a make or break in that relationship and if they can trust in you to do so, you can trust in them to show up and work hard to maintain that balance. Realizing that you will never get things exactly right, or be the absolute perfect fit for someone’s needs personally or professionally but as long as you are putting in the effort and able to communicate and empathize effectively then you’ve done your best at that time and you need to be proud of that, same with understanding that about others in regards to you, would be my best advice.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
This is a bit odd to most people when I say this, but the book “A Child Called ‘it’” by Dave Pelzer has always and forever will be one of the most impactful books in my life. I could go on about this book for hours and also go down so many different topics he covers that are so horrific yet real and happened to not only him but others every day. The biggest thing I took from this book was that at so many different moments in his adolescent life alone, if just one of the people who noticed something was a bit off or could have communicated or empathized just a slightest bit more, then he would have been free from the torment he lived. But because of so many different reasons and so many unknowns, those people chose to look the other way, or gave up after failed attempts at helping. I’ve been wrongfully judgmental in my life, I don’t know many people that could honestly say they haven’t at one point or another, and I’ve also turned an eye to a situation I wasn’t too sure of or only caught a glimpse of and I don’t know if my actions had any negative impact, and I never will. I can only hope to lend a hand and be there for the people I come across in my future, and although there will never be a balance of what good or bad we have done in life, I sure hope that with my career choice I will at least be making a difference in someone’s life and keep them from having to wonder what if.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @brittanyjune_ohio
Image Credits
DecaDance Photography Johnny Porsche Photography
