Meet Brittany Rios

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Brittany Rios a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Brittany , we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hops that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.

Mental and emotional health have become some of my biggest passions over the last few years. I still think they are topics that are not taken as seriously as they should be, although the narrative is slowly changing. I am a person who has struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life. I believe I started having panic attacks as young as 8 years old and they have continued ever since, although, up until a few years ago, I didn’t know that it was happening.
Anxiety and depression have manifested in my life in different ways and for most of my life I think I was just functional with them both or as functional as one can be living with that inside them. I thought the highs and lows were normal, but I had no tools to help me ride the waves more calmly, it was a constant storm due to my lack of ability to regulate or manage my emotions better. I felt crazy most of the time, embarrased by my feelings, so I learned to mask really well and from a young age. I was the “strong” one, the one who could manage and take on everything, never needed help, the one no one checked on. From the outside you would never have guessed how hard of a time I was actually having. I developed a persona of being an overachiever, a constant doer who kept herself so busy that I had no time to think or feel. I hate to say this, but my story is not an uncommon one and most of us have had a similar struggle, although we rarely talk about it. Most of us just seem to learn to “live” with this stuff, help and education not as available as they should be.
It was not until I moved to Spain and took on a whole new, slower, lifestyle that any of my struggles became apparent to me. I have been on an emotional healing journey since.
Before I left the States, I started exploring yoga, meditation, different types of religions, went to therapy off and on for a while and tried my best to understand my inner-workings, but most of it just scared me because everytime I closed my eyes, I was faced with myself, my shadows, all the dark corners of my being and that was a lot to face. It took me a long time to work up the courage to go inside, but that was truly the answer in the end.
From a young age, I think from around 12, I had this need to understand myself, this need to be a better human, to be healthier than what I had seen in my environment even though I had no idea what any of that meant. I always said, “I don’t want a traditional life, I don’t want a 9-5pm job, I just want to be a better human. I don’t care what the rest looks like. I just want to be happy, at peace and live the best life I can and as myself.” From the mouth of babes, right? My life has been a tale of exactly that; self betterment, healing, self learning and the undoing of what I was programmed with that didn’t serve me. Lots of trial and error, but hey, that is part of being human, right?
After 3 years in Spain I moved to Madrid and signed up for a Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training Course after discovering the practice, “by accident”, after I had bought the “wrong” meditation book. I took a couple classes and decided that I needed to find out more so I dove right into a world I knew nothing about. With this practice, I started discovering parts of myself I had never met and from there, my whole world started opening up, very slowly, but I felt it. Still scary, still difficult, the struggles still real, but at least I was starting to develop tools to help me. I became addicted to healing and went down the path of becoming more self-aware. I will totally admit that I got consumed by the idea of healing, which kept me in the energy of “something is wrong with me or I am broken,” but it was part of the process and eventually I got out of that spiral.
I have learned to make friends with my shadows, the parts of me that maybe some would consider, and I considered for a long time, ugly, unloveable or things to be hidden. I sit with them, I talk to them, I let them talk to me and I give them the space they need to breathe. I treat them like friends, like my children and I consider it my responsibility to give them the love they need, not push them away and take care of them so they can rest.
I used to be so ashamed of how I felt, what was going on inside me and always felt I had to hide it, that was until I started to understand why I had all this inside me and was able to find strength in my story instead of singing the poor me song or acting like a victim, completely attached to this identity I had developed. I did this by exploring my inner world using meditation, yoga, breathwork, somatic dance, music, art, different kinds of therapy, sports and crazy enough talking about it, asking for help and being honest with myself and others that I wasn’t ok. I had to finally admit that I couldn’t do it all, I couldn’t always be strong and that I needed help, which was not something I ever wanted or was taught to do. Sometimes the strongest, most courageous thing we can do is show these sides of us that are hurt, that are scared, that are traumatized, that are vulnerable and let love heal them. But we have to be the ones to love them first before anyone else can get close enough to try.
Step by step, day by day, a little better, a little clearer, a little more loving, a little more trusting, a little more open. I won’t say that my anxiety is gone, but it is softer and I do understand it better. I also, because I can actually feel now, know when depression is knocking. I know when I am off, need rest, need space, need to reset and I allow myself all of it, where as before I didn’t. I used to tell my therapist that I was so sick of constantly having to regulate and manage myself, but hey, what can you expect after almost a whole life of being disregulated, living in survival mode and having your nervous system be a total wreck? I have changed the story I tell myself, it doesn’t always work, but at least now I can see myself, love myself, be softer with myself and give myself a little grace and compassion.
Some things are just a little harder for me, and that’s ok. I have to go slower sometimes, and that is ok, too. I get overstimulated easily and I need to take a breath and a pause, fine. I need to have a tool box ready for difficult moments, ok, I accept that. I have a lot of nervous anxious energy and exercise is no longer about looking sexy in a bikini, but rather how I release all that pent-up energy/ emotion inside me, yep. But in the end, don’t we all deserve to have a system that helps us to function and feel better, no matter what that looks like? Of course.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

I always joke and say that I am a recruitment and admissions manager by day and a professional life learner by night. I have worked in education my whole career and have had many different roles within the industry, but I love edudation on all levels.
On the side I teach yoga, give meditation and breathwork workshops and currently am working on some new projects. I am finishing a book about the journey back to Self, planning retreats with another beautiful yoga sister of mine that will be focused on the wildwoman/goddess energy to offer to other sisters. Through my own self discovery, I have found that healing in sisterhood is one of the most powerful a woman can do and I want to offer spaces for this kind of exploration. I am working on a methodology that combines all the things that have served me during my healing- yoga, meditation, chanting mantras and using my voice, music, art, dance, being in touch with nature, being connected to my feminine energy and discovering and loving all the parts that make me me and us us.

Everything is in the works and not yet launched yet, so stay tuned!

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

1)I think the things that have helped me most on my journey was learning how to get back in my body and out of my head so much. During my yoga training, I decided that I was above being angry or feeling any of those “lower” vibrational feelings. I was going to be zen, neutral and detached forever, not care, be affected or react to anything ever again. Sounds nice right? Well, I was lying to myself. I forgot I was human and all emotions are ok and even necessary. What you resist, persists, right? It is more how you manage and what you do with your feelings rather than the feelings themselve. I realized that I was a spirit and a body and both needed my attention. While I love to sit and meditate, I also need exercise and exercise that makes me sweat, my inner beast requires it. Boxing, running, lifting weights are as necessary for me as meditation, playing my drum, dancing and doing yoga. Balance is key. Listne to your body and give it what it needs.

2)I needed to learn how to train my mind; meditation and breathwork are my medicine and have helped me to become friends with my once chaotic mind. Most of us don’t realize that we breathe wrong and badly. Sounds nuts, I know, as breathing is a natural function, but most of us don’t know just how powerful a tool learning how to breathe slowly and deeply can be. As a person who is naturally anxious, being able to sit, close my eyes and take a couple of deep breaths changed my life. I even do it in the street now or in crowded rooms. I get overwhelmed and I go inside where it is peaceful until I am ready to face the noise again.

3)Changing my inner dialogue has been fundamental. I never realized just how mean I was to myself. With the help of meditation, quieting my mind and just slowing down in general, I started to see how I was talking to myself. Crazy when I think about it now. The negaitve mind spirals, the limiting beliefs, how I saw myself, the inner critic, the inner victim all talking at once, no wonder I felt crazy, right? Most of us can relate. So, I started making changes. I used affirmations, started spending time talking to myself in the mirror and telling myself what I was proud of me for, what I loved about me and I was sorry for. Changing those stories helped me to go from being my worst abuser to my biggest fan. It takes practice, but I now see myself as my lover, friend, family and I need to take care of them all.

Alright, so before we go we want to ask you to take a moment to reflect and share what you think you would do if you somehow knew you only had a decade of life left?

The challenge I am currently facing is that of feeling like an imposter or like I am still not ready to offer what I want to offer. I used to think, and deep down still do, that I needed lots of courses, certifications, titles and to be more well-known to teach, offer and create what I wanted to give to the world. I thought, and think, who am I to teach anything? Well, we all have knowledge and experience that can help others, so why not try, right? I am getting there.

I have been stewing on my current projects for longer than I care to admit. Starting and stopping, starting and stopping ans sometimes thinking, “damn, there is no way I can do this!” My vision feeling too big for just me. I used to think I had to do it on my own, but I am finding that I would rather work with others. Admitting I wanted help and community, to learn from others, to collaborate has not come easy for me, but I am getting there.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @headup_heartout
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brittany-rios-3b0aa0177/

Image Credits

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