Meet Brynna & Tori BonGiovanni

 

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Brynna & Tori BonGiovanni a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Brynna & Tori, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?

It started long before we met, when I was young. My mom suffered from depression and addiction and yet, neither of those could hide her light. I thought she was magic. We all did. And yet, those closest to her knew that she didn’t see any of it. I remember wishing she could see herself through my eyes, just once. I knew it would change everything. We lost her when I was 15 and although sad, I felt peace that she was no longer battling herself in this world that can be so unkind to those suffering from mental illness. I was lucky to have a dad that was just as magical. Again, everyone around him felt the same. But for different reasons, he struggled to love himself. He was a wonderful father and accomplished great things, which he did to be “enough” for others while never learning how to love himself. I once again found myself wishing he could see what I saw: a superhero. We lost him two years ago.

Fast-forward to married life with a family of my own… On the surface, life looked good and I had much to be thankful for, including a beautiful relationship with my stepdaughter, Tori. But familial, financial and health issues were all in play and taking their toll. I found myself in a sneaky battle with depression and wouldn’t you know it, had lost all belief in myself or drive to try. It was then that Tori, with that same belief in me that I felt as a child for my mom, did something courageous. She checked-in with me, let me know she saw me and wanted to help if I’d let her. After hearing the typical “I’m okay, babe” shield over and over, she bought me a “Mindfulness” book that would change the game for me, for us. It had quotes that were uplifting, inspiring, beautiful. I remember staring at it on the table for weeks before it dawned on me that she did for me what I wished I would’ve done for my mom (and dad). And the thought of Tori feeling the burden of loving someone more than they loved themselves was too much. I decided in a moment that I didn’t want that for her. It was time to try. The progress was slow and yet, significant (doing a load of laundry felt like building Rome). I’d show Tori my favorite quote from the book and that opened into long, amazing conversations. At first, they focused on my struggles past and present which created a space for her to tell me about life as she was experiencing it. It made us equals, friends, and just two humans with big dreams and big fears, doing life the best they can. To this day, Tori is the bravest and most fascinating human I know. Despite her own hardships, the values, compassion, and courage she had changed our lives. She’s my hero.

We realized how lucky we were to have found a kindredness that allowed us to heal together and motivate each other to “do the work” for ourselves, too; work we continue to do and always will. Just within our own family histories, we knew people didn’t have that safe space that can save and change lives. So, we went to work trying to figure out how we can create one, in a lighthearted way, and possibly nudge an audience toward healing whether they had “someone” or not. And as we do, we took those mindful sayings and added a little sassy, humorous spin, the recipe that worked for us… “A slap on the ass you can’t get mad at”. And Buck Up Style Goods Co. was born.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

We see the power in self-affirmations. They challenge habits and prompt change. And we say: the more sassy, relevant and real they are, the better. So, we took our affirmations, paired them with cheeky graphics and delivered them to the world in chic, comfy style (a feeling we hope everyone feels as they embark on their “best self” journey). We aim to make people feel seen, understood and proud of their journey. Our sayings are original, many born from those “are you &%$!ing kidding me?” moments in life; moments when only a “no matter how bad, stay good” would do. When Buck Up Style affirmations became the mission, our ability to giggle when we wanted to give-up became a force. We have our off-days too, but knowing what we’ve chosen to overcome keeps us gritty. Impossible to discourage… that’s the job. 🙂

We are beginning with apparel and stickers and have an ever-growing list of “mediums” for our sayings; from wall art to home goods to collaborations we haven’t yet dreamt. We look forward to broadening our audience in every way possible, hoping to further the movement to prioritize mental health and the healing, courageous inner-work that changes life as we know it. We support and give back to mental health nonprofits that share our values and goals. Active Minds and Not One More Vet are two organizations that understand the need for creating resources and safe spaces for those struggling and too often, quietly. Across academic campuses and throughout the veterinary field, respectively, they are reaching and saving lives everyday.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Compassion: We lead with this in every scenario, every moment, every encounter. Does it take work? Absolutely. It’s a muscle and like all fitness, consistency is key. The reward: With a light, hopeful, helpful heart, your energy for everything doubles. Even if you lose a few in the beginning, your community will grow. And then you find yourself in a beautifully karmic ecosystem of purposeful, uplifting real people. And while it won’t protect from hardships, it will have you fully-equipped to take them on.

Diligence: We bring different flavors of diligence. We value each other’s twice as much as our own. Ha! In our own ways, we approach each task with a discipline to do what needs to be done and save the emotions for the good moments. A Cognitive Behavioral Therapy hack that comes in handy most days. Tori is better at getting the not-so-fun stuff out of the way first while I offer plenty of options to break-up the daunting tasks with distractions and nonsense. I’m the fireflies and she’s the jar. And both are crucial in Buck Up Style land. 🙂

Curiosity: Rarely does life go exactly as planned, and starting a business is no exception! Stay curious, stay flexible, embrace the pivots. What doesn’t bend, breaks, after all. We stand our ground when it comes to the foundational stuff, but we try our hardest to consider every possible path to success while never taking our eyes off the goal: A world filled with healed, bad*ss, happy humans.

What would you advise – going all in on your strengths or investing on areas where you aren’t as strong to be more well-rounded?

Learning is the greatest source of perspective. While we prefer to lead with our strengths and bring those to the world first, we love growth in every area that presents itself. This approach is behind one of our favorite sayings: “We did good. See you tomorrow. Love, Today”. Humility is a crucial ingredient in compassion, wisdom, joy, love, grit (Buck Up Style’s core values) and learning is a wonderful way to stay humble. It’s a beautiful way to appreciate our fellow humans and appreciate the other strengths that exist beyond our own.

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