Meet Carmen B

We were lucky to catch up with Carmen B recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Carmen, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

My confidence wasn’t born from an easy life , it was born from a life that stretched me in every direction. Heartbreak tried to take me out. Motherhood grew me up. Spiritual awakening cracked me open. Family dynamics humbled me. Betrayal sharpened my discernment. Feeling unseen taught me how to see myself. And self abandonment taught me the cost of leaving myself behind.

I didn’t become confident because I never struggled, I became confident because I got tired of struggling with things that were beneath my spirit.

For a long time I was shape-shifting. Being who people needed. Playing roles. Shrinking. Overgiving. Trying to earn love, respect, safety… even God at times. And the wild thing is, everyone thought I was strong, but I didn’t feel strong. I just didn’t want to break in public.

What people don’t talk about is how confidence gets taken from you in pieces. A heartbreak here, a betrayal there, a parent who couldn’t give you what you needed, a partner who didn’t know how to love you, a world that teaches women to be quiet until they’re needed.

So for me, confidence didn’t come from perfection , it came from the moment I decided I was done abandoning myself. I was done negotiating my worth. I was done explaining my soul. I was done performing strength while bleeding in private.

I had to learn how to belong to myself. How to validate myself. How to keep promises to myself. Once I did that, confidence became less about being LOUD and more about being ROOTED.Less about being chosen and more about choosing myself.

Confidence for me is a spiritual thing. It’s knowing God didn’t put me here to play small. It’s knowing my scars didn’t come to shame me, they came to SHAPE me. It’s trusting that everything I lost was clearing space for what was TRULY aligned for me . I turned my pain into purpose .

So when people ask how I became confident, I say: I rebuilt, I returned, and I remembered. I stopped shrinking just to make others comfortable. I stopped abandoning myself just to feel loved. I stopped apologizing for being too much for people who were never enough for me.

That’s where my confidence lives now…. in the parts of me that lived through hell and still chose to rise. That’s strength .

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I’m a Motivational Speaker , a healer and a woman who survived herself and decided to become who she needed. I’m a mother, I’m a creative, and I’m someone who believes that turning our wounds into wisdom is one of the most sacred things we can do on this earth.

Right now I’m in a season of building and birthing. I’m working on projects that revolve around empowerment, self-worth, healing, and confidence , especially for women who have lived through things that could’ve hardened them, but instead activated them.

I’m developing affirmation based products and community centered spaces that allow women to feel seen, validated, and reminded of their power. I’m also leaning into sharing my own story more publicly , which is new for me because I’m learning that testimony and vulnerability is a form of service.

Alongside my empowerment projects. Professionally, I’m a Creator and Jeweler. I am expanding my brand Cuffed By Carmen. I create jewelry with intention which has its own origin story that means a lot to me. I make jewelry because creation is healing for me. It gives me a way to take emotion, memory, and meaning, and turn it into something tangible. My Jewelry becomes a form of expression, but also a form of restoration. When I create, I’m not just designing pieces I’m weaving energy, intention, and story into something that someone else can carry with them. It’s my way of bringing beauty and healing into the world, one piece at a time. Cuffed By Carmen actually started as a hobby during a time life was really dark and I needed an outlet. I didn’t start it to make money, it wasn’t a business plan it was me trying to cope and create at the same time.

But the more I poured into it, the more I realized it was bigger than my darkness it became a vehicle for healing, expression and purpose. It forced me to take a chance on myself and to put myself out there even when I didn’t feel ready. That little hobby ended up opening doors internally before it opened doors externally. It taught me that creation is a form of healing, and sometimes the things we start out of survival become the things that lead us into purpose. Now it’s transitioning into a real brand, and even though it’s under construction, it’s something I’m extremely intentional about because it was the first space where I chose myself.

I’m in a phase where my purpose, my healing, my motherhood, and my creativity are finally aligning. I’m just building what I needed when I was younger, and what other women need now….

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Looking back, the qualities that changed me the most were self-awareness, resilience, detachment, and self-trust not because they were pretty, but because they were necessary.

Self-awareness was the doorway into my becoming. You can’t heal what you refuse to name. I had to tell the truth about my patterns, my wounds, and the ways I kept abandoning myself. Awareness isn’t always comfortable, but it’s the first medicine. For anyone beginning: observe yourself without judgment. Ask your soul, “What do I need? What am I avoiding? What aches? What do I desire?” Awareness gives direction.

Resilience carried me through the seasons where nothing made sense yet. Healing isn’t linear and becoming isn’t glamorous. There were chapters where it felt like life was breaking me down more than building me up. But resilience taught me how to keep moving even when the vision wasn’t visible yet. If you’re starting out: give yourself permission to grow ugly before you grow beautiful. Progress looks chaotic before it looks polished.

The Art of Detachment which became one of my greatest teachers. Detachment isn’t giving up, it’s letting go of what harms your spirit and releasing the illusion that you can control what isn’t yours to carry. I had to detach from people, expectations, timelines, my hometown and versions of myself that were never meant to meet my future. Detachment requires discipline, but it also requires faith. It says, “I don’t need to force what’s aligned, and I won’t chase what’s not meant to stay.”

But I learned detachment only works when it’s rooted in self-trust. Self-trust is what keeps you grounded while you’re letting go. For years I trusted other people’s opinions more than my own intuition. I asked for permission when God was already giving me instruction. But self-trust is built by keeping promises to yourself even small ones. When you show up for you, you stop betraying your purpose for comfort, validation, or fear of loss.

At some point, I had to take a chance on myself. I had to obey the whisper God put in my spirit. I packed up my two kids, left my hometown, and moved with nothing but faith, instinct, and a vision no one else could see yet. That leap wasn’t perfect, but it was prophetic. Sometimes destiny requires motion before clarity. Sometimes God won’t reveal the whole staircase …. just the first step.

If you’re beginning, start small: honor one promise to yourself, detach from one thing that’s draining you, and trust that what’s for you will not require you to abandon yourself to receive it.

Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?

One book that played an important role in my development was “The Energy Bus” by Jon Gordon. At first glance it seems like a business or mindset book, but for me it became a spiritual one. It taught me how much of my life was being driven by energy not just actions, not just strategy, but the spirit I brought to everything I touched.

A few of the most valuable nuggets for me were:

You are the driver of your own bus.
That sounds simple, but it changed how I moved through life. It reminded me that no matter what I come from, no matter who disappointed me, and no matter what isn’t fair, I’m still responsible for the direction of my life. Nobody is coming to steer for me. That level of accountability can feel heavy, but it’s also liberating.

You can’t take everyone with you.
This one hit me deeply. Growth requires discernment. Some people are not aligned with your destination, your calling, or your spirit and forcing them on your bus will delay your journey. That wisdom prepared me for the detachment season: letting go without guilt, without resentment, and without shrinking.

Energy is contagious. This oneeeee was a big one for me .The book made me realize how sacred my energy is and how easily it can be influenced. Whether it’s relationships, environments, conversations, or habits, everything is either fueling your bus or draining it. Once I understood that, I stopped apologizing for protecting my peace, my vision, and my atmosphere.

Vision requires faith.
The Energy Bus makes it clear that you don’t need everyone to believe in your vision you just need to believe in it enough to keep going. That spoke to me especially during the season when God told me to leave my hometown and take my kids and build a life somewhere new. I didn’t have validation. I barely had clarity. I just had a calling and faith became the gas.

More than anything, the book reminded me that life is always responding to what we choose to believe about ourselves. When your energy matches your purpose, doors open. When you stop handing the wheel to fear, people, and past versions of yourself, your life finally starts to move.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sheinnerstood?igsh=MW01a3M3cXo3cno3aw%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
• Youtube: Sheinnerstoodspeaks
• Other: http://www.tiktok.com/@sheinnerstoodspeakss

Image Credits

Logo created by Pamela Roxanne
I have all right to images and photos