We recently connected with Carter Wray and have shared our conversation below.
Carter, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Elevating confidence and self-esteem is a practice that requires consistent work and effort. While navigating my exit from an extremely toxic relationship, I realized that I had completely lost any self-esteem and confidence that I once had. I knew that something had to change, and I began to develop and utilize tools to elevate my confidence.
One key element to building my confidence and self-esteem back up was to relinquish any attention that I previously gave to other people’s opinions of me. Once I stopped truly caring what other people thought of me, it was like I got a new lease on life. People don’t realize how freeing it can be to let all of that go. At the end of the day I’m living my life, not theirs. Others don’t have to agree with what I do or say in order for it to be my truth and my choice.
Another layer was choosing to only surround myself with people who would bring me up. I knew that I could count on their input and healthy opinions (when asked) and that they were trustworthy. We all know someone who only presents the negative side of things, and eventually they just become miserable to be around. I knew that I did not want to be that person, and also that I did not want to surround myself with people like that during my time of introspective work.
I’m now almost 6 years removed from that relationship, and have not only continued to work on myself but have also created a business where I help others who have been beaten down or crushed emotionally from previous relationships and other factors. Knowing that I am using my gifts to help people, also further grows the confidence that I have in myself.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
For years I struggled with addiction and low self-worth which kept me bouncing from one toxic relationship to the next. There was no end in sight, and I had somehow normalized living in such a miserable existence. I maintained a well kempt outward appearance to mask the hell I was going through within. Eventually this way of living stopped working for me. It was time to take my life back, and conquer my internal insecurities. Speaking from experience, I know how hard it can be to break the cycle and awaken confidence within yourself, but I also know that if I can do it so can you.
Lack of confidence in oneself looks different for everyone. For some it’s an insecurity of how they look or dress. For others it’s a fear of approaching and speaking to others. It could even be a general lack of motivation and direction in life, stemming from past situations or relationships.
All these things affect people differently can be debilitating in their own way. Therefore, it is imperative that you take control back of your life from these fears or insecurities that bind and keep you from being the best version of yourself.
I work one on one with clients to address and conquer their individual struggles. A typical client commitment is for 3 months of work, and in that time we cover everything from past trauma, to present things holding them back, then focus on how they want to feel moving forward. I am currently running a summer special on these packages, and encourage anyone interested to book an intro call. The application link can be found on my website www.carterwray.com
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
For me the top 3 qualities/skills that have impacted my journey are seeking help, active listening, and understanding.
Seeking help is an essential first step if you have no idea where to start. It also creates a level of vulnerability and accountability between you and the person that you have chosen to open up to. No matter where we are in life, there is always someone else with more knowledge and experience in situations than we have. It’s crucial to be able to accept that and allow them to help.
Active listening is a skill that I did not possess before working on myself. So often we get into a verbal competition, or a “tit for tat” style of arguing or communicating and it breeds unhealthy communication. When practicing active listening, you are listening with the intent to understand the other person rather than listening to respond. This helps not only when accepting advice from someone else who may be mentoring you, but also goes further and reaches into your next relationship and how you choose to interact with that person.
It took understanding of how I had allowed my self to get to such a low point in my life, in order for me to turn it around and climb out of that place. It has also increased my knowledge in how to approach other individuals who have been in similar situations and are ready to make a change in their life.
How would you describe your ideal client?
My ideal client is someone who is at the end of their rope. They are ready to commit to making a change in their life, and to cut the cord on the things that have been holding them back. While I work with everyone, most of my clients are men who either lack the social skills and confidence to put themselves out there in the dating scene, or they have been through such a traumatic or toxic relationship that they have essentially just given up. These individuals usually feel that they are no longer worthy of a healthy relationship or they have zero clue that healthy connections even exist.
Through working together, we focus on their strengths that make them attractive in their own way. We also address and work through their weakness so that they understand them and are comfortable addressing them, but are no longer overwhelmed by these things. Collectively this creates the perfect baseline to build upon and increase their confidence and self-worth.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.carterwray.com
- Instagram: instagram.com/carterwray
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