Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Cassandra Love Lambert. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Cassandra Love, we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hopes that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
By the time I was 10 years old, I had already gone through 4 years of sexual abuse by my sister’s father, taken away from my mom and placed in a foster family home at 2yrs old – a baby sister disappeared and I never saw her again, witnessed physical abuse by multiple men with my mother and began to notice how my mom didn’t give affection or say I love you’s nor speak words of encouragement. Instead, I was constantly picked apart and criticized, told I was a baby and too sensitive, and told to just ‘get over things.’ Later in life, through therapy, I became aware that she was an emotionally unavailable parent with more of an avoidant attachment style who had narcissistic tendencies that surfaced as I became a teenager. I experienced a lot of invalidation and gaslighting growing up and felt responsible for things that were not mine to carry.
I was a very sensitive and empathic child and extremely creative – I loved reading, drawing, and being outside in nature. I used to pour myself into school, reading and learning as a way to escape the pain at home and to keep myself busy. I didn’t have or receive the emotional support or encouragement I needed to thrive. On many occasions, my mom felt like it was her job to make my life hard because she felt like that was preparing me for life and life was hard. I never understood or agreed with this.
The abuse I experienced didn’t stop at 10 years old; it just changed form, into verbal and emotional. As a result, my teenage years were so confusing. I never felt like I had the support I needed and I had to beg for basic things. When I needed things for school and I would try to ask someone I would get met with being yelled at for inconveniencing someone or that I was selfish and felt the world revolved around me or I would have to ask multiple times due to unclear communication and always felt wrong for needing anything. If I needed a ride home from work at 10pm and had school the next day I would have to ask strangers because I would get hung up on when I would call. I learned early on that I couldn’t rely on my family and I had to channel my creativity into being resourceful and reach out to strangers for help.
This nightmare seemed endless- the patterns didn’t stop just because I left home. Abuse always seemed to find me and repeat in intimate relationships. It was like a curse I couldn’t escape. I ended up with men who would lie and cheat; who also were manipulative. All the abuse pushed me to being really destructive in my 20s. I didn’t want to live- yet I was too scared to actually take my own life. So I would do things like get really drunk before driving home hoping something would happen to me. It never did – At one point the abusive relationships kept getting worse and began to include physical abuse in addition to verbal and emotional. One boyfriend broke my thumb and would yell at me and throw me on the ground and call me a hoe and all kinds of mean words for just having my head up when walking down the street. Another conned me into believing he was a business owner and I moved away with him and he lived off of my savings. So many awful experiences that I cannot believe now that I went through.
Luckily, I got into this intense Meisner acting class which brought me to the present moment. Before this class, I was living on default mode on auto-pilot and disassociated. Through this class, I landed more in my body and became more conscious and aware. This class was a saving grace and catapulted me into even more personal development and healing classes, workshops, seminars, and retreats. I couldn’t stop going to whatever I could find because little by little each thing I went to and experienced helped me transform my life and brought me out of that endless nightmare.
A huge turning point was facing being a single mom at 30 and choosing that unknown path. It was such a humbling and scary experience because I had to move back in with my mom. It felt like reliving my childhood and teenage years all over again. I went through postpartum which I didn’t even realize at the time; I didn’t realize it until my sister had her baby and also went through it. And all the things I thought I had worked through or healed seemed to come back with a vengeance as I was bringing a daughter into this scary world.
With so much surfacing all at once I felt frustrated and overwhelmed. None of the healing work I had done prior had gotten to the roots to create lasting change and now I was swimming in it and had a daughter to care for. So I decided to do something totally different. I turned towards Creator. I had a lot of anger towards Creator due to all the painful life experiences I had been through from so young. And how forgotten and overlooked I felt – how unfair it all felt. There was a lot of mending and healing that had to happen in this esoteric relationship. What I began to notice was the more that I took a step closer to learning and connecting with Creator, the more the omnipresence took steps toward me and propelled me forward
I didn’t even know until my 30s that I had lived life with C-PTSD from all the abuse growing up. I ended up being guided to EFT Tapping and Somatic Work (Brainspotting, Inner Family Systems). This is when my healing truly began to transform my life. This is also when I was guided to do my art at events and C-Love was born. I did makeup and face and body art for a decade in the Bay Area. Our mission and tagline was, “spreading love one brush stroke at a time.” I grew my art business from nothing to a 6 figure business and supported other moms and artists to have supplemental income doing it with me. A decade of love and sparkle – and then- the pandemic shut down all events.
It was at this moment that what life had always been preparing me for came to fruition. It was finally time to step out of being a student and to start helping other women on their healing journeys and this is when my 5-Stage Somatic Pain into Power Process was born – 18 years of nonstop working on myself and my healing and I was finally guided and pulled into supporting others in a much deeper and impactful way. This has been the most rewarding path next to becoming a mom to my daughter and breaking generational trauma. When I was younger, I was always looking for someone who could help me; that had healed through the things I was struggling with. I never found that person. Without intending to, I have become that person for others.
The things that have helped me the most have been:
1- Having a relationship with Creator a higher esoteric source
2- Doing Somatic Work (Clinical Evidence Based EFT – Brainspotting – Inner Family Systems)
3- Having a daily practice that supports my mind body soul and nervous system- things I do daily that support me on every level to face life
4- Learning and implementing self-soothing tools for moments of distress
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
When I was little and it was time to tell the lawyer about what my sister’s father had done to me it was so painful. They would have to hold me down and I would scream and cry – I couldn’t get the words out. I remember even with the police, I wrote out what he had done to me. I couldn’t speak it, it felt like fire. I also would shower so many times a day and scrape my skin-I was just trying to get the unclean feeling off of me.
I never got to stand up to him in court – that day never happened – and it’s taken until this year to finally feel ready to fully share my story.
I am in the process of writing my first book and it’s getting published through She Rises Studios. I am finally standing up for myself fully in writing this book.
I also went to the house where I had started getting sexually abused this past January and did a vulnerable share on my IG and FB finally releasing the shame of this house (I cannot believe it’s still standing it is such a run-down place) I am most excited for this project this year and this transformational journey in fully taking my power and voice back and in how impactful it will be to share this for others who have gone through abuse – I will be bringing people on the writing journey with me via social media and offering fun perks to anyone pre-ordering the book.
I have also teamed up with another Trauma Coach Rachel Grant and we are creating and cultivating a community called Thrive Tribe. Where we are doing Live Virtual Boot Camps on differing topics to support others on their healing journeys from abuse and trauma so that they can move past just managing their symptoms or surviving day to day. We are supporting them in thriving so they can live their best damn life! Currently, we are doing boot camps every other month and will bump that up to monthly next year; our next one is in April and its on Shame.
My 5-stage Pain into Power Process and Program is something that I am constantly running and enrollment is open ! It’s very intimate, deep individualized 1-1 work. I love working with someone in truly transforming their pain into being their superpower and them becoming more empowered and liberated so they can fully show up and express themselves and live the life they’re meant to versus settling into a life they feel trapped in.
Share Well Now is also doing a whole press release and having me facilitate talks around healing from narcissistic abuse starting this month – truly looking forward to serving in this way due to knowing the pain this type of abuse causes
My art is also something I will always continue to do – it brings so much joy to me and anyone who sits in my chair to get loved up on. This is play for me and feeds my soul and spreads joy to others.
This year is all about showing up to serve and being more visible so that I can impact more people who have been through similar experiences and support them in seeing that if I can transform my living nightmare into a truly blessed life then they can too.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1- No matter what always have some kind of healer you are working with whether its a somatic practitioner or coach- a therapist- this has been one of the most priceless pieces to really supporting me in constantly moving forward in my life – working on things like: core beliefs/limiting beliefs, triggers and activations, boundaries, self-care practices, self-soothing tools, working through trauma, establishing more resource in your body. There are endless things to work on within this and we are ever-evolving beings so making this a part of your lifestyle as you continue to grow will be priceless.
2- Connecting to and mending your relationship to a higher esoteric power – some call or refer to it as different things (God, Creator, Universe, Nature, Source etc) connecting to this and establishing a relationship with it is a key. There are things in the unseen that can support us in ways we cannot even fathom; however, due to free will we cannot experience nor access that unless we take a step towards it. This also supports channeling, intuition and creativity.
3- Cultivating a daily practice that supports your mind- body- soul and nervous system. Our system loves consistency, it allows for us to be more grounded in our own essence and centered. This is supportive so that when life throws curve balls you are more inclined to face them with grace versus spiraling out of control – I like including a clearing and grounding meditation, EFT Tapping, Walking outside, Intending my beingness for the day, gratitude, celebrations, self-care actions and treats, breathwork, yoga, pilates, exercise, music etc – find the things that nurture you on every level and do them daily as part of your lifestyle and routine.
Who is your ideal client or what sort of characteristics would make someone an ideal client for you?
I love working with women who have gone through some kind of abuse (emotional, verbal, physical, sexual) or a traumatic event that altered them in some way. Who want to learn how to love themselves more. Who want to feel confident again. Who are beautifully empathic and sensitive and are committed to being their best selves. Women who are ready to transcend the pattern of working really hard to survive and are ready to make that journey into the realm of alignment and thriving in all areas of their lives. Women who have dreams and desires for a better life, they just have felt stuck on repeat and are ready to break free of the patterns, attachments and programming that’s been holding them back. Women who crave to be fully expressed and want to embody their authentic selves and live a blessed life worthy of them
Contact Info:
- Website: www.CassandraLoveLambert.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/C_Love_Lambert
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/CassandraLoveLambert
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/cassandralovelambert
- Youtube: www.youtube.com/user/CassLambert
- Yelp: www.yelp.com/biz/cassandra-love-lambert-san-francisco
- Other: Best email: hello@CassandraLoveLambert.com
