Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Caterina Clayton. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Caterina, we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
My mental health journey has been one of the most challenging, disorienting, mind-testing experiences of my life. It has also been the most educational and empowering. I suffer from trauma-related disorders that regularly test my memory and temperament. The conditions took several years to uncover, and I still am seeking to understand them. There have been plenty of times when I’ve fallen apart and come close to giving up. Other times I’ve used hyper-criticality to push myself past my limits to function how I perceived I “should” be functioning. Anything to maintain an appearance of normalcy. To genuinely make headway and heal, however, I’ve had to learn how to unconditionally accept myself where I am and use compassion to steer myself in the direction I want to go. I’ve had to learn how to be vulnerable with the right people to garner support when I felt my mind was fraying- while maintaining that the fundamental onus of my well-being is on me. When others couldn’t understand me I learned to hold space for their perspective while refusing to turn my back on my own truths. The confusing reality around mental health is that there are times when you can maintain an image of success and still be living in a world of grey, or feel completely drowned in emotion. The only way out is through and, as a result, I have learned to look past quick fixes in many spheres of my life and strive for maintainable balance.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am currently a software engineer, model, and actress in the St. Louis area. I love technology and the ways I can contribute to people’s lives via application development. It’s a career that keeps my buzzing mind stimulated and my love for collaboration alive. As far as acting goes, I am currently an improv actress and have begun my journey in the indie film circuit. I appreciate that acting allows me to narrate relatable experiences for an audience – hopefully impacting their day for the better. It’s also an incredibly unique form of self-expression for me. Through embodying different characters and scenarios I am able to peel back the layers of my own psyche in an honest way. It requires me to externalize my internal assumptions and understandings and bring unconscious stirrings to light- something I am normally not prompted to do. Modeling allows me a similar release as I can embody a character and enjoy creating still moments of their life. More recently I have begun writing and producing my own short films with the help of my mentor, Kevin Edwards. I look forward to filming a cannibal-themed short in October where I will loosely use Stanislavski’s teaching and improvised dialogue with the cast. Some work my mentor, colleagues, and I have wrapped up in the last couple of years include Schmetterling and Bonnie Conway, PI. Lastly, if you have a ComedySportz group in your area, I highly suggest attending one of their improv shows! They’ve been a light in my life.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Three areas of knowledge that I think are critical for anyone on a self-development journey are knowledge of oneself, knowledge of how to break problems down, and knowledge of when to admit something isn’t working. I’ve found that the people I look up to all have one thing in common: they see the complexities of themselves and they’re not stifled by them. When I take the time to understand myself, I am able to bear witness to the intricacies in others and not feel overwhelmed. I am able to know what parts of me need to be healed and my bad habits become directional instead of blocking. Being able to break problems down serves me in almost every way. It makes me a better employee, conversationalist, artist, and person. Anytime I’ve felt the need to give up it was because I thought the mountain ahead was insurmountable – but when I was able to look at my journey one step at a time I found that my traversal was entirely possible. Combining these skills helps me admit when I am unable to complete a task with what I have at my disposal – which can be difficult. Doing so might momentarily convince someone to give up, but it’s actually a necessary step to not have to abandon a goal. After all, it isn’t until you can admit your current limitations that you can begin identifying a way to realize whatever it is you want to achieve. Want a new career? Admit what you don’t know and seek ways to build the relevant skill sets. Want a healthy relationship? Identify how you’re contributing to unhealthy relational patterns and seek a therapist to help you navigate a new approach. So far this methodology has helped me overcome a lot and I really stand by it.
Do you think it’s better to go all in on our strengths or to try to be more well-rounded by investing effort on improving areas you aren’t as strong in?
I highly suggest striking a balance here. It’s great to capitalize on your strengths and operate in a capacity you feel strong in. In fact, I would suggest doing this whenever possible if there is a tight deadline or you need to rely on whatever pursuit it is for a stable income. I wouldn’t abandon my knowledge as a back-end engineer to focus on UX/UI design on a whim, for instance. To do so would put whatever client I am working with at a disadvantage and simply frustrate me when trying to make shippable code. That being said…it’s also incredibly important to identify where you might be stagnating or wanting novelty. As far as we know, this life is our only shot at things and the world has such a large variety of offerings that it would be an injustice to overlook how you may thrive in new places of interest. In a nutshell, strive for greatness and live for liberation in failure. I’ve found that this is the most rewarding when I give myself ample time and understanding along the way. It can feel vulnerable working with weaknesses, but taking the time to see improvement within them is a great way to build a love for – and trust in – yourself.
Image Credits
Kurtis Gibbs Always Late TV Brad Prime Brad Campbell
