We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Charlene Ridley. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Charlene below.
Charlene, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
People often think I’m naturally confident and have great self-esteem—that is not true. I make growing self-esteem/confidence an actionable, ongoing practice by doing little things repeatedly and depositing the results to my confidence bank account. For example, I practice keeping my word to myself no matter what and it has been life changing for me. I used to be the sort of person that did everything I told everyone else I’d do and then I’d make excuses (sometimes valid ones but still excuses) to not show up for myself. When I explored the root of why I did this I found that I didn’t think I was as worthy as the people that I committed to and kept my word with. I made a vow to keep my word to myself and I practice it even when I don’t feel like it. Sometimes I ace it and others it feels like I bomb it. When I ace it, I make a deposit to my confidence bank account to be withdrawn at a later date when I need self-encouragement because I am uncertain or up against something foreign. When I miss and fall short of keeping my word to myself, I give myself grace by reminding myself that perfection is an unrealistic measure. Completing something even 8 out of 10 times is still darn good and I recall other times when I didn’t miss the mark. I remind myself I’m capable and deposit my ability to be kind to myself even when it seems hard to my confidence account. Then I get back out there to keep practicing.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am the founder of Unpause Your Dreams, a dream development agency that empowers women to stop putting off their dreams for “someday” and to take action to dare to live them NOW. Using my MBA & 20+ years corporate leadership and personal development experience, I have coached hundreds to realize their dreams. My expertise in business strategy, leadership development, and mindset transformation have earned me several features and recognitions in national and local publications. Mostly recently I was honored to be recognized by Influence Digest as one of the top 15 coaches in Charlotte, NC for 2023.
In addition, to these accomplishments, I am a wife, mother of 3 and speaker who openly shares on a wide variety of topics from mindset to my own personal grief journey of losing my 16-year old son in 2023. I am also active in my community—serving as board member, leader of a church small group and prayer team.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
The three skills that were most impactful in my journey are awareness, positive self talk, and resourcefulness.
So many of us are on autopilot, not present and completely unaware of what is going on around us. Whether we realize it or not this dulls our senses and delays our opportunities to learn, connect and grow every day. I used to be able to drive to work without thinking about it, hold conversations with people without thought and walk into stores to buy things without seeing a person’s face. Until I started practicing mindfulness and meditation. These practices allowed me to slow down and to become present. When I am present I am constantly experiencing life, learning, growing, connecting and making connections. This has helped advance my life & career faster than I could have thought possible.
For most of my childhood and early adult life I had a really horrible, harsh, critical inner dialogue. I was always beating myself up about something, not feeling like I was doing enough or feeling like I wasn’t capable of doing incredible things because I would only mess them up. I did a lot of work in coaching and therapy to uncover the roots of these thoughts, recognize my triggers, and replace them with self-affirming positive talk and actions. To this day, triggers come (they won’t likely ever go away) but I talk to myself with kindness as if I was speaking to my 5-year old self. It helps me show myself grace and not get stuck in negative spirals that keep me from taking action towards my dreams.
One of the greatest things for all of us living now is that we live in the age of information. It really doesn’t matter what you don’t know! We have all of the tools and capabilities to find out. I used to have a habit of shutting down my dreams or things that I wanted to do because I didn’t know how to do it. Until I learned to reframe thoughts which led to me adding an extra word to that sentence. I changed my thoughts and words to say, “I don’t know how to do it, YET,” and set out in action to prove to myself I could learn to do anything. Now, I am confident going into uncharted territory because I fully trust and have evidence that I can and will find the resources to figure it out.
Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
The book that has been most impactful for me is So As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. The most important takeaway from this book is that whatever you believe, is true for you and your life will be a product of those thoughts. So, if at any point you look at your results (the life you are currently living) and don’t like it, you have the ability to change it. You can do that by first examining your thought life and then asking yourself if you are thinking about what you really want. If you are but aren’t seeing the results you want, take a look at your daily activities to make sure they are in alignment with what you want. That one lesson has allowed me to drastically and radically recreate myself every 5-7 years. I know that may sound pretty intense or make some people anxious but remember we are not all wired the same. I am a dreamer and I want to experience and live ALL of my dreams. To do that, I embrace change. I didn’t always feel that way but now I realize change is a constant in the beautiful journey of life.
- Website: www.unpauseyourdreams.com
- Instagram: unpauseyourdreams
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- Linkedin: Charlene Ridley
- Youtube: Charlene Ridley
Image Credits
@mishstudios
