We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Christina Carlson. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Christina below.
Hi Christina, thank you so much for opening up with us about some important, but sometimes personal topics. One that really matters to us is overcoming Imposter Syndrome because we’ve seen how so many people are held back in life because of this and so we’d really appreciate hearing about how you overcame Imposter Syndrome.
I grew up neurodiverse and queer in a very religious home and environment. I had undiagnosed adhd that made my mind operate differently than my siblings and friends. I was “less than” in many ways from my peers who seemed to come by focus and education much more naturally. Because of this I developed a lot of messages surrounding my ability. Underneath the surface I had a very loud inner critic telling me that all I did was not really enough. That I needed to do more and be more. I needed to make up for being me. This affected the way that i saw myself in my field. I felt major imposter syndrome when I looked around at other coaches, who had more education, more poise, more organization. What’s interesting was when I began to realize that I was seeing myself from my inner critics eyes, and realized I had an inner critic, it lost some of it’s hold on me.
I began to realize that if I could think about those thoughts as they came in (you don’t belong here, you need to do more to belong here) then they were not me.
I slowly began treating myself with kindness every time these imposter thoughts showed up. Giving myself a hug, and acknowledging that pain. I began to develop a relationship with myself, with my imposter syndrome (I sometimes call her imposter baby), and will my inner critic so that when they showed up, they did not overtake me. I was able to interact with them. Over time these feelings lessened and when they did show up it was always around a time of transition. Now when they show up I know it is because I am about to do something big.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
As a Self Relationship Coach I support people to come back into relationship with all parts of themselves so they can live with more peace and congruence within themselves. The work I do allows people to make decisions about their lives and futures with more confidence, feel at ease in their own company, and support themselves in difficult feelings.
This work gets me so jazzed up because so much of us live in conflict with ourselves. We try to dominate our bodies, repress our desires, put off our needs, ignore our instincts in an attempt to survive. And I am not judging anyone for this. I think it’s a beautiful way we have kept ourselves safe. AND, We often don’t realize how much power their is in coming back into relationship with ourselves, to unite the pieces of us that have been fragmented. It is like bringing back a group of people with different skills and ideas and needs. There is power there to build the life you want when you allow yourself to really get to know and value the different Parts of you. I think everyone deserves to know, deep in their bones, how much they matter. How much all of them matters. We are better when we allow ourselves to be human and whole, needy and multifaceted. getting to support people in this and watch them come home to themselves is a dream.
Right now I am most passionate about my 1:1 coaching series, You Matter, where we work on all of the above, supporting you to trust your own mattering. We create some pretty incredible things together in that space, and I just adore it.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Oh I love this question. Self Compassion, Non-Judgement/curiosity, and Presence.
Many of these intertwine, but they all make the others possible.
I find that a key component most of us are missing within our relationship with ourselves is compassion. It is often a very tender and vulnerable place for us because we were told to look outward and offer that to others, but we ourselves simply needed to try harder, do better, etc.
Next, it is crucial to practice non judgement and when time allows, curiosity. In non judgement we simply observe the judgements and thoughts that come into our minds. Realizing with each one, that they are not us, they are simply thoughts. Next we can be curious about the judgements that get thrown our way.
Presence creates the container for compassion, non judgement and curiosity to take place.
If we continue to rush about and push down we will not have a chance to truly offer ourselves compassion and to be curious about what is happening inside of us.
When I started practicing these in my own life everything changed for me. I was able to see a distinction between myself and the thoughts that came into my head. Because of that I was less overwhelmed by them and was able to stay present with what was arising for me. In doing so I was able to be curious about myself and began to reveal my own desires, my own needs, my own longings and this made my decisions for things easier to access. I was able to be with myself in my life and felt deep peace within my own mind.
My advice for this would be to see your relationship with yourself as you would a relationship with another person. You need quality time to connect, you need to be present with them. Start by taking a few minutes every day to be with yourself and practice non judgement with each thought that arrises. Simply observe, offer compassion “this is really hard for me right now” or “I am noticing that___” and allow it to float away. This may seem simple, but the most powerful shifts you will make in your life will come from be the things you stick with over time. Also remember, this is not something you can do perfectly. You will not, and that is part of the lesson. Even in this, offer yourself compassion.
How would you describe your ideal client?
I love working with people who are overworked and under-appreciated. Those who know that patriarchal and religious ideas have caused damage in their lives and want to untangle themselves from that mess. Those who know how to advocate for others but have forgotten to advocate for themselves, their own needs and desires. These people are self aware, introspective and challenged when it comes to knowing who they really are. This makes them ideal to work with me because I support them to care for and be in relationship to themselves so they can know who they really are and feel how much they matter. In valuing themselves in this new way they are able to choose from a place of love and compassion for themselves, rather than from fear or guilt and shame.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.christinamcarlson.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/christinacarlsonlifecoach/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christinacarlsonlifecoaching/
- Other: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bitches-witches-and-queers/id1569052983
Image Credits
James Ramos Photography, Carlson Home Photos
