We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Christina Young a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Christina, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?
When our twins were diagnosed with autism at age 18 months, I knew less than a handful of people who know autism intimately, and of those few, I knew none of them closely enough where I had witnessed their experience with it. That being said, our network was vacant with any knowledge or understanding of autism, so as we began to grasp what was ahead for us, we felt incredibly isolated in doing so.
Having only told my parents that I was a lesbian when I met the woman I was going to marry, isolation is not a foreign feeling for me, but this felt so much lonelier and unfair. Mainly because when my identity was only shared with trusted friends and family members, the only person it effected was me. But as a parent, one who spent three years with her wife trying to create a family, the journey to be the best parent you could be was one we took pride in together, and suddenly felt like not only did we take a wrong turn – we had no concept what country we were in.
We spent nearly two years trying the best we could to navigate two very different young boys with extra challenges and special needs, while getting pregnant with a daughter, working our way blindly in our parenting. When our daughter neared the same age as the boys when they were evaluated and diagnosed, we thought she was neurotypical and developing similarly to her peers, until I started noticing struggles that I couldn’t ignore, and that felt very personal to my own experience. I had spent two years researching autism, which mainly showcases how it’s displayed in boys, only to pivot and research autism in females in particular. Our daughter was diagnosed by age 3, and I myself went through an evaluation for autism.
Since then I have learned about the genetic components, traced it to my mother’s side where there was most definitely a great deal of neurodiversity between she and her six siblings. And I have pivoted in the way that I parent, with my wife pivoting shortly after, to be what our children need versus what society deems of us. I have publicly shared our journey with autism through my blog, and on my Instagram account @twinningwithautism, with the only intent to let whoever feels alone out there in this journey (like we did) know that they are not, and they can choose to step up to the plate far sooner then we realized we should have.
Humility is something that is never easy, particularly if you are set on doing your best every day, and finding that your best just won’t be enough. The humility to know you don’t know what you don’t know, and the persistence to find the answers at all costs are two skills my children with autism have taught me. Lastly, the vulnerability it takes to not care what others think in a world where judgement is so freely provided is terrifying and lonely as well. But my hope is that my children will grow up with far less struggles that I did, and that the sharing of our story may help someone else be their for their children on the spectrum as well.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I spent nearly twenty years in Fundraising before COVID hit. As my wife had built her painting business from the ground up, and I knew that my field would always be hiring, I took a step out of my career to be the parent who navigated homeschool for our three autistic children under the age of six.
For three years I helped build the Operations for my wife’s company, Pro Image Painting LLC, but took a great deal of time to write about our journey with autism for my personal blog and on my Instagram page @twinningwithautism.
I recently returned to the fundraising world in May of 2023 as the Director of Development for Swim With A Mission, Inc., an organization that’s raised more than $12.5 million since 2017 to support Veterans. As our children have gotten older, and more independent, it was the right opportunity at the right time to take my experience and invest it in a non-profit doing really important work for our community.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The three most important qualities, skills or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in my journey sharing our family’s life with autism were: vulnerability, connection, and awareness.
Vulnerability is not for the weak, as we live in a world where judgement is quick to be served, and unfortunately, hatred easy to follow. When I stepped out of the field of fundraising, my public profile became less of an hindrance, and something that would keep me from worrying about how my sharing our journey could effect how someone in the field could view me differently. It allowed me to share without hesitation, in the hopes that the stories of our encounters with autism could make someone else feel seen and less alone.
As someone who’s life work was built around storytelling and the need for connection with others in fundraising, this skill was easily transferred to the way I shared our own story. I looked for digestible ways someone else could connect with the experience or advice I was sharing, and tried to focus in on the connection in the share. The follow-through in my response to any connections that came from my writing, always secured those relationships for me, as I ensured that anyone who reached out always received a response. Connection is never one-sided if it is successful, so I kept that mentality at all times.
Awareness around any scenario is instrumental to our ability to fully understand a situation, person involved, or circumstance. I researched autism from every angle since the twins were born, and even more so after our daughter was born. I listened to any theory I could find, and I worked to connect the dots in relatable and simple ways that parents like us could then implement in our own lives. Any one can have an opinion, but when based in research, fact, and shared experience, awareness can truly make a difference in the way we change hearts and minds of those who simply don’t know what they don’t know.
Okay, so before we go, is there anyone you’d like to shoutout for the role they’ve played in helping you develop the essential skills or overcome challenges along the way?
During COVID we were gifted a nanny (and yes, I mean GIFTED by the Universe), who knew more than we ever could about autism, at a time in her life that she was just completing her studies, and preparing to enter the education field. She was a para in our school system, but someone we knew from a few different circles and situations and we had hired her for a few hours after school to help with the twins.
When COVID hit, as she was a para, she was out of a job, and available. At the time, it was more than we had planned to invest financially in help for the twins, but it was the best decision we ever could have made as we all met the unexpected challenges COVID faced every family with, especially one with autism where routines were no longer available, and sensory challenges were at their peak.
During what felt like the ugliest and most challenging chapter of my life, where I felt unfairly set up for failure at every corner, I had one of the most patient, kind, and caring young women at my disposal, eight hours a day, five days week. She modeled for me every day how to interact with my children in a way I had never been shown before. She would explain how their neurowiring worked, and why they would be triggered when they were triggered. She would mirror patience in a way that I needed most, without judgement or expectation.
I tell her frequently that she gave me the skill set to parent autism, and changed my ability to show up as a mother to my three kids on the spectrum. I would have been lost with out her.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.twinningwithautism.com
- Instagram: @twinningwithautsim
Image Credits
Rebecca Abrams Photography
