Meet Christopher Fulmer

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Christopher Fulmer a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Christopher , we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?

I developed my confidence and self-esteem over a lifetime of trial and error, and numerous events that struck stones upon stones into my armor. When I was younger I was very overweight, and had attributes that made me very self conscious and lacking in self confidence. It was a daily battle to try and live in my own skin, let alone be happy and confident. In 5th grade I found my sense of humor through making a joke that backfired, but made the entire class laugh in a positive way. Not at me, but because I made them laugh. I learned that being “the class clown” could take the attention away from my body and put a positive spin on who I was. I finally had an identity I liked. Later on as I grew into that early awkward teenage phase, the sense of humor wasn’t enough for me. I still didn’t like who I was on the outside. So over 8th grade summer break I decided to change who I was. I put an effort on rebuilding myself. I started exercising, watching what I ate, I grew my hair out. I was able to get my braces off and talked my mother into letting me throw away the coke bottle glasses and get contacts. I lost 30 lbs that summer and put on some muscle. I came back to school in 9th grade a brand new person. So much so that a lot of people had no idea who I was. I was a new person. I learned then that if I was unhappy, all it takes is focus and effort to change.
Later on in life this new found knowledge and skillset would come in very handy numerous times. During my unhappy 11 year marriage I let myself go again, and became very unhealthy. When we separated, and eventually divorced, that skill set was needed again to change my life and build up my broken self-esteem. I kicked into high gear and used the same mentality and tools I did in 9th grade. Grew my hair out, began dieting and running marathons, lost 60 lbs and began a new life. I also started a band and became the lead singer and guitarist in a punk rock/hard rock band, and later on an actor. Both of those jobs would later present more stones thrown into that armor, as being the front man of a band and also going through countless auditions, criticism gets thrown your way constantly. “Love the band, not so much the singer!”, “You too old/not old enough!” “you’re too fat/not fat enough for this roll!”, “were looking for someone that doesn’t look like “You”!”, you name it, Ive heard it! That knocks the self-esteem and confidence way down. So I had to learn new skills and coping mechanisms to deal with a new level of criticism. Those were not as easy as my internal criticism to deal with. But I focused on bettering myself to show my inner self I could beat the criticism. I took vocal lessons, worked on my craft, and also talked with casting agents to learn the “why” on their criticism. And mostly found out it had nothing to do with me, they just had a vision of the role that I didn’t fit.

Overall, trying to develop my confidence and self-esteem over the years has been a very difficult struggle. The struggle has been with myself for the most part. My inner voice, inner criticism, inner damage that I had to overcome. I finally know now that other peoples view of me is none of my business. I will never be able to change their opinion, their view, their assumption. There are thousands of different versions of me that exist in other peoples minds. Im a hero in one view, the devil in another. But what matters the most….is my own view of myself. That’s the person I can never escape. That’s the person I have to answer to. As long as I am doing what makes me happy, what makes me feel whole, what makes me feel confident, and doesn’t hurt others, then I can smile and sleep easy at night.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

I am an artist. My first passion is music. I am a singer, guitarist and songwriter, with my primary job being the front person of a hard rock, punk rock band called Stays In Vegas. We are currently working on our fourth studio album. I also have a solo music project that is more acoustic rock, folk and alternative under my name Christopher Fulmer. After the Stays In Vegas album is done I will begin working on my second solo album.

My second passion is acting. I am a television, film, commercial and theater actor. Ive worked on various projects on the Travel Channel and Lifetime Network and appeared in a few various films, as well as commercials for brands such as Indian Motorcycles and Bad Boy Mowers. My most current endeavor is theater acting in a production called One Ninth.

I also do some poetry and recently got into video and music production. I just love creating and being creative, and more so working within the creative community.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

First, courage. That was a tough one to develop. Being an introvert, shy and battling my self-esteem very early in life, courage was something that I lacked. But I decided to force myself to do things that scared me. To live life and not hide into life. That’s how I got into being a musician and actor. I loved music, and over a bet I learned to play guitar. When we didn’t have a singer and everyone pushed me to try, I said sure! Now Im a singer and professional musician. With acting, I loved movies and had a weekend off in Hollywood from my day job and just applied for an ad looking for background actors just to do it. I got hired to be in a John Cho film and fell in love. Now Im an actor! So if you want do or be something, do it!

Second, perseverance! Stay with it. If you get a no, or get denied, move on to the next one and try again. Keep practicing till you get it. If you get criticism or get beat down, get back up and go again. Don’t let the outside world keep you down or hold you back.

Third, learn to filter the noise. Sometimes the outside world can be negative and damaging. Even friends and family can be negative noise that can hold you back, or knock your progress backwards significantly. Even if they may not mean to. Little innocent comments to them, could be damaging to your inner self. Learn to filter out that negative noise and be selective on who you let inside. Find positive influences that are supportive and focus your energy and attention there.

Last piece of advice, don’t be afraid to pull back and regroup or recharge in life when you need to. It’s ok to say no to anything when you need to. It’s also ok to reinvent yourself as many times as you need to. I feel like Ive lived 15 different lifetimes in one, and had to reinvent myself numerous times to survive. It’s absolutely ok to if needed. Be yourself, be who you love to be. That’s absolutely all that matters in life…you!

Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?

It was less a book and more a course. In college I took World Religions, which was an elective introductory course. I thought it would be an easy class to get an A in and move on. But that course changed my whole perspective on religion, spirituality and different cultures. I grew up southern baptist, in the bible belt of Arkansas. It was all about Jesus and that’s it! Nothing else matters or is right. I wasn’t the most religious person, and wasn’t found of organized religion as I saw many negatives. But this course opened my eyes to other ways of thinking, other belief systems and how they all have very positive aspects within them. And they all had negatives here and there as well. But they were all very smilier in a centralized belief that I felt most religions have forgotten. Love, happiness, empathy and compassion! Christianity began that way, Taoism/Daoism, Muslim, Buddhism, they all have love, empathy and compassion at the center. Be it through suffering, through karma, through god, its love. Do good, be good, love others…simple concept, not always remembered and implemented but can do wonders. This was mind blowing to me and made me look at pulling the positives from all religions and focus on that. Since then Ive felt happier and healthier.

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Image Credits

Kurt Lunsford, John David Pittman, Anointed Media

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