We recently connected with Cody Webb and have shared our conversation below.
Cody, thank you so much for making time for us today. We can’t wait to dive into your story and the lessons you’ve learned along the way, but maybe we can start with something foundational to your success. How have you gone about developing your ability to communicate effectively?
So, I was diagnosed with autism at a very young age. This was back in the late 90’s when autism really wasn’t as much of a thing, but I was very fortunate that my parents recognized there was something different about me. Now, knowing that you’re different is helpful, but it doesn’t really change your day-to-day reality. And that reality for me was awful. I didn’t have friends in elementary school for the first few years. I was constantly getting in trouble because of behavioral problems. Eventually, the social isolation turned into full-blown bullying and my self-esteem plummeted.
Eventually, I got on anti-depressants and ADHD medication, which allowed me to control a lot of the behavioral problems and act a lot less erratically, but my reputation still remained, and I still had no idea how to socialize. So, I decided to make a decision. Sometime in middle school, I decided that I was going to study people. I was going to figure out how people worked and how I could fit in. I knew it wouldn’t make much of a difference in the school I was at, but I did know that eventually I would be in a situation where I was someone new, and that would allow me to re-invent myself.
I started people watching. I started trying to figure out how people worked. I tried to understand what behavior worked. Facial expressions, body languages, passive aggression, euphemisms. All of these things that “normal” people understood implicitly, I had to build from scratch. I went to a new high school. I knew a grand total of two people. I built up some friend groups, but ultimately still felt like an outsider. I built some life-long friendships. I went to college. I met people who felt like they really wanted to be around me. Like I was building actual connections for the first time in my life. I started dating. I met my future wife. Things got better. It wasn’t perfect. I still was seen as odd, but for the first time in my life, I found my niche.
Ever since middle school, I had been doing theater. It was a way for me to really understand how to express emotion properly, and more importantly, it was fun. I had done it throughout middle school, high school, and part of college. But eventually it stopped being fun. Dealing with cast members who were emotionally abusive and who used my people pleasing nature against me. People who pushed me and the rest of our cast mates beyond our physical limit. People who would show up to performances drunk. It was too much for me. So after ten years of doing theater, I quit. I didn’t want to do it anymore. But I still needed an artistic outlet. And that’s where I found standup comedy.
I had been a fan of standup my whole life. My family loooooooves standup. Now sure, they also love a lot of “bad” standup comedians, but it was still standup at the end of the day. So I’d always been interested. And one day, after I quit theater, I saw there was a comedy open mic in the basement of the student union at the university. I decided that I was going to try. And frankly, I sucked at it. I was nervous, I talked to quickly, I couldn’t do anything relatable. But I kept going. After I graduated, I kept going to open mics in the city. And I kept bombing constantly. Somebody actually said “I”ve never seen someone bomb so much and still keep showing up as Cody Webb”. I kept sucking, but I kept trying. I knew I had SOMETHING.
Eventually, I moved to Boston for grad school, and put comedy on the backburner. It was difficult to get to the open mics and I had to focus on school. I went every once in a while, but it was not a priority. And then the pandemic hit. And open mics over Zoom became a thing. And suddenly I could access dozens of open mics in my kitchen. So I did. And I kept sucking there too. But something funny happened. You see, at real life mics and shows, I was so afraid of bombing that I would sort of retreat into my shell. Which would cause me to be less charismatic. Which would cause the audience to be less receptive. Which would cause me to retreat into myself more. etc. etc. It was a vicious cycle. But doing comedy on Zoom changed that. Because no matter how well I did, no matter how many people I could see laughing, I couldn’t really hear it. Zoom filtered that out. And it would always felt like I was bombing. I was inadvertently putting myself through exposure therapy for bombing. And over time, my material got better, my confidence went up, I stopped getting nervous about bombing and let my jokes speak for themselves. I started making videos on TikTok. And I found a community that really liked what I was doing. A group of people that were spread out everywhere found what I was doing and really connected with it. It sort of validated what I knew all along. I was funny. I did have something to say. I just had to figure out how to present it in the right way. Luckily, I already had experience doing that through a decade and a half of people watching and understanding how people worked.
Eventually, I went back into the world and applied those skills to real life standup comedy. And it wasn’t perfect. That nervousness came back. It took me a few years before I could consistently be as confident as I wanted to be on stage. But once that confidence was there, I was unstoppable. I just had to get out of my own way. Understand that even if this audience didn’t like a certain joke, that was okay. It didn’t mean I was bad. It just meant that that joke didn’t work in the moment. Just adjust and keep going. Power through. Keep calm. Don’t let yourself get in your own way. Let people see the person you want to be. At the end of the day, communication comes down to two things: the work you’ve done to get to where you are, and confidence. And even though these things can be a lot more difficult to get for some of us, it is worth it to find community. You’ll find your niche. You just gotta be willing to understand where everybody else is coming from. And ironically, mimicking how other people act and speak can be a pathway to finding out how to be your authentic self.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I’m most well known for my content on TikTok/Instagram (@TheRealCodyWebb). I do a lot of videos about autism, asexuality, general LGBTQ+ content, as well as just stuff that I think is funny. I also do standup comedy in Portland and occasionally in other areas in the Pacific Northwest.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
* Ability to listen * Patience
* Perseverance
Ability to listen and patience were abilities that I developed only after I stabilized my mental health. Prior to going on medication, I was impulsive and had an extremely short temper. Medication isn’t the answer for everyone, but doing what you need to do to feel like you’re really in control of your body and your actions makes a world of difference.
In terms of perseverance, you just need to try your best to remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. For me, it’s to make people laugh. Remembering that and that some people will like what I put out makes the bombing and the hate comments a lot less relevant in my head. Because ultimately, why should I care about the opinion of somebody who doesn’t like what I’m making, when I could focus on the people that I’m providing joy for? Don’t get me wrong, hate and bad shows still get to me sometimes, but remembering why I do what I do makes it easier and allows me to center myself.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
This is going to sound a little self-centered, but I think I’m the person who’s been the most helpful. I am constantly doing self-reflection for both my creative work and my social life. How I can become a better comedian and a better person. For most of my life I’ve been the only person I can rely on because I didn’t have any real friends and my family was a mess. (except for my grandma. Shout out to my grandma!) Ultimately, the reason I’ve been pushing myself to get better at communicating or get better at comedy or to quit things that no longer worked was because I wanted to make my life better. Now, I love my friends, but this support structure I’ve built is still relatively new and foreign to me. And I’m getting better on leaning on my friends in my time of need, but all the skills I’ve needed to get to where I am, I’ve had to develop myself. And I’m absurdly proud of myself for what I’ve done. And I hope to keep getting better so I can make other people’s lives better too.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealcodywebb/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRealCodyWebb
- Other: tiktok.com/@therealcodywebb
Image Credits
Emily Ulsh
