Meet Colin Fraser Gray

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Colin Fraser Gray. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Colin, appreciate you making time for us and sharing your wisdom with the community. So many of us go through similar pain points throughout our journeys and so hearing about how others overcame obstacles can be helpful. One of those struggles is keeping creativity alive despite all the stresses, challenges and problems we might be dealing with. How do you keep your creativity alive?

On pondering the question ‘How do I keep my creativity alive’ I have identified several things that I have found to be cornerstones of my creative process. Although it is really a big question that could include fairly mundane answers like getting enough sleep, and enough to eat, to keeping clear of negative mindsets and people, I focus here on inspiration, the act of making, and the means by which I develop ideas.

Sketchbooks. Firstly I pretty much always carry a sketchbook, or at the very least a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. I feel naked without them. Ideas come at us anytime and anywhere, and I want to record them when they are fresh, like planting seeds in a place where they can grow and be remembered. New ideas can be very frail, and need to be nursed into strength, in a warm moist environment, safe from criticism and prying eyes.

I love my sketchbooks. They are my incubators, my nursery of ideas, my womb for thoughts, my Petri dish for experiments. If ones mind was a projector, the sketchbook, for me, is the screen on which I play the first images. I am most inventive in this tiny scale, without the encumbrance of expensive paper, too much detail, and the demanding impact of size. It is very easy to forget ideas, and the more original they are the more vulnerable they are to be forgotten, ironically because they are more original. They don’t look conventional, and thus can be easily dismissed. Sometimes these ideas need to percolate through the system before I can see them as a good fresh idea. The sketchbook then becomes a kind of idea storage container, for future perusal. I look through mine months and years after filling them up to see if anything new can be revealed from little notations that once seemed too odd to be counted.

Inspiration. I went to several art schools, one of which was very demanding that we found our own voice, stick our necks out and be brave and experimental. We are not completely alone however, and we need to constantly look around for inspiration, not just in other peoples artworks, but also at the wonders of the world around us down to the simplicity of the mundane. I remember an absolutely furious teacher yelling at a student for trying to hold onto their ‘artistic virginity’ because they did not want to look at artworks from peers or from art history as they thought it would water down their own ideas. It is true we can be overly influenced, but with time our voice can come to the fore. It’s good to have allies in what we do, and like on the old ‘wanted’ posters from the old west, we want them ‘dead or alive!’

Being playful and trusting the process. An artist friend said that if a young artist was working a year after art school, then there is a 5% chance they will be a working artist later in life. True he was a bit of a curmudgeon, but still, what I am trying to say here is that it is hard to keep going outside of a supportive system. It took me awhile to trust the process of making artworks, and there were several times that my attachment to making artworks became very thin. The challenge is to just start making, and have the tenacity to keep going. If necessary start by just piddling around, even just a little every day. It’s not where you start, it’s where you end up. The ideas will come as you keep working, and just make sure you catch them in a sketchbook, or somewhere you can develop them or refer to them later. It took several ‘cycles’ of this process over a number of years to trust that when I keep working hard enough and long enough I will get a breakthrough. I have never taken heroin but I imagine it to be a similar feeling of elation that I feel when I have a breakthrough; when an unexpected fruitful solution is generated that would never have revealed itself without the process of making.

So inspiration, a place to work through ideas, along with the process have all worked together to create these periodic natural high points that make me want to go back for more. It’s a kind of organic motor, or creative life cycle, but there is one more thing, and the general word for it is play. It’s a funny word if you look at it, but it is the glue that holds it all together, as well as the breath that animates, so although small, four little letters to be precise, its function is really grand. There is a kind of serious play that demands a seat at the table. It wont be silenced by dull conformity, or societal norms. It is a fierce warrior, – no, perhaps a better term would be an ‘agile warrior’, and will protect and advance one’s creativity with courage. We need to match that serious play with our tenacity. Courage comes from the French word coeur, meaning heart, and tenacity, is from the Latin word tenax, which means ‘hold fast’. So, in effect it means that we are ‘holding fast’ the ‘language of the heart’. That seems to be a very good idea indeed!

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I am a visual artist, and more specifically a sculptor, so my focus has mostly been 3D, but I also make many drawings, sketches, collages, and prints. In the past I have also made several permanent public artworks. For relaxation, I take photographs, and sometimes manipulate them to try to make them better. I rarely do, and so although I take photographs for my own pleasure, they often frustrate me, as after studying the greats and taking over 100,000 photographs, I can say that none are really that good, so I can fairly say photography is my hobby, and fine art is my challenge, my work, my passion. It is also my community.

I was raised in England and arrived in California on the 4th September 1981 with $200 in my pocket, a portfolio, suitcase, and a backpack (I wish I still had that $200 !), and it has been a wild ride. Letting unconscious expectations go of what constitutes a decent life in England freed me of numerous ‘needs and wishes’ as I explored Californian life. Losing one’s unconscious cultural expectations happens pretty naturally when you pick up roots. It is surprisingly freeing, and has allowed for much unencumbered thinking and being.

Fortunately by about 1988 I had achieved three of my top ‘goals’, and I say fortunately because although they measured well in terms of formal success I discovered they were not really as fulfilling as I had hoped and wished for. They were great on the resume, -teaching at a top University with a cliff top studio overlooking the Pacific Ocean, having a sold out show in San Francisco, as well as a solo show in a 57th street gallery in New York City, but they were just not that nourishing. So I struggled for the next twenty years or so with the question ‘what actually constitutes success’, as i also struggled with all kinds of things, envy, being poor, divorce, threats of deportation due to my intense allergy to formal paperwork, losing my university teaching job because of the aforementioned visa needs and allergy to paperwork, living in my van for awhile, losing money on the stock market, you name it. Condensing my woes to one sentence makes me not even recognize myself on paper, since I was not necessarily unhappy, and require no violins to accompany my story. Since I had already let go of many expectations already, I do think that perhaps it was part of the key to a happy survival.

About 14 years ago I made a number of changes; I moved town, changed where I work, changed my artwork, or IT changed might be more accurate.

During this new chapter of my life, I had felt hurt by being excluded from a group museum exhibit that had included my friends, peers, my former students, even my girlfriend of that time. There must be ten thousand exhibits that I am not a part of around the globe at any one time, and I have no claim on any one of them, but this one hurt. I even attended the inner circle reception, and numerous fellow artists could not understand why I was not in there with them either, and although I put on a good face I saw the show as cliquey, and the curators Ivory towered.

A friend said ‘the best revenge is to live well’ and after this event, I decided to open my own museum called ‘The Museum for One’, that was just for me, and my work. The early versions had a selections of my drawings, paint or colored wooden structures on the wall and a small quirky shelf to hold a half sized bottle of wine, one wine glass, and some peanuts for sustenance during the opening. One artist, one guest, one curator, one museum director, one preparator, one framer, one registrar, one donor and they were all me. Well, I did like it frankly, but it also seemed a little sad, so I decided that I should show the work of artists who i admired too, so I started to show their works as well, mostly long gone artists like Sharaku, and these ‘Museum for One’ artworks also became more three dimensional, and started to become ‘platforms’ to explore ideas, commentaries and topographies as much as showing conventional artworks. These pieces were either made in three dimensions with a simple wood structure, or they would start as large drawings in Prismacolor, that I could collage into, or manipulate in Procreate and print.

At this time I was getting involved with Mary Perez at her VITA Art Center in Ventura helping develop the exhibition space and curating exhibits of my artist friends works. I was relying on my many years looking at art in Southern California, and the many artists friends I had made along the way, who in one way or another were not always getting the attention they deserved, and exhibiting them alongside artists who were well known, and mixing it all up a bit. I see this as a boost to the younger or lesser known artists, and an opportunity for better known artists to ‘give back’ and share something of their largess. The trade seems at first unbalanced, but I no longer believe that. I do think there is as much of a gift in giving, as there is in receiving, as if those with plenty to give will burst if they cannot give some of themselves away. The better the ‘fit’ in the recipient, the better the gift for both parties. So over sixteen years, VITA has also become a place to practice magnanimity. Not an easy thing for me having been a middle child! We have witnessed VITA become something of a magnet and hub for noteworthy artists of the South Coast from LA to the North and beyond. Even David Hockney contributed a piece to a show of South Coast British artists, and kindly circumnavigated his whole organizations paperwork (thank God) to loan us a piece that generally lives above his piano at home.

In VITA I have found something of an answer to my twenty year quest of what is success, and perhaps it is answered best by what Einstein said, ‘strive not to be of success, but rather be of value.’ I’m still grumpy at times, demanding and often irritated by things, but life is rich and rewarding and I am learning to let go of my old versions of success. There is an irony to this whole thing too, and it is a curious irony, because what we are essentially ‘doing’ is creating a great place for ‘being’ and it is a lot of work! Doing for the community is very different to doing for oneself however, and I think it’s good to balance time between ‘doing’ and ‘being’ better, and its much more rewarding to me than my more youthful goals.

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If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

Hmmmm, well I think I partly covered this in my answer to ‘how do i keep my creativity alive’, but it’s still a good question because it makes me work harder at clarifying certain things. I think being curious is a big benefit to anybody, just as being playful is, and asking oneself the question ‘what if?’ can draw out both curiosity and playfulness. Again, it’s important to me to be fierce in defending play, curiosity and creative thinking. It can be a lonely enterprise to live without allies in this regard, and so I think it wise, entertaining and fulfilling to find some allies in being curious, playful and creative, – co conspirators in asking the question ‘what if’? Now there are many people who appreciate creativity playfulness and asking what if?, but perhaps find it hard to participate themselves. These might be considered supporters but not useful in the game, but there are others who are absolute poison to being creative and these folk are to be avoided if at all possible. Society needs these people, so no judgement in that regard, but they are no good for the creative process. They need to be kept at bay until the creative work is done. They are often the bean counters, and I thank them for doing that because I would be no good it it, and if they were asked this same question, I would forgive them for being fierce with me about me not counting beans!

At VITA, there are special non utilitarian things built into the furniture and decor of VITA to confound pure utility and practicality and purposely try to turn that sensibility around. Quirky furniture gives permission to the creative process, and signals VITA is a safe space to explore and be curious. I was weaned at art school on Camus and ‘the absurd’ and I feel it freed me from having to tow the line, and helped me seek out areas of opportunity for creativity.

I think in maybe a good time to mention what I see as the difference between creativity and productivity. Dare I say that there are many artists who are productive, and even wildly so, but are not necessarily creative. Art is not necessarily creative and much has zero surprise and tells no stories. It’s hard to be creative, but I feel there needs to be at least some breaking of the rules to be interesting, to make it a ‘Bid for freedom’.

Although I have spoken here about bean counters rather rudely, and described things that might help keep them at bay like garlic is to demons, but truly we need them for they create an environment that functions safely for all of us, and really they probably secretly enjoy basking at times in the freedom and nuttiness of creative folk.

Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?

My mother died when I was nine years old, and I have always felt that due to her dying I have had to learn what she could not teach me through my relationships with women. I would say that Mary, my partner and founder of VITA Art center has been a profoundly important person in this later period of my life. We started as just great friends, with no eye or aspiration to being anything else, and I can say from some experience that it is a great way to start a committed relationship. There were no sparks and craziness, just solidity, laughter, mutual respect and the loyalty that can only be there in a great friend. Rather than our relationship fizzling out when the veil is lifted, it grows stronger and more sparkly and fun since there was no veil to lift, no Jungian projection to withdraw in the first place. She is the ally I was talking about in the last question. She can futurize, ask ‘what if’, and is playful and one of the funniest people I know. She compliments my skillset by taking care of the art center finances, programming, graphics, and personnel, to name but a few and we see eye to eye on very carefully curating who comes into the VITA culture, and her personality is like a magnet to people from five years old to ninety five. She is Miss Mary to many, Mary Perez to the bean counters, just ‘Mary’ to more, M. L. G. Perez in her passport and ‘Buster’ to me because she drops her cell phone pretty much every day. Mary has a good life compass, and in contrast I seem to have broken pretty much every rule in the book, so as well as being a partner to me she is like a personal life coach and probation officer all in one, with an occasional dash of dictator thrown in, After lots of work, fun, and over a decade together, we feel we have built something that is worth celebrating.

Contact Info:

• Website: Colinfrasergray.com. Vitaartcenter.com
• Instagram: Colinfrasergray Vitaartcenter
• Youtube: Interview; Colin Fraser Gray

Image Credits

Portrait of Colin by
Mary Perez. All other images by Colin Fraser Gray