We were lucky to catch up with Crystal Fielder recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Crystal, so excited to talk about all sorts of important topics with you today. The first one we want to jump into is about being the only one in the room – for some that’s being the only person of color or the only non-native English speaker or the only non-MBA, etc Can you talk to us about how you have managed to be successful even when you were the only one in the room that looked like you?
Just because someone may not “look like me” doesn’t mean they aren’t relatable to something I may have experienced. I have always remained true to the heart of who I am. Nobody can tell my story better than me, so I have never looked at my effectiveness or success as a competition and I feel that is why I’m effective and successful. I know that can sound cliché for the time we live in where everyone wants to be deemed as a motivational speaker, but you can always sift out in time who’s really true to their passion in helping people. It bleeds out in their daily living. So, for me I am aware that I may stand alone sometimes in the room but that doesn’t mean my space is inaccessible.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
My name is Crystal and I am a certified Maternal Support Practitioner (Full Spectrum), Childbirth Educator, and a Motivational Speaker. I am the creator and operator of #CrystalsCounsel for the past 8 years. I’ve had the esteem opportunity and pleasure through my own personal experience, God given revelation, or the experience of others to be in the position to help families, especially women find their voice for themselves or in their relationship. With me being in this position God allowed other doors to open for me. I later became a Doula/Midwife based on my own personal trauma with childbirth horror with my children. I knew that if I felt this way, other women felt this way. It’s difficult to be in the middle of labor and have to focus on fighting/advocating for yourself. That’s not what childbirth is or should be about, and yet, we have to face this very common battle constantly in a moment that is sacred. My own personal battle, especially with the birth of my son created a deep passion inside of me to help advocate and properly educate women and families. I was already doing that in a sense with #CrystalsCounsel because I was gifted with the platform to be able to speak to the hearts of women’s emotions when it came to them knowing their worth and building self esteem. This is just another avenue given to me by God to continue down this path but where women and families are aware of their parental rights and how to properly go about creating a positive environment that the family, especially the birth parent feels is conducive for them.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
1. Understanding that life is a lesson which is inevitable, but growth from that is optional. Most times when you meet someone they come with unhealed trauma. In that trauma creates perspective, and in that perspective is the reason for the choices they have made. I chose to understand the things that were in my elements of control and what wasn’t. The things that happened to me that weren’t in my control were great lessons, but the ones that were in my control were also my elements of growth in becoming who I am today.
2. Being tenacious can be a gift and a curse. I am naturally a fighter. I come from a family who fights (literally) and in that it sometimes has cost me because I have fought too long over things that were dead. But I have also fought in moments where others thought they got the best of me. Understanding the balance of when to fight and when to walk away sometimes is the biggest fight for us because it can come down to a matter between the heart and mind. I fought to get where I am, but I also learned in some of those instances I should’ve walked away which was a lesson.
3. My children are a reflection of the environment I give them. I had my daughter at 20, so I was a single parent most of her life until she was a teenager. That’s when I met my husband. During my life in trying to be this strong black woman that society pushes, I adapted traits that weren’t the best for her to see. I became a little to unemotional in moments where she should’ve seen me be soft. It wasn’t until I got into my 30’s right before I met my husband, I realized that she needed to see the softer side of me, and by that it wasn’t a point of her not seeing or getting affection but more so her seeing me cry. Crying was deemed through past failed relationships as being weak and with me raising her on my own I didn’t want her to experience the “weakness”. Then I realized if she doesn’t see me cry and be soft in this, if she doesn’t see how I react naturally in tough situations, she won’t know how to handle the bad times that come in her life because she’s always been exposed to the “good”. She will be a reflection of something that isn’t real.
My advice to others would be to understand what moment you’re in. We have been conditioned to be in a rush for everything (the microwave era) and it’s just getting started. In that, if we don’t take a moment to pause to really assess what we are going through, who’s apart of our journey watching us, what control do we have in what we are facing…it’ll be a lot harder to make the adjustments needed to feel successful, or even fulfilled.
Who is your ideal client or what sort of characteristics would make someone an ideal client for you?
Someone who is my puppet and listens *laughs*…..no, but seriously there is a level of trust that is needed in order for my clients birth experience to be what they want it to be. I am only a guide to their desires, it’s not my decision on how things go. I can only provide the proper knowledge to help. Ultimately my clients have to trust themselves. I push for them to trust themselves because when they can do that, I’ll be able to adjust in giving them the proper care for a smooth transition. As far a my clients on the motivational side, it’s still the same things. We often times doubt ourselves, our inner wisdom that’s why we are always outsourcing knowledge elsewhere. We need someone to tell us when, what, how, and a lot of times we silence the God in us because we are always searching to hear his voice in others.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.oshunwombs.com
- Instagram: @ImCrystalE
- Facebook: Crystal Fielder
