Meet Danah Jarbouh

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Danah Jarbouh. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Danah below.

Danah, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?

While writing this article, I realized there’s no secret formula for overcoming adversity, as each case is different… but in my case, walking away and waiting was the best thing I could have done. Not fighting at school or insulting my family. I just had to wait and learn to love myself until the time came to let it all go. Under any circumstance, we must be patient and reserved. Right now, I haven’t found a place where I feel welcome or welcomed, a place that would be empty and irreplaceable once I leave… But I’ve found a place in my mind where external criticism doesn’t affect me and where it doesn’t matter to me. After all, it usually comes from things I have that others can’t have, so I only awakened that resentful feeling, and that’s great! I awaken things in people that they can’t forget.Writing stories about my traumas or things that have shaped me has helped me a lot. It’s a relief, and I always feel the need to see my life as a movie, so we can say that by writing a story about a real event, it’s like slowly creating my own biography.

Every person is unique, and we can’t deny ourselves. That place is waiting for me, and I’m walking straight toward it.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

For My whole life, people just considered me as a weirdo, even when I was so Young and I couldn’t defend myself. As long as I can remember, Venezuela is a country where many taboos still exist, and being autistic or special in general is one of them. This leads to misinformation on the subject and not everyone knows how to differentiate between a rebellious child and a neurodivergent child, which is my case. To date, I have only presented some symptoms of high-functioning autism, but I haven’t had the opportunity to be diagnosed… But all that never stopped me, and on the contrary, it pushed me to keep going. I am Danah and this is my story.

My life as a young age:

Elementary School

When I was a kid I lived in El Vigía city in Mérida, Venezuela. I was considered a weirdo, like I just said. Other girls act like they were older because they wanted to be, they even stopped to watch cartoons and play with their own barbies and we just were less than seven years old! But me? I never didn’t, I loved weird cartoons that even were considered as male cartoons, kind of Regular show, adventure time, or Clarence. I also watched some girly cartoons but my actual favorite ones were the male ones. In my elementary school in Venezuela, those girls were confusing to me, they wanted to be my friends but the next day they hated me and used to say I was their enemy and I didn’t knew why. Any silly or stupid thing I said they would overreact, saying they were sick of me and walking away.

Eventually, we grew up, maybe we were between eight and ten years old but they stopped to do the same thing, why? Because they start to bully me, I felt like I was a weirdo and I wasn’t someone normal, like something was wrong with me, maybe something that was broken. I used to have a lot of energy and I got excited for any silly thing, so they started to silence me as a whole class! Now it wasn’t just a group of My old ten Friends, now it was a whole class with thirty something kids, at least. I just wanted to say something funny or a silly Joke but they just yell so loud to shut me up, so I prefer to hide My energy and humor.

In that Elementary school in Venezuela I also had a teacher in that class, who was also the Main teacher in that classroom, She was called María, but for me she was a Big monster. She used to humiliate the kids who had no skills enough for math, (You may don’t know, but the Math in Venezuelan or Latin American schools in general are advanced than americans, so it was harder for those kids like me)

Ms. Maria used to teach her class, and she would ask everyone questions and have them come up to the board to do exercises. She would slowly notice which students were behind in Math. She would let three opportunities pass where she would ask you questions and you would either go blank, get an answer wrong, or even confess that you didn’t know. Then she would make you sit next to her desk and give you extra homework. Sometimes she would talk to your parents after class, as if you were a bad student or a Bad kid! As you can Guess, I had to sit next to her desk for a long time, and She was so rude with us. Right now I am seventeen and I can remember that those other kids who had to sit with Mrs. Maria, like me, also had Autism or ADHD symptoms.

Maybe right now it’s different, but during the 2010s and beyond, in Venezuela the topic of mental health was a taboo, so at school, if the parents didn’t have a diagnosis or medical report confirming that the child was neurodivergent, the child only showed symptoms of bad manners or rebellion. Anyways, I always has a Big talent for Drawing and for visual arts! After a test, I was Drawing in My lunchtime and I was talking with some girls who wanted to know what I was doodling, then, Mrs. María was there and she said: “Look at her, wasting time without doing what she really should be doing”, but she was so rude with her voice while she was saying that and it really made me felt Dumb. I still Study in that Elementary school until My penultimate grade (In Venezuela it was the 5th grade of Elementary school) and then I moved to Ejido city when I was Eleven years old,it was in the same city. So I never meet those girls or My teacher after that, but I still felt Bad about myself. I had some friends from other grades and they maded me happy, but just during lunch time because I was younger than they and we could never have a class all together. In venezuela, elementary schools, middle schools and high schools are mixed, so, you can imagine a elementary school girl hanging out with guys from middle school.

In Ejido city I study the Last Elementary school year (the 6th un Venezuela) and I had a teacher called Mrs. Betty, she was lovely and completely kind with me! She noticed that math were tricky for me but she did recognize My art knowledge! She maked me felt comfortable and good enough in school. I Still felt weird but now I had pride about being different, just that! So, how did I solve it?

I basically stayed away from that group of people, I got a sit far away from them and knowing though they were my friends from a very young age, I kept quiet, ignoring them because they were not my friends anymore. I eventually moved to another city, and I didn’t knew yet that I was migrating some years later, so I got even farther away fro them… but if I never did, I might keep being by my cite and ignoring them forever, and making new friends would be worth it.

My Family

I still felt like a black sheep in my family. I have an arabic side and then a venezuelan side and both cultures are not good friends, starting that ( IN MY OWN CASE) my arabic family were a bit xenofobic when their sons were in love with all venezuelan women, it is a nonsense thing because my arabic family were born in Venezuela, they are arabic migrants so… why will you migrate to a country with people you hate?. My arabic grandmother never wanted to meet me or my young sister, my aunts live in other places like New York, Argentina and Syria (Syria is where my arabic family is from) and my dad who lives in Florida. I know all of my aunts but I dont remember anything about the one who lives in Syria, maybe I knew her when I was a very young baby. However, my dad likes more the venezuelan culture, so I was never forced to practice the druze religion or forced to use the hijab or any kind of hijab, I am still studying in my junior year, I don’t even speak arabic! So, my dad actually hated the way my aunts were forced to stop studying, so I think he never wanted me to live like that

I was a Dad’s girl, he used to call me by sweet nicknames like “Nana linda” ( Cutie nana, for Danah”) and then I had a healthy relationship with my dad and also with my mom.

So, my Arabic family are not the main point in my life. We should talk about my Venezuelan family. I can’t disappoint them because they given me an excellent education about values, respect and discipline, but I didn’t felt like I belonged there. I had a lot of energy, I was noisy and I used to have weird ideas. Some normal things like attending a phone call were so challenging for me and today I still don’t know why it was so hard for me, but it was anyway. Somedays I just wanted to keep in my tablet or playing with my DSi in my grandmother’s room and it was weird for them.

I spent my days locked up in my house. I was raised indoors, only going to school and home. I never went to my friends’ houses; they all had to come to my house if they wanted to see me. So, I didn’t want to go anywhere like my grandmother’s house, and when I did, the heat really bothered me and it was enough of an excuse to hide in my room with my tablet. As a result of that locked-up upbringing, I was afraid to talk to new people, sometimes even friends or acquaintances who were normal to talk to. It’s not that they had done anything wrong to me, it’s just that I couldn’t speak up and then they would scold me because they didn’t know what was happening to me. They thought I was spoiled, but I was nervous and didn’t want to be there.

The thing became worst in time, after i turned 12. I had anxiety attacks in normal situations, when I had to interact with other people ( In my grandmother’s house Many people would visit her constantly, and of course they wanted to meet me since I didn’t live that close to there and some of their friends didn’t know me yet.) and my family were worried about my behavior. So when I wasn’t there, maybe in the bedroom, they used to ask my mom for a psychologist for me or just complaints against me! And it naked my mom felt so embarrassed, like everyone’s daughter were brilliant, mature and smart, but her own daughter was the worst and people just noticed that. My mom told me about their complaints and I felt nervous, even though I was at home, maybe having another few months without going to Grandma’s house, but I felt as nervous as if I had all my uncles talking badly about me at my dining room table.

I think my behavior got better after every visit to my grandmother’s house. When I was thirteen and fourteen I was more open to talk with other people or to laugh about jokes with my family, but something wasn’t completed for me, I didn’t belong to that place. It is a weird sensation, but its when you are in a place you shouldn’t be and you see someone who looks like your mom or you see your mom’s car, that kind of fear. It’s a chill combined with heat and the way a drop of sweat falls leisurely down your back.

How did I solve it?

Just like in the last point, I got far from them, when I lived in Venezuela, I tried to keep quiet, because they also were misinterpreting any thing I said, and if they called me for anything, I just I just obeyed and returned to my place in bed, waiting forever until I went home. I just have ONE favorite uncle, He is my Uncle Melvis! He also feels different and he also had problems with my Kike uncle, who do bad jokes and annoying stuff… But I felt comfortable with my Uncle Melvis, I wish I could spend more time with him, but he is in Venezuela and I am in Utah. I can’t delete my family or pretend they don’t exist, so I just got respectfully far from them, and now, being in other country, I don’t talk with anybody, just my Uncle Melves when he is free. Just keep going!

Middle School in Venezuela

After the pandemic, we could go to school with facemasks and with all the security rules, in school again, I met my two friends from my elementary school in Ejido City, we became friends again and we included a new guy in our classroom. I really felt them as my family. I was the only girl in the crew and it made me felt special, just like Germaione Granger, Lola Bunny or this female character in a male video game or movie. Then we met people from other classrooms and we had a whole group, my life just felt like a movie… but with time, I felt lonely, I felt like I wasn’t important enough for my friends, because they used to act friendly with other friends than me, maybe I was overthinking but something later confirmed what I thought.

On December 7th My family had the notice that we had to migrate to Utah. We had received the flight permit and it was soon time to leave and I think one of my last conversations with them was “Hi, I’m sorry but I have to go out of the country :(“ and no more. Of course they answer be, being sad about it and stuff but I never receive another text from them, or any present or even just a small letter. They had almost the whole January month to hang out with me but they just didn’t, that’s why I decided to block them all before I left. The only ones who really cared about my last day in Venezuela were a friend and a tiny high school sweetheart I had, my friend gave me a letter with drawings and the cute stuff I used to like, but that didn’t make any difference between this friend and my group. We used to call this guy by his last name, Abreu.

Abreu was a friend I knew in my 6th grade in Venezuela, in EJido City when I moved and I remember he was always so smart! I really think he had potential enough to study in Harvard and I am not exaggerating. But then, in middle school he became slightly rude and jealous about everything or maybe just me. He used to downplay my achievements or good grades. In 2023 I wrote a tiny book called “El loco del pueblo”. It was a Thriller but is just in spanish, however, He and everyone in our group liked Thriller stories, so I tried to tell my friends about the thing I just wrote in a break we had, They were so disinterested and indifferent about whatever I had written. They hadn’t even read the synopsis and were already rejecting the idea of reading it. I didn’t even force them to; I just wanted to announce what I had done and share it with them! But Abreu became so annoying because I had written my book on Wattpad, and as we know, it’s a social network where the vast majority of books are for adults or maybe not very good. But that doesn’t mean it’s a good place to promote your book online. Wattpad can work for starting out. Perhaps my first books weren’t suitable for sale since I had written them without much experience, so Wattpad could be an ideal place, instead of Amazon, for example, where I should publish more professional material since people could pay to read it.

But he still bothered me almost every day, saying that what I wrote was ridiculous or that it was just another American K-Pop band story when it had nothing to do with it. (I have nothing against K-Pop, on the contrary! I love it. I’m just stating what he said.) Maybe if I told him the story as a movie or a book independent of me, he’d probably like it. Maybe he honestly didn’t have a problem with Wattpad, because after a few months, I saw that he had the app himself, and when I asked him, he was laughing and said it was because he was reading a poetry collection that Mary, one of our friends at the time, had made, and it seemed like the two of them were in a relationship, so… the problem was me, apparently. The problem was that I made a book, not the action, the problem was the author.

This happened a long time ago. I even had to write to them and talk to their mother because I was having anxiety attacks about it at home, and that problem had already been solved. But it still hurts in my chest when I remember my insistence and the way they ignored me and the way they made me feel like something was wrong with me. Maybe it was the way I said it, or maybe I was being too intense about my book. I never felt like the book itself was a problem. I knew they weren’t the least bit interested in any art project of mine. Mary used to like K-pop too and I asked her to make a dance group but she always rejected me. Some time after that, she made a dance group with other friends I didn’t know! But she denied me when I asked the same thing, just because she was embarrassed about dancing in front of everyone… Just not with me. Not me, Not me. It was a group I was very fond of, but eventually I felt alone and isolated.

Migration:

“Friends”

However, when you migrate out of the country, those friends you left away become jealous of you and the things or money you get, just because they can’t have all of those things because they didn’t had the same opportunity as you, that’s when you realize who your “friends” really are. I finally joined again the group chat I had with Abreu and my other two friends from elementary school, I left that group before because of my problems with Abreu, so being in Utah, I joined again, and they were talking shout the new school schedule they had and I did a comment about, here in USA, the office print you own schedule for you, but in venezuela you have to write it in your notebook, so I said that and he got really angry! He said “Yeah, You have a better life there and we do not, I got it.”

He said it suddenly. No one was angry about this situation. He had started it all, and he knew some of the tough times I had experienced during my immigrant journey, topics I’ll touch on later. I tried to defend myself and then chose to stay quiet in the group. Abreu wrote me privately that he was sorry but didn’t know why he said it. I told him I was disappointed, and he continued apologizing. I blocked him again and deleted the group from my phone. You could say I was dramatic, but I see things not for what they are, but for what they represent. So, if we look at what that represented: He was upset that I had a better life than him in any way, so any little thing like a school schedule made him explode at me. So, he was almost the only one who was willing to leave me a letter telling me to leave, but the things he did afterward completely diminished his value. I can even interpret that as him being excited to see me out of his life. Four years later, we were in contact, but it wasn’t the same anymore. I couldn’t have a conversation with someone who had done that to me. I already knew who he really was and I didn’t like him. I couldn’t trust him again, so I blocked him again without saying goodbye.

How did I solve it?

Blocking them all! Technology now allows you to completely remove someone from your life, or at least from your virtual life. You can block someone as if they don’t exist, and you can delete images and videos as memories. We may not be able to erase the feeling or anything like that, but at least it’s a first step. Just being far from them after realizing they weren’t friends. As I’ve grown older, my stories have evolved from fantasy to sad and realistic. I was inspired by my middle school friends to create “Replaced.” A migrant girl has an accident that leaves her with amnesia and only remembers her life from when she was 15 in Colombia. So she travels to Colombia to see her friends and remember her life, but she finds that her friends, and specifically her boyfriend, have already forgotten her and that even her boyfriend wanted to replace her. So she returns to the United States without telling anyone. I felt that way a few months ago because I couldn’t do that to my friends, but they did it to me. I need to write a story to turn the page or to get over it. I need to communicate what I feel to vent and move on.

My Family in Utah

When I arrived in Utah, I lived in my aunt’s house for almost one year. We might call her as Y Aunt. My mom told me she was bossy and mean sometimes but me, being so dumb, I trusted my Aunt wasn’t too bad, but my mom was right. I used to be silly, childish, innocent, and intense; she was the complete opposite. However, she turned into an evil stepmother, like Cinderella’s, when I think she could be a fairy godmother. I was forced to repress my personality and be boring and raw. Sometimes I was confused about wearing pink or a neutral color because she always rolled her eyes and scolded me for wearing Hello Kitty t-shirts or cute stuff. She also criticized my personality and compared me to someone who hurt me and my family when I was a child. We lived in the same house, but I wouldn’t even look her in the eye or speak to her. I used to spend my afternoons at the library, just so I wouldn’t be there. We don’t talk now, but she came over for my little sister’s birthday and brought me a chocolate bar, which she knows I like. I think she wants to make up for her mistakes, but I feel something similar to what happened to me with Abreu, and more specifically, the reason why I ended that friendship: Distrust. I always say I am not a family person, but the reason why hurts deep down. I even told her about my dream of being a Film director and actress, and she just laughed and preferred to say nothing to me.

How did I solve it?

I just ignored her like I could block her too but in real life. Then I waited until I moved in with my mom and my younger sister.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

★Comic Artist: This job is just amazing. I started to make My own comics when I was a kid and I still do it, it’s like animation but there is any movement. Don’t stop making art! I know it’s not the main job in the world, but just keep going.

★Writer & Comic Creator: You can create Everything You want to happened in your story, I used it to express My own stories or fictional ones. The same thing, DON’T STOP!

★Expression: I used My storyteller and Drawing skills to express My stories to people and that is something I appreciate so much. If You have questions or anxiety about not being enough, don’t feel sorry, don’t sorry about anything, it is your own emotional process and this Will help You on that, just do what You want to happened on your story.

Okay, so before we go, is there anyone you’d like to shoutout for the role they’ve played in helping you develop the essential skills or overcome challenges along the way?

Myself. The people I’ve confided in with secrets or difficult things have turned their backs on me or simply aren’t in the same country as me. I’m always left alone, and I’m the only person who can’t be separated from me. I can’t separate myself from myself. I was born with myself and I’ll die with myself, so there’s no one I love more than myself.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.webtoons.com/p/community/en/u/g9e5x
• Instagram: @Danah__jarbouh
• Youtube: DJ’S (@Danah_Jarbouh)
• Other: Wattpad: @Danah_jarbouh