Meet Daniellie Marie Conley

We recently connected with Daniellie Marie Conley and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Daniellie Marie , really appreciate your meeting with us today to talk about some particularly personal topics. It means a lot because so many in the community are going through circumstances where your insights and experience and lessons might help, so thank you so much in advance for sharing. The first question we have is about divorce and how you overcame divorce and didn’t allow the trauma of divorce to derail your vision for your life and career.

When you make a public declaration of your commitment to another person, you stand there full of hope with no anticipation that it will ever end. I was a 22 year old girl when I got married and despite the red flags and waring signs I decided to proceed with this profound belief that everything would work out for me.

5 years later, I decided to dissolve the marriage and while I believed it was the best thing for me to do there is no denying it impacted the trajectory of my next relationships. I wish I could say that I overcame divorce in a healthy way, but the truth is I did not. Instead of coping with the pain, guilt, shame and unanswered questions in a healthy way; I found myself using self destructive coping mechanism, which you can learn more about by listening to my Podcast (Moment’s with Daniellie Marie).

I’d like to share with you a few things that I have learned along the way that has helped me overcome my divorce and ideally not repeat the cycle again.

1. My identify is not determined by my relationship status. I am who God say’s I am I do not have to be defined by the labels put on me as a divorcee.

2. There is safety in community. The motto for my private practice is “The journey doesn’t have to be traveled alone” and I would encourage anyone dealing with a divorce or even a break up to find a community of people who will love on them without judgement, shame or condemnation. Community could include a therapist, coach, mentor or spiritual advisor ; I started getting to know myself again.

3. Focus on self love. I have have found the more I value myself, the less likely I would allow other’s to devalue me. Spend time alone, reflect on the patterns and you have seen in your choices and make new choices if necessary. Have fun getting to know yourself, explore your interest, build other meaningful relationships.

Perhaps, we can talk another time about what to do when your ready to start dating again, but for now these are just a few tips on how I overcame divorce.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

So, I have a lot of random talents and my goal is to glorify God with them all. As a therapist and relationship coach I am honored to walk along side individuals and couples to help them process their emotions and reach their relationship goals. I am most passionate about serving professional women who are succeeding in their careers but find themselves struggling in their interpersonal relationships.

As an author, I have written and published three books and another one is in the works. I hope that my written words will make an impact and allow other’s to know they are not alone in this journey of life.

As the host of the podcast, ‘Moments with Daniellie Marie’, I hope to empower people by authentically and transparently sharing lessons I have learned along the way and offer tools to alleviate other’s from making some of the same mistakes.

As a recording artist of two music projects, I hope to encourage people to hold on to hope despite the challenges that life will inevitable throw at us.

What I would really like people to know about me is that I am a girl who loves God and people.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

This is a really good question!

Looking back, I would say the three qualities/ attributes that were the most impactful in my journey were: Kindness, Integrity and wisdom.

There are two quotes that I try to live by regarding kindness and I believe it has served me as much as I hope it has honored others.

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”. – Maya Angelou

“Treat everyone as if they have an invisible sign around their neck that says make me feel special” – Mary Kay Ash

Kindness is a beautiful gift that we can offer every person we meet and we never know how much the generosity of a friendly greeting, a welcoming smile or an encouraging word can offer.

As a young girl I was taught that the real person you are is the person you are when no one is watching. This really stuck with me and helped me to be consistent with who I am both privately and publicly. Living a life of integrity positions your character to not be questioned and that has always been really important to me. I would encourage people to be congruent and be their authentic selves.

I like to describe wisdom as (applying the knowledge you have). When it comes to wisdom, I think it is important to note it is not always easy to use wisdom as it often times is not the most popular option. I would encourage folks to pursue wisdom over popularity in every area of their lives because the rewards are plenteous.

Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?

When I feel overwhelmed I try to show myself compassion and offer grace to myself. As a therapist I have found that people are able to empathize with other’s but can be so hard on themselves and to be clear, I am the people too. I try to be diligent about being gentle to myself when I am feeling overwhelmed and understand what I need to support myself.

I would offer the following strategies to consider when feeling overwhelmed:

1. Slow down and make room for the emotions. In my practice I often help my client’ invite their emotions to the party and sit with them instead of trying to suppress the emotion as if it has no validity. When were feeling overwhelmed our body is trying to get our attention to tell us something. Slow down to try to figure out what it is trying to tell you and honor your body.

2. Identify triggers and activators. There may be situations, settings, environments or people that cause an increases of emotions which leads to feeling overwhelmed. Again, try to think of those things when your not feeling overwhelmed so that you can be prepared for them the next time your faced with a similar situation.

3. Create a plan of action for support. Feeling overwhelmed can be inevitable with change and uncertainty try to identify what you might need prior to being in such situations that can help you self regulate and self soothe.

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