We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Darcell Dance Aasha Benton a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Darcell Dance , we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
Darcell Dance/Social Worker and Black Woman Business Owner
At an early age I had teachers who saw my potential and poured into me. I went to schools where we were bussed in from our neighborhood. I was one of a few Black children in my classrooms. My teachers didn’t look like me and they didn’t live in my community. In spite of this, I always felt loved. I was cared for as a student and seen as a whole and unique person. I never felt less than or that I couldn’t do anything that I wanted to accomplish. I remember one of my teachers came to my birthday party at my house. Another teacher took a group of us on a field trip to experience life on a farm. These are experiences that were so profound and are still vivid in my memories. I didn’t get to experience having Black teachers until college but in high school my principal and vice-principal were both Black. This quote comes to mind “You can’t be what you can’t see” by Marian Wright Edelman. Having Black principals was so powerful and inspiring. If they could be leaders in a place that is predominately white and historically excluded Black people, I could be a leader too. In 2021 my high school was renamed for my principal, Mr. Leodis McDaniel. Having these amazing educators in my life set a great foundation for me as a young person and it definitely shaped my career as a social worker and early childhood educator. Everyday I strive to positively change the lives of young people like those who positively changed my life through their words and actions. I am eternally grateful.
Aasha Benton/Social Worker and Black Woman Business Owner
I believe my confidence came from embracing my own uniqueness and being okay with not fitting in the norm. I realized at a young age that people noticed how I could show up as myself and that was “cool” even if I wasn’t trying to be cool. I was just trying to be comfortable in my own skin and accepting myself. I was wearing my natural hair when that wasn’t deemed as stylish in the 90’s. There weren’t many hair care products or media showcasing afros. I was a middle schooler trying to do my own hair. I had to appear confident to avoid being teased and I was teased but I didn’t let those words control me. I was also a big movie lover so my confidence started off as me playing a role. I was playing the character of a confident person and faking it until I could make it. I think so many moments of faking it, I started to actually believe it and that got me through so many times of doubt. The best advice that I was given was “don’t compare yourself to others”. Growing up I had the opportunity to live without social media and now with everything accessible at your fingertips I know it can be difficult to not scroll and envision how your life could be in someone else’s shoes. What keeps me grounded is knowing that there is only one me and there is power in that. I am here on this earth for a reason and I have purpose in this life. I may have times of insecurities or anxiousness because I am human. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I am doing and might feel undeserving but I think about my younger self. I think about how she would see me and want to be me. That makes me feel good.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Aasha Benton and Darcell Dance are the co-owners of Mo Better Wellness, Connection and Facilitation. Mo Better WCF supports Black women through groups, workshops and retreats and partners with organizations to create a workplace where Black women can thrive. They facilitate workshops each September where Black women come together to Relax, Reflect and Refill. The workshops include getting to know you activities, mindfulness and breathing, small and large group discussion topics, journaling and physical movement/dance. Aasha and Darcell also started a non-profit called Village 503. The mission of Village 503 is to promote wellness and connection in the Black Community through activities workshops and events.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Darcell: Three qualities that have been most impactful for me are my ability to develop relationships with people of all ages and backgrounds, setting and maintaining boundaries, and finding joy in everyday experiences. I love connecting with people, having conversations and finding out what we have in common. Learning how to say no and not feeling guilty about it has been a game changer. Everyday I journal about my day and even on the most difficult day, I can recall something that made me smile or brought me joy. Looking back, I’ve volunteered for so many things and spent countless hours on things that I actually didn’t care about. Imagine if I had spent that time and energy on activities that I was passionate about.I would encourage folks who are early in their journey to prioritize and spend their time on the things that they actually want to do.
Aasha: The three qualities that have been impactful in my journey are authenticity, creative problem solving and humor. I believe authenticity can happen naturally if you allow yourself to be you wholeheartedly. It takes vulnerability and courage but it is so liberating. There is power in letting your walls down and allowing yourself to take space. You don’t need to shrink or code switch your way into rooms. When you accept that nobody on this earth can be you, that can transform how you think about yourself. Living authentically is a super power. Creative problem solving is using creativity as a tool to generate ideas and overcome barriers in a unique way. I believe that you can’t complain unless you are bringing solutions. When you focus on what you can control and find solutions to problems, you can create change in your life big or small. Humor and laughter is like medicine. I laugh at everything because life is too short to take everything so seriously. I believe finding joy even in a challenge helps me shift my perspective. I search for gratitude in times of hardship. Times have been really hard and challenges have impacted me but I always say “I’m going to laugh at this one day, not today but I know I will find something funny”.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
Darcell: I like to process the situation with someone, so that I don’t get stuck in my feelings. I try to do a fun activity, so that I’m not dwelling on it too much. I also like to sleep on it. Usually after doing these things I have a more constructive outlook. At that point I can let it go or I can plan and follow through on any next steps.
Aasha: When I feel overwhelmed I give myself a break. That could look like resting, doing some breathing, making some comfort food, watching a show or talking to loved ones. At the end of the day life is too short to focus on things I can’t control. I can control how I react and I’ll do whatever I can to bring myself comfort. I can only do so much, I can’t solve all the world’s problems. I can just do my best.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://mobetter.wcf.com
- Instagram: @mobetter.wcf
- Facebook: Mo Better Wellness, Connection & Facilitation
- Other: https://good2know.blog
Image Credits
Darcell Dance and Aasha Benton
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