Meet Darla Ridilla

 

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Darla Ridilla. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Darla below.

Hi Darla, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?

How I Found My Purpose: From Narcissistic Abuse to Empowering High-Achieving Women
By Darla Ridilla, Founder of High Value Woman

If you had told me ten years ago that I’d be coaching other successful women on how to break free from toxic relationships and reclaim their self-worth, I wouldn’t have believed you. Not because I didn’t think it was important—but because I hadn’t yet faced the full truth about my own life.

My journey to purpose began in a place no woman imagines herself: trapped in a marriage with a malignant narcissist.

I was a high-achieving woman. On paper, I had it all—a strong career, a polished image, a life that looked successful from the outside. But behind closed doors, I was being emotionally dismantled by a man who used charm, manipulation, and cruelty to erode my identity. Narcissistic abuse is subtle, insidious, and incredibly hard to explain to people who haven’t lived it. It’s not just emotional abuse—it’s psychological warfare. It’s brainwashing.

What shocked me the most wasn’t just the abuse itself—it was how misunderstood I was in the aftermath. Even my own licensed therapist victim-blamed me. I was told I should “move on,” that I had “attracted” the wrong kind of man. But what I needed was someone who got it. Someone who understood that narcissistic abuse isn’t something you walk away from—it’s something you have to deprogram from. You need a guide who knows the terrain because they’ve walked through the fire themselves.

That realization planted a seed. If I—a smart, driven, emotionally intelligent woman—could fall prey to a narcissist, then anyone could. I knew I wasn’t alone. And I knew I had to speak up.

But my journey didn’t stop with healing from one narcissistic relationship. I had three.

And that forced me to take a deeper look—not just at my choices, but at myself. I had to ask hard questions:
Who am I outside of what I do for a living? Who am I when I’m not performing, people-pleasing, or over-functioning?
And the answer was… I didn’t really know.

Like many women, I grew up in a home where being “too much” meant being punished. Where expressing my needs was met with the silent treatment. Where being strong-willed or sensitive was framed as a flaw. So I did what many girls do—I buried my authentic self to survive. I learned to achieve instead of feel. To perform instead of be. And somewhere along the way, I lost me.

I started the real work: not just healing from trauma, but rediscovering who I was. I leaned into tools like somatic trauma-informed coaching, Human Design, and deep self-reflection. I stopped asking others for permission to be me. I owned my intensity, my ambition, and my high standards. And I stopped apologizing for any of it.

And something amazing happened: I realized I wasn’t broken—my patterns were.

I saw the through-line between my childhood wounds and the emotionally unavailable men I kept attracting. I realized that if I wanted to change my relationships, I had to stop looking for validation outside myself. I had to raise my standards, protect them with boundaries, and honor my worth—every day.

That’s when my purpose came into full view.

I became a relationship coach for high-achieving women because I was the executive assistant who looked like she had it all together—except when it came to love. I know what it’s like to feel smart in every area of your life except the one that matters most. I know what it’s like to cry in your car between meetings, wondering why the men you love keep choosing other women—or treating you like you’re disposable. I know what it’s like to be strong everywhere but home.

And I know what it’s like to finally say: enough.

Now, I help other women rewrite the narrative. I show them that they are not too much. That their standards are not too high. That they don’t have to choose between success and love—they just need to stop shrinking for the wrong people.

Finding my purpose didn’t come in one moment. It came through pain, reflection, and radical honesty. And I wouldn’t trade a single piece of the journey—because now I get to help women rise.

Just like I did.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I’m the founder of High Value Woman, a trauma-informed relationship coaching business for high-achieving women who look like they have it all together—except when it comes to love.

I work with successful, driven women who are exhausted by emotionally unavailable men, tired of playing small in their relationships, and ready to break the cycle of codependency and self-abandonment. These women are CEOs in the boardroom but feel invisible in their own homes. They’ve read all the books, gone to therapy, and still find themselves stuck in the same patterns. That’s where I come in.

What makes my work different is that I don’t just coach from theory—I coach from lived experience. I’ve survived narcissistic abuse, rebuilt my identity from the ground up, and know firsthand what it takes to stop searching for love in the wrong places and start validating your worth from within.

My coaching isn’t surface-level. I bring a trauma-informed lens, somatic work, and real-life strategy to help women reconnect with who they really are underneath the people-pleasing, perfectionism, and performance. I help them raise their standards, create boundaries they actually stick to, and show up with power in their personal lives—not just in business.

Right now, I’m most excited about my newest program: The 90-Day Reinvention. This is my high-touch, high-transformation coaching experience for women who are ready to finally stop attracting the same man with a different face. It combines 1:1 coaching, weekly trainings, and real accountability so clients can go from emotionally exhausted to empowered in every area of their life.

And here’s the truth: reinvention isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about finally becoming you—the woman you were before life told you to be quiet, to shrink, to settle.

Through High Value Woman, I’ve built a movement. A space for women to reclaim their voice, their standards, and their self-respect. I’m not here to help women find a relationship—I’m here to help them stop losing themselves in one.

That’s the mission. That’s the work. And it’s the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

1. Radical Self-Honesty
When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse or emotionally unavailable relationships, it’s easy to gaslight yourself. I had to get brutally honest about my own patterns—not from a place of shame, but from a place of ownership. I had to stop blaming the men I chose and start asking, Why did I keep choosing them? That shift changed everything.

Advice: Stop outsourcing your intuition. Get quiet, get still, and ask yourself hard questions. Journal without censoring. Be willing to see the truth—especially when it makes you uncomfortable. That’s where your power lives.

2. Emotional Intelligence & Nervous System Awareness
I used to think being “smart” meant I could outthink my trauma. But healing doesn’t happen in your head—it happens in your body. Learning how my nervous system responds to stress, triggers, and intimacy was a game-changer. It helped me stop reacting from survival and start responding from grounded self-awareness.

Advice: Study your nervous system. Notice how your body reacts in different situations. Do the somatic work. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about understanding others—it’s about understanding yourself.

3. Resilience with Boundaries
I had always been resilient, but my resilience used to look like tolerating too much. I had to learn that true resilience isn’t about how much you can endure—it’s about knowing what you won’t tolerate anymore. That meant raising my standards, keeping my boundaries, and letting go of people who couldn’t meet me there.

Advice: Resilience doesn’t mean staying—it means walking away when something no longer serves your growth. Practice saying no. Start small. And remember: a boundary is self-love in action.

These three things—self-honesty, nervous system literacy, and resilient boundaries—didn’t just change my life. They helped me find me. If you’re early in your journey, let this be your north star: you’re not broken. But your patterns might be. And you have the power to rewrite every single one of them.

All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?

I’ve done the deep work—recovered from narcissistic abuse, rebuilt my self-worth, and created a powerful business helping other women do the same. But the truth is, healing doesn’t stop when you become a coach. In fact, sometimes it intensifies.

Over the past few months, I’ve had to release relationships that no longer aligned with who I’ve become—friends, family, and even romantic partners. Not because I stopped loving them, but because I stopped abandoning myself to keep them. That kind of loss hits differently. It’s not just painful—it’s disorienting. You’re grieving people who are still alive. You’re grieving the version of yourself that tolerated less than she deserved.

What I’ve learned is that every level of expansion comes with a letting go. And with that letting go comes a choice: do I go back to who I was to keep the peace? Or do I walk forward into the unknown to protect my own?

Right now, I’m choosing peace—even when it hurts.

And I’m doing the same thing I teach my clients to do:
• I’m regulating my nervous system when the loneliness creeps in.
• I’m honoring my boundaries, even when it would be easier to bend them.
• I’m focusing on aligned relationships—those rooted in mutual investment, not obligation.

A recent hike in the Colorado mountains gave me a powerful metaphor: I fell because I was holding my dog too tightly on a rocky trail. That fall reminded me of what happens in relationships when we grip too tightly out of fear. Fear creates control. Love requires freedom.

Sometimes the fall is the warning. Staying might feel safe in the moment—but it can cause deeper injury in the long run.

So, the challenge I’m facing isn’t just personal—it’s deeply professional. Because this level of authenticity, this willingness to keep shedding, makes me a better coach. It sharpens my mission.

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