Meet David Volpe

We were lucky to catch up with David Volpe recently and have shared our conversation below.

David , we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?

I believe gratitude is the cornerstone for resilience. It could always be worse. Could’ve been born to some village in the jungle without grocery stores or clean drinking water, so it minimizes my ability to feel sorry for myself. Could’ve been one of those babies left on the firehouse doorsteps, but I wasn’t. I was lucky enough to have been raised by parents from the projects who had rough upbringings, but pulled themselves out and up. Lessons they’ve lived through don’t die with them, they get passed on to their children.

In Philly, you grow up faster, learn lessons the hard way. Don’t hold your phone tight enough to your ear at the mall? Snatched. Walking in the wrong neighborhood alone? Jumped. Try dope once because nothing else does it anymore? Dead. Small mistakes, big consequences. I’m not the same guy today if I was born in say a quiet suburb in Bumfuck where the most excitement I get is Fourth of July fireworks at the annual street fair; or the most conflict I face is from a math test. No offense to anybody who grows up in places like that, but a city like Philly thickens your skin quicker than most. “Go fuck yourself” or “figure it out” are common answers to many questions back home. Nothing’s given to you. You want it, you work for it; no trust funds or family nest-eggs. Life is work and work is life.
Life there tends to knock you down for fun and getting up is a foundation of growing up. So are making mistakes. When I grew up (as if I’m that friggin old), there weren’t any iPhones or location trackers, so when you left the house it was pure freedom. Come home by curfew and lie about what you did, because as a kid in Philly, you’re always up to something stupid with your best buddies. Trouble follows curiosity as a kid. My dad used to say the worst thing you can be is stupid, so I tried to stay smart. Which meant saying no to a lot of things outside the house. Saying no doesn’t make you cool. It puts a target on your back. Peer pressure in a place like that is a battle of its own. Philly teaches resilience. It’s up to you to be a good student.

I learned how life can beat you blue, but you still have to get up and do what you gotta do, especially when you don’t want to: Best friend dies a year after high school, find out another buddy overdosed soon-after, lose family members too soon, break both legs, work jobs alongside school and figuring out what the fuck you want to make of your life, etc. Bang, bang, bang—year after year it was like that for me. Fast forward to LA. About eight years ago, I moved with enough for two months rent and found myself quickly without a pot to piss in. Don’t have enough money to buy groceries or toilet paper after rent and bills so you get a job at a restaurant so you can eat something and then steal an industrial roll of TP from their bathroom on the way out. Get a second job. A third job. Finally feel like you’re getting something going. Boom, lose it all to Covid lockdowns, lose myself for a little in the midst of it. Back to square one. But still, the next day came whether I liked it or not. The last thing you want to do is face the day when you’re alone across the country away from everyone you know and everything seems pointless. Still, you gotta do what you gotta do. What’s the alternative, give up? That’s not how I was raised and that definitely isn’t my instinct. So, like my parents, who set the example, I dragged myself out and up.
Day-to-day, things can become overwhelming, but drowning in anxiety, self-doubt, and existential dread gets old. It’s easy to give up. Do nothing. Avoid responsibility. Succumb to coping crutches like substance abuse. I grew up around it. I know where that ends up. Wanting something better for yourself means developing resilience, and like everything, it takes practice. Feeling sorry for yourself is another mental cancer. Finding fortitude requires adversity and choosing to face it. For me, it’s fear— I’m afraid of giving up when things get hard more than doing the hard thing, because when you come out the other side, it creates this sense of pride. Pride, when used correctly, becomes a way of facing something seemingly impossible and thinking, “I can do it.” Then, when you’ve done it, whatever it may be, you can say, “I did it.” Few better feelings than that for me.

I’ve authored three books so far, and I’m currently working on a hefty novel. It’s hard, really hard. Most days, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m just another delusional asshole that will never produce something great by my standards, let alone finish something. When you’re working full-time, maintaining your life and an apartment by yourself, finding time is next to impossible. Couldn’t even imagine throwing a baby into that equation, so more power to the younger parents out there. Anyway, when these thoughts creep in– that’s where resilience comes to say, “Fuck that, pick your chin up. Complain about it or do something about it. Find the time, buckle down, because nobody’s going to do it for you.” At the end of the day, the goal is to lie down in bed knowing I did my best. Resilience is a choice.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

I write and I do woodworking. It’s hard to say what makes what I do “special” without sounding like an egotistical dickhead, but between my writing and woodworking, I aim to produce something unique–something only I could create. I devote attention to the details. There’s so many amazing artists in the world, but everybody’s got that thing about their art that makes it unique to the artist. I’m not sure I see it in my own work, but people seem to like what I create, so at least a part of that has to be true.
I try to write things that make you feel something. I loathe superficiality. My goal is substance. At least, that’s what I hope comes across to a reader. With wood, I like to create something that is irreplaceable; something that might become sentimental in a few years because it came as a gift from a loved one. Not just something you can find for a better price on Amazon. I have a wood guy who runs a lumber ranch out past Riverside, CA. I drive out there, chat about the wood and hand-pick what I want after seeing what that piece of wood might want to be. That sounds pretentious, but it’s true. Half the time, I don’t know what I’m going to make until I look at the wood and something pops into my mind. Some of what I have dates back six-hundred to nine-hundred years. You might want a coffee table made out of it, but the wood it’s made with comes with a long story and super unique characteristics.
In terms of writing, I think my upbringing and my nature as an observer delivers details that make for an immersive experience. I’m proud of my most recent book, My Little Friend Rachel. That’d be a good example of what I mean.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

For me? Observation, reflection, and practice. Throw patience in there too.

Everything we experience is subjective, right? Try to train yourself to observe things objectively. Even yourself. Look at the reality of things. Observe the little things like patterns and routines within the things you’re involved in. It helps with avoiding unrealistic expectations. Helps with goal setting too. They call them setting S.M.A.R.T. goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Speaking as a reformed Pantser when it comes to goal-setting, become a Planner. An astute observer can make sense of things easier, and to make sense of something, especially something challenging, is half-the battle. Really sit down and look at what you’re trying to do. Look out at the world around you. How everybody does things and why. Then look inside yourself, and ask the same questions. Objectively speaking, are you taking accountability and responsibility for your actions? Are you speaking from a place of truth?
Reflect before reacting. Put a finger on that emotion you’re feeling. Ask yourself why you’re feeling it. What makes you happy, angry, sad, shameful, guilty, proud, and do some digging. Why am I feeling this way? Reflect on your day. Reflect on the past. Reflect on experiences. Learn something from everything. A common phrase is, life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it. This is true. I was an anxious kid–socially, internally, the mental hamster-wheel never ended. After years of reacting unfavorably in certain situations because of it, I learned that taking a second to breathe, reflect, and react productively is the answer. Sounds simple, but for me it was easier said than done. But something that small—a moment of reflection—can make big changes.
Practice. Not only practice as in the sense of getting “better” at something. Observe, reflect, acquire knowledge, and put it into practice. That’s the only way to grow. Do hard shit. The more you do, the stronger you get, because you will fail…often. Sometimes I was so afraid to fail growing up, I wouldn’t even try. I had to be pushed into things or I needed a timeline that put my back against the wall. That’s the only way I could do anything. Now, I only do what I fear because I know the fear stems from failure and I’m okay with failing, as long as I learn. Plus, you can always try again. That’s what you want to do sooner than later. Set a goal and go for it. Jump in with both feet and commit. See what you’re made of. See if you enjoy it. See if you hate it. See if you’re good or bad at it. If you’re good, keep practicing to be great. If you’re bad, keep practicing to get good. The only way to know anything, to achieve anything, is to take action. Learn from your shortcomings. Learn from your successes. But above all, just do it.
Patience. Everything comes with time, and anything worth doing well takes time. Notice how when you force things, it’s like a domino effect in the wrong direction. Combine everything from above and bridge it with patience and there’s little left outside your reach. Observe, reflect, practice, and be patient with yourself. It’s a long life even though you look back after a few years and say, where’d the time go? That’s why it’s important to set goals for yourself, to be bold about it. That’s what it’s about–not the outcome, but the journey. When you look back, you want to remember a version of yourself who never thought this version of you was possible. To become the person yourself as a kid would look up to because they were brave and bold and took chances.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

Yeah, one thing at a time. I tend to place a lot of pressure on myself. I don’t half-ass anything. But that comes with a price. Like I said before, living life in this day and age is expensive and time consuming. It’s tough, plain and simple. If you’re an average adult trying to make it in the real world without the financial backing of well-off relatives, you get it. There’s never enough time in the day and I can’t remember the last night I had eight hours of sleep outside of being sick and collapsing into a ten hour coma. There’s so much I have planned, so many things in motion, so much worry in my mind that it does get overwhelming to just exist. Then, I remind myself: One thing at a time. It could be as tiny as managing your breathing. Taking a step outside the room or in your car to center yourself. Calm the mind and everything else follows.
Try not to put unrealistic time limits on things. That’s where patience comes into play. “Awh man, wouldn’t it be great to have six pack abs in a month even though I’ve never worked out a day in my life?” This is where objectivity comes in. Realistically, it ain’t gonna happen, bud. First, the next meal you eat, make it healthy. Next, get moving. Do that over and over and over for a few months and then set a realistic goal (remember those SMART goals?): By this time next year [fill in the blank]. IF it happens sooner, great! If not, you’re farther along than you were on day one, and that’s something to reflect on as a win. Little wins stack up to bigger wins. Then comes pride, resilience, etc. The dominos start falling in the correct direction, toward the thing you want to achieve.
The biggest strategy I’ve come to adopt is learning how to slow down. Not every punch has to be a haymaker. Use the jab, develop good footwork, throw combinations, mind your defense. The point of the boxing reference is to work on skill development. One by one, develop your skills deeper. Talent and willpower can only take you so far. Acquiring a deep understanding about what you do and why you do it are the things that make the difference. Pick something, learn as much as you can, and practice.
Here’s an obvious one for current times: Get off the phone. Seriously. Read a book. Get into nature. Detach from the digital world or even the social aspect of your environment for a little while. Take time to be with yourself. Find what gives you peace. That’s the point of it all, I think; to find your peace. Wherever, whoever, or whatever that is, put your phone down and be present in the moment.
Most importantly, remind yourself that it’s okay to be where you are right now. Don’t compare yourself to others. We are both our own worst critics and biggest cheerleaders. Be kinder to yourself. Accept what you can’t change and do something about the things you can. If I could take a knee, place a hand on my younger self’s shoulder, and offer some advice, I’d start with that.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Friend-Rachel-David-Volpe/dp/B0F1LP5MBX/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title
• Instagram: davidavolpe
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidavolpe