Meet Debra Hallisey

We were lucky to catch up with Debra Hallisey recently and have shared our conversation below.

Debra, thank you so much for joining us today and appreciate you talking about a sensitive topic. It’s unfortunately relevant to so many in the community as layoffs have been on the rise recently, and so we’d appreciate hearing your story and how you overcame being let go?

I was a consultant for many years when I became my mother’s caregiver. The worst thing and the best thing that ever happened to me, was losing my job due to caregiving.

It was hard at the age of 57 to start looking for a new job, but during that process I decided to pivot and founded www.advocateformomanddad.com. This website and all of my work, has one mission, to help adult children of aging parents navigate their caregiving journey.

Staring a new company is scary at any age but as you get older you come into your own and the desire to put up with silly things at work, withers away. Worries about finances are always present and being a one woman shop can be exhausting. But when you love what you do and feel like you are making a contribution, you can look beyond the scary pieces of entrepreneurship and flourish.

Eight years later, I have published two books, working on a third and do speaking and training on a variety of caregiving topics.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

Caregiving profoundly changes our life and impacts all the relationships in our life. During my nine years as a caregiver, I realized we don’t think about our personal relationships as contracts, when in fact, they are. Every contract is based on unspoken expectations, and includes what we are willing or not willing to do for one another, how we support one another and the social interests and activities that bind our relationship together.

Becoming a caregiver to a parent or spouse challenges the upspoken expectation each relationship has and requires that we re-negotiate all the relationships in our life, not just the one we have with our care partner. This is especially true if you are a dementia family caregiver, since the primary change is to create a “care plan”, a relationship contract, for yourself.

I never expected to go down this path as an author and speaker, but I love how it gives me a voice in new and unexpected ways. Because caregiving is a deeply personal journey, I am honored when people share their story with me, humbled when they ask for advice and help and thrilled when they have read one of my books and tell me how it has impacted their lives.

I am excited to be writing my third book, which is very different from the first two: Your Caregiver Relationship Contract: How to navigate the minefield of new roles and expectations and A Relationship Contract for Dementia Caregivers: Navigating the Complexities and Challenges of Caring for the Memory Impaired.

This third book is the journey my mother and I took when she agreed to move into an Assisted Living close to me. What did it take to get her to say yes to leaving her home of 60+ years? What does it look like to clean out and sell a house with 65 years of living in it? How did I advocate for my mother in her new home and get her acclimated? What did I learn about Assisted Living after she moved in? I am looking forward to publishing this book in 2025 and through speaking engagements, help other family caregivers understand and navigate this new living situation in a positive manner.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Find your voice even if it is not something that you currently feel comfortable in. When you believe in something passionately, the courage to keep moving forward is there.

If you are looking to make a major change, just start, even in small ways.

Know that there will be set backs but the end result is worth it.

When you are just starting out find as many people as you can to talk to, bounce ideas of off and learn from. You will not do things exactly the way they did, but there is gold in knowing peoples journey and taking the pieces that work for you, and using them to develop your own product or path.

How can folks who want to work with you connect?

I am looking for communities and family caregiver support groups that I can help through speaking and training engagements, both in person and online to not just survive their caregiving years but to thrive during them.

You know you are where you are meant to be, when someone in a group program, tells you, “You saved my life.” Reading one of my books gave her the courage to set aside a sibling that was toxic to her and her caregiving journey. Such an incredibly difficult thing to do, but necessary to keep her mental and physical health on what can be a challenging time.

Contact Info:

Image Credits

Deirdre Ryan Photography

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