We were lucky to catch up with Debra Moore recently and have shared our conversation below.
Debra, we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
As the child of a Mother who had me, had my brother and had a miscarriage which resulted in Post Partum Depression, I was at a serious disadvantage. Her PPD quickly developed into a type of dangerous psychosis. My Father worked out of town in a traveling job and my younger brother and I were left in her care. No one noticed that her psychosis had deteriorated her state of mind. She came to me with a question. She asked me if I wanted to go to heaven with her? I’d been to Sunday School and learned it was a wonderful place so I asked her if I could take my Dollie’s to heaven? When she said yes I agreed to go, not fully understanding the implications. After going to a hardware store for a small hand gun she placed a sign in the window of our home. Don’t come in I have children and I will shoot them. She had also sent my father a bereavement bouquet at his parents home with a card that said your wife and kids are dead I’m so sorry. She gave my brother and I two bottles of orange children’s aspirins to dull the pain and put towels over our ears so the gunshots wouldn’t scare us. She shot each of us 3 times in the back at close range. Then she endeavored to complete this psychotic nightmare and gruesome double murder with suicide shooting herself in the head. At this point a miracle of God occurred and nobody died! At the hospital we were drenched in bloody clothes. The ER Staff was pumping our stomachs and all I could say was “Why, Mommy,Why?!” After an extended stay at the hospital where the doctors told me to be careful with a bullet too close to my spine to be safely removed I learned we would live with our maternal grandparents. My Mother had been taken to a lockdown facility for the criminally insane in Tallahassee. Now suddenly someone had noticed her mental state albeit far too late. Our maternal grandmother was a terror who hated our Father. and blamed him for all things bad. He had caused my Mothers break down, my brothers epilepsy and the impending divorce. As I left the hospital crying for my Father; my Grandmother told me to shut up or I would get the belt! Her hated of my Father was visceral as she hated anyone who was different than her including Catholics, any ethnicity other than hers and anyone who she considered an outsider. She began her campaign to excoriate any love I ever had for my Father by continually telling me what a horrible man he was. We went to live at our grandparents home in Mobile, AL. Literally, going from the frying pan of an attempted triple fatality to the fires of psychotic abuse and terror. It was told to my grandparents and father by the psychiatrist that if my mother had no hope of seeing her children again she would never mentally recover. So we sat in our holding tanks at their home where we were physically, mentally and emotionally abused each day. Discussions of what our Mother had done were not allowed. No counseling, no therapy as if the bullet scars on our backs had never been. At odd times we would be summarily dismissed from our grandparents home and taken to an orphanage in Cullman, Alabama, when she was sick of looking at our ugly faces. Even as an 8 year old child I began to understand that my Mother’s mental illness had not fallen far from the tree. My times at the orphanage were my salad days. I wasn’t abused or cursed or psychologically tortured. It was a sweet respite for my little heart to relax, rejuvenate and get ready for the next round when our grandmother would suddenly appear to take us “home.” It was there in that respite that I had the distinct honor of walking a little white church house aisle and accepting Christ into my heart. I knew my parents had failed me and the people in charge of me were pure evil. I needed God to save me from them. My Mother was homeless, my Father had legally given up parental rights after my Mothers family members threatened to kill him if he ever set foot in Mobile again. At one point I was living in Mobile after several times spent at the orphanage, and My grandmother told me to get a job or don’t come home. She dropped me off in a strip mall parking lot and sped off. At 14 I was a year younger than Alabama State law required to work. I was already 5’10 and every one thought I was older so I lied to get a job so I wouldn’t become a victim of homelessness like my Mother. After a few months my boss asked me if I was being abused at home? She had noticed scratches and bruises on my face, neck and arms. I was so relieved that someone had noticed and believed me. My high school counselor had not and CPS had visited several times to no avail. Relatives had come to the door and heard children screaming and called CPS in the past but our Grandmother had told us to lie or we would be dead. This time the police took me to a Catholic girls home in because I had belt buckle bruises and cuts on my face. My Grandmother wanted me back to send me back to the orphanage in Cullen but the judge didn’t buy it and I was set free at 15! With my new found abuse free freedom I graduated from High School and attended Business College. I joined a modeling agency and walked the runways of New York City. I was like a caged bird set free. I reconnected with my Father after my cousin put an ad in a Philadelphia newspaper that Allen Zesewitz daughter was searching for him and he responded! I started visiting him on college breaks. We formed a close albeit long distance relationship. I told him about all the church volunteers work I did. He had considered himself an agnostic and then later in life I was so proud of him for becoming Catholic. I spoke to him about God and Jesus and how I felt their Angels had saved my life. When a romantic relationship took me to Texas I wholeheartedly left all the painful memories behind. After getting married and having kids my life changed for the better. I vowed never to hurt my own children and to always be there for them no matter what happened in their lives. I love my children unconditionally and functionally. I broke the dysfunctional cycle into smithereens! I am a great Mom to them and I’m so proud of them and could never hurt or abandon them. Although, I still struggled with a constant low grade depression from the trauma in my past. I began to attend women’s Bible studies at my church and my healing also began. After a treacherous existence of homelessness and hurt my Mother died in an insane asylum. The unforgiveness and trauma in my heart was still eating away at me and I wanted it to stop. Then one of my teens started acting out at home. I couldn’t discern if it was typical teen behavior or something I’d experienced before. I told God I wouldn’t go back to those times of dealing with mental illness again. He told me I would go back but He would help me. I went to a mental health ministry at my church to a NAMI Family to Family class. I couldn’t believe they knew exactly what was going on at our house! We studied all the major mental illnesses, mood disorders, medications, the chemistry of the brain, Communication’s Workshop, Empathy Workshop, Self-Care, Mental Illness Recovery & Rehabilitation and Advocacy to name a few subjects covered in the classes at Argosy University. All of the broken places of my heart began to heal. This cathartic healing gave me the understanding into exactly what my Mother had been grappling with mentally since her own childhood. I forgave my Mother. I completely forgave my Father. I forgave everyone who stood by and allowed us to be neglected and abused children. I became a Mental Health Advocate. I campaigned at our Texas state capital for better Mental Healthcare. I taught NAMI Family to Family classes for 10 years at our church in honor of my Mother and to bring healing to my child. I facilitated summer family support groups for Mental Health Grace Alliance in Waco, Texas. In the process of my advocacy, my teen now a twenty something, went into Mental Health Recovery after rehabilitation. I wrote a film called Walking Talking Miracle! I shouldn’t be able to walk. I shouldn’t able to tell this story at all. It’s not enough for me to have a story of how God saved my life; I must tell others about my miracle so it can become their miracle! There is hope. If you have experienced domestic violence, abandonment, abuse, or mental illness, you can fully be restored and recover. We have to keep a close watch over our loved ones who struggle with mental health difficulties. We have to get educated. We have to be their voices. I feel like my Mother finally found her voice and it comes from her daughter; through a legacy of faith, education, understanding and forgiveness.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
What I do is a podcast called Ron & Deb Unplugged where we interview people who are working in the faith based arenas of the world giving others hope! We’ve interviewed a rescue organization Martin Angel who rescues women and families out of Afghanistan, the founder and CEO of PureFlix the largest faith based entertainment company in the world now called Pinnacle Peak, Michael Scott and a contemporary Christian band named for King & Country’s Joel & Luke Smallbone among many others. I’m also a background extra actress on The Chosen and many other faith based movies, short films and reality shows . I’ve been an extra background and featured background and have an IMBd credit for The Chosen and appear in the TV Guide The Chosen Special Collectors Edition 2024. I’ve played a Pilgrim, a Refugee, Citizen, Roman Citizen, Traveler and other roles during Seasons 3,4 & 5 of The Chosen. It has been the blessing of my lifetime to be involved in the filming of The Chosen! It is a full circle moment for me a formerly abused orphan and a victim of domestic violence to bring the hope of a better life through Christ to men, women and children all ages through out the entire world in 54 languages and counting!
I can be seen in Season 3 Episode 7 walking down the Roman Quarter Street in a yellow Roman gown.
I have had extra background roles on several Paramount Pictures Feature Films including Lawman: Bass Reeves & Landman and Lioness S2. I am a Christian Women In Media Speaker and a member of the Christian Filmmakers Network in Dallas Ft. Worth Area.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
1. The love of God in Christ can help you in any dire or divine situation you find yourself in. There is a higher hope for our lives. Our life purpose has to be more than ourselves. Live for God and others. Become a part of what God is doing and don’t stop no matter how difficult.
2. Yellow optimism in every situation no matter how bad things look to your eyes. Look for the beautiful yellow dandelion breaking through the cracks in the cement. Look for the lovely sunflower moments goalmouth simultaneously in the hard times. Look up and thank God for your blessings! Focus on the good. It’s good for your soul!
3. Try new things! Meet new people! Go new places! Have a sense of spontaneity and adventure. Tell yourself you can! Because you can do this!
Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
The Bible has played a living role in my life! I was a Sunday school teacher, VBS Teacher, Christian school teacher and Mom who acted out the Bible stories with my students and kids. We always acted out a Nativity play at church or in the neighborhood for Christmas.. I would turn over the school table and make a boat and fill it with baskets and a net and fishing poles with a magnet to fish and we would act out Bible Stories. Now I’m paid to act out those same Bible Stories for a TV Show called The Chosen! God definitely has a cool sense of humor!
I enjoy 17th century authors like Dickens, Tolstoy and James, when writing was classically and correctly done.
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