Meet Denise Decclessis

 

We recently connected with Denise Decclessis and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Denise , thank you for being such a positive, uplifting person. We’ve noticed that so many of the successful folks we’ve had the good fortune of connecting with have high levels of optimism and so we’d love to hear about your optimism and where you think it comes from.

My optimism comes from the experiences in my life raising a child with severe autism. 24 years ago when Vincent was diagnosed, I had a choice to make, feel sorry for myself, or learn as much as possible to give him a successful life. The only outcome I could accept was to never give up hope. I needed to believe in myself, that I could educate myself enough to teach my son how to overcome his challenges. I viewed his hardships as learning experiences and trained my mind to believe these were setbacks and not permanent situations. The more positive I stayed, the more success my son had.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

I am a 52 year old mother of two adult sons, Angelo 31 and Vincent 25. I am married to my husband Anthony for 28 years. I’ve spent a great portion of my life advocating for autism and not only helping my son, but hundreds of families on our journey. When my younger son Vincent was in early intervention, I decided to dive in head first and bring all of my experiences to other family’s in need. I received several certifications & I worked 13 years in the field of family support, where I taught families how to engage with their children ages 1-3 on the spectrum. I soon learned I was a true caregiver when I walked away from that career to care for my ailing mother. Unfortunately I lost my mother 8 years ago. At that time I wondered how I could continue to offer support to my community. It is then I took my knowledge and empathy to social media to create a safe space for parents to ask questions, and vent. I have connected with thousands of people throughout the years, and truly led by my positive outlook on autism. I continue to create videos for the public, and answer tons of emails out of the true belief, I can turn a traumatic time in someone life to an optimistic outlook.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?

The three qualities that truly made this journey possible were patience, motivation, and empathy. They impacted my ability to push through the hardest years for our family. Autism impacts the entire family. Vincent’s non verbal, he was extremely aggressive, frustrated and lost. It took the support of our loved ones to stay consistent during these years. Without those qualities, the determination to help Vincent would have crumbled. My advice to others is to give yourself grace. These feelings don’t change overnight. It’s ok to feel sad, mad, and confused at your child’s diagnosis. But when you’re ready to take action, your child needs your patience, needs you to motivate them, and truly needs your empathy. You can change the outlook but focusing on one day at a time.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

Autism can be a very overwhelming journey. Parents and caregivers need to fill their cups as well. My advice for any caregiver to a child with special needs is to find an outlet. That could be reading a book, taking an exercise class, going for a walk, calling a friend or simply getting to an online support group. We are no good to our children if we aren’t taking care of ourselves. We need to regularly see our doctors for checkups. We need to ask friends or family for help. We need to learn the system to gain much needed supports for our loved ones. We can not forget how much our children need us. Self care is vital.

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Denise Decclessis

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