Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Devorah Medwin. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Devorah, so great to have you on the platform. There’s so much we want to ask you, but let’s start with the topic of self-care. Do you do anything for self-care and if so, do you think it’s had a meaningful impact on your effectiveness?
My first attempt at writing a self help book started with “Chapter One – I would like to die.” I know it doesn’t sound promising for a book on personal growth, but I figured if someone ever read those words, it would mean the practices I shared helped at least one of us.
I wanted an instruction manual; as a kid and on into adulthood I struggled with physical illness, and was always navigating being a low maintenance person in a high maintenance body. It took me into my forties to get physically well, but now in my late fifties, I feel better than I did at fifteen.
What I learned, along with my knowledge of physical healing, was the importance of self care, and how the practices of emotional fitness and flexibility were the instructions I was seeking. The tools I needed, I already had, I just wasn’t using them regularly – like reading and talking about exercise but never actually exercising, and still expecting nice abs. What I was searching for on the outside, was actually right inside me – so cliche.
In fact, cliches ARE so cliche, but also surprisingly true, and great cues for self care: “Stop and smell the roses” – really stop, take a breath, take a moment. “All the answers are on the inside” – but how do we get to the inside? Stop, take a breath, take a moment, rinse and repeat.
”Put your oxygen mask on first” can be one of the most challenging, even though it makes sense logically – we’re no help to anyone if we’re passed out on the airplane floor – and still it takes enormous courage, trust, and consistency to take excellent care of ourselves.
It took me years to realize that though I was teaching and helping people get great results with self care, I was simultaneously diminishing and dismissing what I believed in, scoffing along with our culture at the “soft skills” of care and kindness as too woo woo or Hallmarky. I was slow to understand having one foot in what I knew was possible, and one in what society had told me was possible, kept me stuck and very uncomfortable.
Very gently, so as not to trigger my nervous system I became a detective, calmly increasing my awareness so I could notice – was I practicing what I taught? Was I living the practice the way I would if I was building a physical muscle? Was I consistent not just on the mat in yoga class, or in my head as I counseled and wrote – but day in and day out, was I in integrity with myself and my beliefs?
Mindfully, and with no finger pointing, discovering my patterns, illusions, and blind spots, turned out to be a lifelong practice, and now, feeling so well, I’m discovering all the triggers, trapdoors and resistance to feeling great and having things go well – waiting for the other shoe to drop – so once again, I am gently staying with my self and slathering loving kindness and compassion – while using my resistance as tiny reps to build the muscle of self-care.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
Imagine the model of physical fitness – knowing if we want to strengthen our muscles, they’ll be exercises, routines, tools, classes, coaching, and regardless of what we choose to do, from goat yoga to golf, it’s the consistency that’s critical.
Everything I create uses this same model, except instead of physical fitness, it’s our emotional and energetic core we’re discovering, developing, and disseminating out to the world, (if we want)! Just like in physical fitness, we can get in shape when we’re injured and need healing, but even better, we can work out to stay strong and solid for the long run.
For many of us, we don’t need any more information or knowledge, we’ve bought plenty of books and gone to the right workshops, what we need is to put into practice what we already know. We can do that in real life, use what we learned about communication in a heated argument with a loved one, but that’s not really practicing, it’s more like using the marathon as training for the marathon.
What I do is create the space, both virtually and in real life, to play and practice, with a purpose, taking the knowledge off the page, and into an active consistent program. Not in a finger pointy way, but in a way that meets each person exactly where they are and gives exactly the tools needed, to practice the practice
It’s bold to say, meet you exactly where you are, because how would I know that?! But that’s exactly the point, I wouldn’t – just like no matter how great the trainer, or gym membership, we still have to be the ones moving our own muscles, and only we can know if we’re really doing the work one needs for the results we’re hoping to achieve.
Over the last 30 or so years, I’ve been building stages and platforms for just this purpose – Emotional Fitness and Flexibility Gyms; Transformation Healing and Amusements Parks; Mixed Reality Theatre; and dozens of workshops, classes, papers, blogs, and videos.
For the last five years I’ve been focused intently on collaboration, community, and collective care. How best to come together as a species, each of us playing our part – the role being ourselves, and seeing what shifts in the process of being the fullest expression of us. My closet of collaborators is bursting, filled with each person’s unique and extraordinary gifts they’ve brought to the table, their individual piece of the collective puzzle.
Of late, I’m trying to tease out my own knee jerk cynicism to the idea of love and compassion as “soft skills” and never included at the corporate table, never a line item on the budget, though many of us know it is the critical element.
Unexpectedly, the project became more global last year, and we’ve collaborated internationally, after being asked to teach a class on death literacy to school aged children in Mexico, theatre students in Manhattan, and artists in Italy – engaging the imagination to help navigate the unfathomable.
The big vision now is to automate; not losing any of the heart to heart one to one feeling – but to be better organized to support our collaborators, and spotlight the local clinicians and carers. While most of us could create an event blindfolded, a group of people less able to market themselves has probably yet to be found. Over the years I’ve had to learn how to go from the Kumbaya Model, to finding a monetarily sustainable model – and thankfully we have – and it’s far more profitable than I ever imagined. And more importantly, I have practiced my own emotional fitness around money to be able to discuss it, at all, without feeling an immediate trauma response. Truly the work works.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Connection – having a regular practice of mindfulness to connect with a higher power, and making connecting with others a priority.
Vulnerability – I find it very scary to show my soft spots, to speak truth, but also so enriching and critical to my life and relationships.
Non-attachment – the more I’ve loosened my hold, the better the ride.
Be as connected and centered to your self as possible; self centered is not a bad word, it’s actually the best place to live from, the center of your self. When you don’t know where your center is, or how to express it if you do, give yourself the benefit of help and compassion, personally and in your community.
Make love and self-care a line item in your budget and business plan. The return on investment is phenomenal.
Put your oxygen mask on first – and change it up, because what serves us can shift over time.
Believe in your self. So much of what I was envisioning 25 years ago is being accepted and called for now, but I was looking for approval from people who didn’t have the foresight I did, and I didn’t have the belief in myself to think I might be right, in the face of their wrong.
Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?
I am 100% on a mission to amplify love and compassion, and pushback against the knee jerk cynicism which amplifies greed and diminishes care and kindness.
Interestedly, a fruitful place to work on this method, and where we’ve had great traction is our cultural conflict with the reality of our life cycles, including and especially end of life.
I have no doubt each of us has a part to play, a most important role to help us shift the state of our species, and enrich the right here and right now, and hopefully the future.
Your you is needed. Everyone has a unique piece to bring to the puzzle of our evolution. If you’re wondering how to help with the world, what you can do to make a difference – being you, is it. We need you. My gift is helping people discover, strengthen and share those gifts with themselves, their community and the world.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.devorahmedwin.com/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/devorah-medwin/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYoAoGul7x2WtJSWMke9W3Q
