Meet Dolores Cruz

 

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Dolores Cruz. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dolores below.

Dolores, so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?

Sometimes one’s purpose shows up in a most unexpected way. In May of 2017, my 24-year-old son, my youngest of four, was killed in a car accident. My world was turned upside-down as I plunged into what felt like an abyss of grief and despair. Nothing made sense anymore and nothing mattered. It seemed that life no longer held a purpose for me.

As I grappled for some kind of hold on my life which felt like it had been blown into a million pieces, I reached out for help. I found an amazing therapist as well as two wonderful grief support groups. I read dozens of books on grief, loss, healing, and spirituality. Some of the books were written by other parents whose child had passed away. All these books guided me through the dark and gave me comfort. I began to see some light again.

Day by day, week by week, I slowly found a way to use what had happened to me in a way that could serve others as well as honor my son. I received training that allowed me to take leadership roles in both support groups. I also began to write.

What started out as therapeutic journaling turned into 3 books and various published articles describing my grief and healing journey, as well as an online blog. I remembered how reading books written by other parents whose child had passed away had been helpful to me. I hoped to do the same with these book I had written. This became my purpose.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

My time is spent in two ways that are interconnected. As a facilitator in two different grief support groups, I have taken on various roles. With Helping Parents Heal, the international support organization for parents whose child has passed on to spirit, I found a way to serve as an Affiliate Leader for our local chapter. I, along with two other amazing moms who also have sons in spirit, provide monthly in-person meetings for other local parents who are traveling this same challenging journey. Here we come together to support by listening as we each share our stories, and share our beautiful children.

With this same group I also serve as a Caring Listener. I am listed on the Helping Parents Heal website along with other Caring Listeners for parents who urgently need to speak with someone who also had a child pass away. I remember how important it was for me in the beginning of my grief journey to speak to someone who knew what this particular loss felt like. I had so many questions. I want to be there for others as well. I endeavor to offer hope to those who feel they cannot survive this profound heartache.

I also offer assistance as a moderator for David Kessler’s community called Tender Hearts. I volunteered with this group after taking David’s Grief Educator Certification training which earned me the title of Certified Grief Educator. Once a week, I and 50 or 60 other moderators participate in a Zoom meeting of about 250 attendees who have come in search of how to navigate their grief. We break into smaller Zoom rooms categorized by type of loss, and moderate the group, witnessing them as they express their grief, and allowing a safe space for them to do so.

The other thing I spend much time on is writing on the topic of grief. From books, to poetry, to articles, to blogs, I share my story and my son’s story, and offer whatever insights I have gained so far that may be helpful to someone else whose loved one has passed away.

My first book, Look Around, tells the story of my son, Eric, his life and passing, and how I found a way to life fully again, to find a new purpose, to find gratitude each day, and to honor Eric in all that I do. My second book, A Bird Called Wisdom, tells of this same journey from grief to hope and transformation, but this time through free verse poetry. I have also co-written/compiled the book Shining Light Parents Speak, which is a collection of interviews of 130 parents with children who have passed on. These courageous parents tell the stories of their own grief and healing journeys, including how they honor their children and continue to maintain a spiritual connection with them.

I have written two articles on the theme of grief which were published by HuffPost. I also write a blog with many personal stories and insights I have acquired through this unexpected journey.

I do all of this because I feel I have been drawn to open up the discussion about grief which most people would rather not think about or talk about. This is understandable because it is uncomfortable and even painful. Yet all of us will grieve at some point in our lives, or even multiple points. Sharing our stories is healing. We realize how connected we truly are. We develop more compassion, more love, and what could be better than that?

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

First, follow your passion. There is a reason you feel compelled to do what you do. Every one of us has gifts to offer this world, and it doesn’t have to be something huge. Even the smallest actions create a ripple effect, eventually generating a greater impact. You never know who may be positively impacted by your contributions.

Second, don’t pay attention to the voice in your head that says you can’t do this. When I started writing, the critic inside told me, “What makes you think you can write a book?” or when I wanted to start a local support group it said, “What qualifies you to lead others?” Don’t listen to that! Just move forward with what is flowing forth from your heart and soul. Trust it. It is there for a reason.

And third, find your tribe. Rather than take the negativity from the critics who offer nothing helpful, who find your efforts to be silly or unimportant or irrelevant, spend time with those who support your endeavors. This is the kind of energy that will guide you in the right direction and keep you focused. You can learn from them and they can learn from you.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?

Even with something you are passionate about, you can become overwhelmed. There are days when I have zoom meetings with support groups as well as with my book team. I have a phone call or two with a newly bereaved parent, and then am scheduling for future meetings or potential podcast interviews through numerous emails. I meet up with local people for a walk while we discuss grief and spirituality. These are all good things and I want to do all of them!

But when it begins to feel like to much, the best thing I can do for myself is have my own alone time. I offer myself a quiet space where I can let all the busyness go for a time, not think about the to-do list, just breathe and just be. I may take a walk at the local arboretum by myself or go out in our front yard under our magnificent pine tree and do some simple movements, yoga, or meditation. I breathe in the beauty around me. By doing this I can reset and come back to who I am. Balance is the key.

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Image Credits

Rick Wilcoxson

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