We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Dove Roy a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Dove , so good to have you with us today. We’ve always been impressed with folks who have a very clear sense of purpose and so maybe we can jump right in and talk about how you found your purpose?
When I was around 12 years old, I got sent to my first therapist. I was raised in a cult, so going to therapy wasn’t standard at all. But my situation had gotten so bad, there as no other option. I had suffered physical sexual and emotional abuse so consistently, that I started developing twitches, ptsd responses and weird paranoia as a child, so therapy was the only option. I knew even then that therapy was saving my life.
I had never been taught to read or write, as that was banned in my cult. But I started teaching myself to read, and I could not get enough of self-help books. I loved them and imagined I would one day write the best self-help book of all time. The only thing I truly wanted to do as a teenager was build a large enough audience so that I could positively affect the mental health of a large number of people. I wanted to be famous, but only so that I could have that platform. There was no social media at the time, so becoming a famous actor and singer was the goal.
I went to community college at 19 years old. At the time, I was the first and only male member of my family’s history to go to college. I very quickly found success both in my studies and in acting/singing. I was the lead in almost every show at my school, I landed the lead in a TV commercial and small parts in short films. My story of escaping my cult also got me accepted to Columbia University, despite never learning to read of write, no math or science, no history or gym… having none of that education, I still got accepted to Columbia on a 50% scholarship.
On the outside, there was this story of success, but on the inside I was completely broken. I was suffering from Ulcerative Colitis (a chronic inflammatory bowel disease) that was undiagnosed. I had debilitating anxiety and depression, and I could barely leave my house. I went to orientation at Columbia, but had nobody to cosign my loans. I was also living on my own in a makeshift closet without any way to make an income. So while I had the incredible opportunity to be an actor, singer and go to a masters program… I functionally could not do any of it. Instead, I drank a lot to deal with the pain, started using drugs and ran away from school with one more paper to write to get an honor’s degree.
Today I have nearly five years clean off of drugs and alcohol. I lived nearly homeless in Los Angeles for many years, suffered countless hospital visits, almost died several times and yet somehow survived by the kindness of a brother who employed me, and lots of great doctors. Today I run my own small production company, creating videos and photos for events and social media influencers. But most important, after a 15 year hiatus, I’m back in school in a masters program studying to become a therapist.
Becoming a therapist was something I knew I wanted to do in my early teens… but the dream got lost in the fray of a life of torment and pain. Today that dream/purpose is back alive as I continue my studies to become a therapist.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I find it incredibly difficult to talk about myself and my own aspirations. I hate self-promotion, which is why I left so many social media opportunities. That said, I currently create photos and videos for events in Los Angeles, and produce a podcast called Life Unfiltered by Life’s Looking Good.
I love capturing real moments in people’s celebrations. So many photos and videos are focused on curating the perfect looking moment, thus they never capture actual real moments. But real moments are impossible to curate, and incredibly difficult to capture with a camera in someone’s face. However, for both photos and videos, I consider that my specialty. If I can capture your real joy, without forcing you to fake a smile or pose for my cameras, I’ve done my job well!
Often the best moments in photos and/or videos are not those that are curated to look perfect. On the contrary, the best moments contain that human quality, which is imperfect, but spectacular to view.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The number one skill I have learned over the years is to never accept no for an answer when attempting to grow in your education or creativity. At every turn there will be someone telling you that you cannot join this course, or you cannot create this thing, or you are not allowed to ask these questions or challenge this authority… if you listen to those people telling you no, your game ends right there. But for every person who tells you No, there is a superior with whom you can plead your case, explain why you need a yes, and who will allow you to continue pursuing your growth. It’s a sort of resilience you learn when you realize that the rules are completely fabricated, and the real success lives beyond those rules.
The best advice I ever used that saved my life is, “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” I don’t know about you, but there have been countless times in my life where I was in more pain than any human being should have to bear. Not only was I in immense pain, but the pain did not seem to have an end to it. And when you’re in that much pain, physically or emotionally, for an extended period of time, it wears on you and breaks you down… it makes you believe that this is what your life will always be like. But that is never true! The reality is that if you never give up, if you keep fighting, you are 100% guaranteed to get through and find a better life. The only way to lose is to quit or exit the game early. And that is always a mistake because there is life beyond what you’re going through right now.
The last thing I would say is that the only true measure of strength, or success, or manliness or greatness lies in your ability to be kind to others. My life’s goal has always been to find the ability to be kind no matter the circumstances. Literally, attempting to get to a place where even if someone hurts you in the worst way possible, you are able to recognize that that person is in pain, and that’s why they’re sharing their pain. I spent my life trying to get to a place where if somebody attempts to insult me, or hurt me, or threaten me, I am able to see it for what it is… a person in pain attempting to be seen or heard. You will be truly amazed what happens when you see that person as someone in pain, and respond in a loving way… in my experience that person will turn on a dime, and begin to open up to you about their struggles, ending the conflict and allowing you to truly help that person. It’s the hardest thing in the world sometimes, but in my opinion it’s the most important.
Awesome, really appreciate you opening up with us today and before we close maybe you can share a book recommendation with us. Has there been a book that’s been impactful in your growth and development?
The two books that have completely changed my life are Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, and How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
How to Win Friends and Influence People (with its’ deceptive title) taught me that I can act in ways that guarantee the best possible result for myself when dealing with other people. Without lying or being deceptive, it is the greatest tool to manipulate situations so that they turn in your favor. The book breaks down how genuine kindness toward others is ten thousand times more likely to lead to your preferred result than any other way of being. It demonstrates how to obtain a “yes” from someone, without being dishonest. I use the tools of this book in every single interaction I ever have in my life, and it is absolutely remarkable what I’ve been able to obtain due to understanding the principles he shares.
Man’s Search for Meaning has many lessons in it. It tells the story of when Viktor Frankl was in a concentration camp during the Holocaust. My main take away was the unequivocal reality that no matter what is done to a human being, they still have the choice of how they respond. When everything on this earth, both in possessions and freedom, was taken away from millions of people, Viktor (a Psychiatrist) realized that there were still people who were able to respond positively somehow and maintain hope. Thus, no matter what anyone does to me, how much pain I’m in, how much I want to pretend I don’t have a choice in what happens next… because of this book I know for a fact that I have a choice of how I respond, no matter what the situation.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.morningdoveproductions.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/morningdoveproductions/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SmileSmileSmile
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dove-roy-b9109624/
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
