We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Dr. Pat Pernicano. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Dr. Pat below.
Dr. Pat, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.
I have been a “teacher,” “helper,” “creator,” and “writer” since I was very young. Years ago, my “helper purpose” was revealed to me by an undergraduate psychology professor who saw in me what I did not yet see in myself. He encouraged me to apply for graduate school in clinical psychology and was my “cheerleader” for much of my career. I did not understand the scope of practice of clinical psychologists, but it seemed like a good next step.
Professionally, my purpose and meaning were clarified over time as I discovered creative ways to help and encourage others who were disenfranchised, struggling with emotional pain, seeking hope, and largely unaware of their potential. My spirituality called me to advocate for others, and to “love my neighbor” with compassion, nurture, and unconditional acceptance.
My work with others was relational; people respond to being “seen,” “understood,” and “valued.” I discovered that metaphor and story are powerful therapeutic tools. They introduce new possibilities and shift people’s perspectives.
I became a trauma-informed therapist, first with children and families, and later in time, with Veterans who struggled with PTSD and moral injury. It is important to see ourselves with compassion, as worthy, lovable human beings. Ultimately, I found purpose through sharing my work with others through writing, therapy, teaching, supervision, and training. Challenges presented themselves at times, but each one opened a new door and offered opportunities for professional growth and leadership.
Wherever I go, I try to plant seeds of hope in those who suffer emotional and spiritual pain. Moral injury has been my focus in recent years through codeveloping Acceptance & Forgiveness Therapy (AFT) at the VA, and now that I am “retired” from VA, I continue my purpose as opportunities arise. In March, I co-published a book, Healing Veteran Moral Injury: Using Story and Metaphor to Foster Hope and Connection (2025, Routledge). My purpose calls me to do what I can to bring peace to those who suffer and to reduce risks related to moral injury, such as suicide and substance abuse. Veterans connect with others as they share their stories and make meaning of their military experiences.
A colleague once told me, “We can each do things to make the world a better place.” That is an admirable goal, and I am grateful to contribute in any way I can.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
People used to ask, “When are you going to retire?” I say, smiling, that I recently retired from the federal government after ten years, but I will never retire from connecting with others, sharing knowledge, offering input, and outreach, because that is who I am. Retirement is not biding time until life ends. Now, I have more time to do things on my own timetable and with fewer constraints. I can say “yes” to things that would not have been possible while employed by the federal government. I am a part-time contractor for Veteran disability exams, and I enjoy staying connected to Veterans. But my true joy comes with my friends near and far, family, grandchildren, and spouse of 44 years.
I am enjoying travel, especially with a choral group I sang with in Louisville, KY. I toured and sang with them in Spain, Italy, and France in recent years. Being part of making good choral music is one of my passions, and it brings me joy to participate. I am a novice composer when the spirit moves me. I also enjoy our RV trips to the coast at Port Aransas, where I can hear the waves and walk the sand. I love good food and wine, so one “hobby” is visiting nearby wineries for wine-tasting and a sumptuous meal.
Once a writer and teacher, always a writer and teacher. I co-published a book in March 2025 with retired Army Colonel Chaplain Kerry Haynes title, Healing Veteran Moral Injury: Using Story and Metaphor to Foster Hope and Connection (Routledge/Taylor & Francis). Our work is reaching others; when they contact me, I am grateful and eager to share through talks and podcasts, and I am working on a story book for children who struggle with their parents’ military trauma.
One of the most exciting things I have done since leaving VA is participating in an upcoming documentary on Veteran Moral Injury. Scott Sinkler’s Absolutions will be a ground-breaking film sharing Veteran stories of pain and healing. This effort that will help others understand the scope of military experiences that bring pain and suffering, as well as pathways to healing.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Only three? Hmmm…
1) knowledge of trauma, its impact, and how this affects children, families, and Veterans.
My skills in this area developed at not-for-profit agencies with practice, reading and training. My deepest understanding of trauma came while working at a family residential reunification program. The parents, who lived there with their kids and attended therapy, struggled with drugs, incarceration, abusive relationships, and child neglect. Cross-generational trauma locked them into unhealthy relationships, and we had the opportunity to give them a new start. With a solid knowledge base, I individualize therapy in creative ways, such as through story, drawing, and play, to guide people to new ways of thinking and “being.” I try to consider what might be the “best fit” for the client, and emotional attunement and a trusting therapeutic relationship remain essential ingredients.
2) resilience
Sooner or later, we are challenged or confronted by someone we work for, interact with, or are trying to help, perhaps with anger or derision. They may distort the situation or judge us unfairly, and our own judgment can get cloudy. Flexibility and resilience are go-to’s in these situations. Before reacting in anger or hurt, we can step into their shoes to understand their perspective, then step back and separate the “truth” from the emotional fallout. There may be a kernel of truth there, so use it and learn from it, then let the rest go. We need resilience to stand firm in some work climates, and in a helping profession, it is not all about you, in fact very little of it is about you. Whatever you do, if it is with good intentions, the other person will usually be understanding and forgiving. If not, let it go and move on.
3) curiosity (risk-taking)
The Rorschach inkblot test asked, “What might this be?” Ambiguous ink blots could be viewed from many different perspectives. When I find myself in an ambiguous situation, I remain curious and explore possibilities I might not have considered. A word of advice – do not settle too soon on what is “right” or a path that others tell you to take. Ask, “What might this be?” “What might I try?” What is going on?” “What other possibilities are there?” “I wonder what is going on.” “I wonder what triggered this person to act this way today?” When you explore possibilities, you might end up with a new and different solution.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
Recently, I have drawn from the wisdom of Viktor Frankl while working with Veterans who experienced trauma or moral injury while in the military. Frankl survived a concentration camp during WWII, and he wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning that even in the midst of heinous circumstances, we can maintain hope and find meaning and purpose.
One nugget of wisdom Frankl offers is that even though we may have no control over what happens to us in life, we do have control over how we choose to feel and respond to the situation. It is good to remember that we are not puppets of our emotions. He lived this out, one day at a time, in the camp. He acknowledges that there is no meaning in suffering itself; rather, meaning comes from what we choose to do in the midst of suffering.
The most valuable nuggets are his suggestions for creating meaning in the midst of suffering. Instead of saying what you can’t do, you figure out what you can do. He and others in the camp formed compassionate, loving and helping relationships, for example, sharing bread or playing games with children, to protect them from the reality of their fate. Frankl says that when we engage in meaningful activity through a project or creation, such as art, writing, or music-making, we find it easier to maintain hope, one day at a time.
I read this book many years ago, and the nuggets remain meaningful when working with others who lose hope, question their integrity, or carry bitterness, guilt, loss, or shame. When we accept what we can’t change and connect with others in meaningful ways, we put experiences in context and feel less burdened.
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