We were lucky to catch up with Dr. Tania Hormozi recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Dr. Tania, thanks for sitting with us today to chat about topics that are relevant to so many. One of those topics is communication skills, because we live in an age where our ability to communicate effectively can be like a superpower. Can you share how you developed your ability to communicate well?
The ability to communicate effectively never came easily for me. I was raised in a traditional middle eastern household where communicating about feelings was not as normal as one would imagine. We were loving and personable to each other but communicating about things that have occurred in our lives or our feelings didn’t come as easily. Therefore, growing up I was pretty quiet and kept to myself. I shared small things with my friends in High School and college, but it wasn’t really something I was ever comfortable with. It wasn’t until I decided to pursue a career in Psychology, and my master’s program required us to seek personal psychotherapy that I was able to finally understand what communicating really meant for me.
My first experience in personal therapy occurred when I was 25 years old. I needed to complete a certain number of therapy hours for my program, and that’s when I first heard my own voice expressing thoughts and feelings, I never knew I had or kept to myself for so long. I felt a sense of relief and openness about being able to share my deepest feelings and thoughts about things I had suppressed for many years without realizing.
Over the course of obtaining my master’s, working in a variety of clinics, practicing as a therapist, attending a doctoral program, and continuing my own therapy, I was able to define myself as a communicator; someone who was direct and able to express and understand emotions better. Communication is the number one issue that couples attend marital counseling for, and I am glad that throughout my own journey I was able to understand the importance of communication for myself, so that I can help my clients better currently for their relationships.
I can honestly and proudly say that the traditional sense of talk therapy truly helped me develop my voice, understand my feelings, and how to communicate not only issues, but ways of expressing myself to others, identifying and establishing boundaries, and advocating for myself in a variety of situations over the years.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I have been practicing as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 2017; however, my experience prior to licensure developed who I am as a therapist today. I began my journey in psychology, in 2011 when I started my master’s program at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Irvine. Upon graduation and obtaining my degree, I started my internship at McAlister Insitute helping women become sober from drugs and alcohol to gain custody or supervision of their children. That experience truly helped me identify as a therapist to be more direct with my communication, and ways of expressing thoughts and emotions not only as a therapist, but as a person. I then worked at Alvarado Parkway Institute for six years in a variety of positions helping patients with co-occurring disorders.
I was then intrigued to learn more about the psychology field, and applied and was accepted to the Doctor of Psychology program with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy at Alliant International University in Irvine and San Diego. My program took a bit longer than anticipated, but I do not regret any part of that. I completed my academics in 4 years, and completed my dissertation in my last year, and graduated with my doctorate in May 2017. My dissertation topic was very close to home, given the fact that it was about first-generation Iranian refugees.
My dissertation title:
First Generation Iranian Refugees and their Acculturation in the United States: A Focus on Resilience. It was published in the Journal of Contemporary Family Therapy in 2018.
I am a first-generation Iranian refugee, my family and I left our country of Iran soon after the wars were over to gain a better chance of freedom and opportunity. My family had to sacrifice a lot to move to a new country with minimal support, lack of the English language, and sacrificing their jobs, finances, and any other support. I was five years old when we came to the U.S. and we moved to San Diego, and never left. I didn’t know any English when I attended elementary school and had to learn with a tutor until third grade. Thereafter, I was able to join my classmates in third grade and feel welcomed.
Years later, I was very intrigued with writing and joined my high school newspaper and identified my passion in writing and editing. I obtained my bachelor’s degree in English from San Diego State University and was a journalist for a newspaper in Chula Vista for four years. I loved that job. However, budget cuts are the reason I had to change my career towards psychology. I don’t regret any of the decisions I have made over the years.
My career in Journalism, and Psychology to me are parallel in a lot of ways. My strengths as a writer and editor definitely came into play with research papers, projects, and my dissertation.
Today, I am very proud of myself and all my accomplishments. I have written and self-published two self-help books, I have won an award with San Diego Magazine for People’s Choice Healthcare Pioneer in 2023, I also continue to help master’s and doctoral level students edit their research papers and dissertations (flyers attached). I continue to promote my books and help my clients daily with relationship issues. I have worked in a group practice, Healthy Minds Counseling Services since December 2019, and I love what I do and the people I work with every day (www.healthymindsca.com) I will continue to write books when I have the time and will continue to accomplish the goals I set for myself.
My books are available for purchase on Amazon:
Cooked vs. Uncooked Spaghetti: The Guide to Understanding How Men Think in Relationships
Cooked vs. Uncooked Spaghetti: The Guide to Understanding How Women Think in Relationships
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Looking back on my academic and career journey, I never thought I would be able to accomplish so much in such a short amount of time. I would have to say discipline, resiliency, and commitment were the three most important qualities I had that helped me stay focused in my academic career and helped me pursue so much professionally.
Discipline for having a routine, setting goals for myself, and steps to achieve those goals. Discipline to not have a social life sometimes and miss out on certain family functions because I had assignments due, or projects to complete. Discipline is what helped me stay motivated and looking forward throughout this entire journey and continues to help me focus on my self-care at times.
Resiliency was the focus of my dissertation topic, and the main thing that helps me understand many aspects of myself. I have the strength to stay resilient in a variety of situations because my family taught me how to keep going and stay strong despite the failures that may have arisen throughout my academic and professional journey.
Commitment is understanding that the decision you made was your choice and the only way to achieve a goal is to continue working towards it in all ways possible. Throughout my doctoral program, my colleagues and I would joke about making a U-turn because we didn’t want to continue sometimes when it got hard, but we would encourage each other to continue despite red lights on our path. The commitment that I had with myself was to continue and go as far as possible without giving up, and to continue to try even when it was difficult.
All these three qualities and skills helped me individually and together to achieve the goals that I had set for myself. Without each of them present, I don’t think I would be where I am today, and I continue to identify, set, and achieve goals as I go, remembering that these three skills and qualities will be with me as long as I am striving for something.
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
People who know me, know that I am very grateful for the decisions my parents made not just for themselves and my older siblings, but for me. As the youngest of three children, I was taken into consideration when my parents decided to leave Iran. I was only five years old, which meant they chose not to have me start elementary school in a country that had changed its regime to promoting more Islamic-based practices in schools. My sister had to endure the changes of the new government, she had to be covered in a hijab (head scarf) at a young age, and take classes in school discussing the Quran, which by the way, was in a different language than Farsi. So, the decision to leave Iran included many reasons including my older brother not being drafted into the Islamic military as well.
My parents had to do many difficult things over the years in their lives, leaving the only country they knew to move across the country to a city named San Diego, not knowing what to expect. They were sponsored by my uncle (my dad’s brother) to come to the U.S. but there were many hurdles along the way. We had to move to Austria for six months to obtain our papers before coming to the U.S. My dad had to travel separate, six months after us, and so that left my young mom with three young children relocating with huge luggage, no known language, or contact into Austria, and then again to America.
The decision my parents made to move to the U.S. stays with me forever. Their great courage, dedication, commitment, and resiliency to do such a huge move and change their lives for the better of their children, is one that I can never forget. I do not know how I will pay them back for such a great decision. I know they are proud of me and my siblings for the lives we have created here as American citizens, but we still owe them a lot for this impactful decision. If I was still in Iran, I probably would not have the same opportunities to go to college, or higher education, I would not have the ability to have the jobs and experiences I have had, the friends and community I have built, or the successes.
The Islamic Republic regime took over all the rights of women and handed them to men only. For over 40 years, the Iranian citizens are fighting for the regime to change their ways, behaviors, and perspective on how to run a country that once was free and under a royal family regulation. The King of Iran, Mohammad Reza Pahlavi was reigning the country for many years until he was overthrown given the first Iran-Iraq war in 1979. That’s when the regime changed and everything in Iran was changing year by year, and there was no longer a separation of church and state. As religious refugees, we had to leave our home country for fear of persecution. These fears were brought onto us from our courageous parents and family members who knew it was a risk to leave but had to for the safety of their lives and their family.
I will forever be grateful for my parents for this decision. Given the recent protests and attacks of young women in Iran, I have been attending protests and advocating for all the young men and women who continue to live in Iran despite their lack of opportunity, to one day be able to live their lives free again. Also, I look forward to the day I can return to my country and enjoy the beautiful landscapes and architecture that Iran is actually known for.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.amazon.com/COOKED-VS-UNCOOKED-SPAGHETTI-Relationships/dp/B09JRTSQ7W
- Instagram: @Dr_Tania_ @cookedvsuncookedspaghetti
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-tania-hormozi-a5995025a/
- Other: Healthy Minds Counseling Services www.healthymindsca.com [email protected] Email me for editing services
Image Credits
Chelsea V Photography
