Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Elaine Miles. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Elaine, we are so deeply grateful to you for opening up about your journey with mental health in the hops that it can help someone who might be going through something similar. Can you talk to us about your mental health journey and how you overcame or persisted despite any issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
From a very early age I was terrified of living in this world. I carried this dread with me most of the time. Happiness was fleeting, but this feeling of loneliness was a steady companion. I knew that others weren’t experiencing this constant inner turmoil, and this only made me feel isolated. These felt like heavy burdens weighing me down. They restricted me. Kept me from feelings of joy and security.
This shadow is what led me to seek out the meaning of existence. I searched for it everywhere. I couldn’t verbalize my feelings and there they sat until I began to read the assigned reading materials from my teachers. I read Gone with the Wind in middle school. This was the beginning of a wider world where feelings were finally addressed. I was less alone as I traversed a new terrain.
Each assigned book I went on to read including The Red Badge of Courage, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, and The Scarlet Letter were confirmations that I was not alone. Others, however far removed, were expressing what I was feeling. “Why, I quietly wondered, didn’t anyone ever mention this inner world?” This was my world and yet society seemed to ignore it. I began to feel torn between two worlds and only one of them was accepted as “real”. The other could only be found in books.
I remained in a conundrum for many years to come. I didn’t “get” this world. How people said one thing and then acted in a contrary way. How my directness was perceived as rudeness. It was extremely confusing. I remained as a bystander.
This ambiguity formed the basis of my quest for truth. I had insights containing bits of wisdom that carried me through the maze. I furiously read my psychology textbook in my senior year feeling validated by the various coping mechanisms in an inverted way. I understood this to well. What did that mean?
Life rafts like these kept me afloat.
Still, neurosis was constant. In my thirties new medication for clinical depression finally eased these inner conflicts freeing me to become more expressive. I began to intuitive the use of visualizations to overcome distructive thought patterns. Mental and emotional obstacles decreased and life became better. I was free to dance my dance.
I continued to become embroiled in conflict and controversy in this new version of myself. It didn’t matter. I knew what truth felt like and I’d trade anything, even the custody of my children to feel like I belonged. To be living without that heavy burden of angst. To explore my endless curiosities and go down many paths.
“I wish I could be more like you, try things and when they don’t work out, shrug them off,” said a coworker. This is the way I do life. It continues to this day. Maintaining a childlike wonder is not naivete. It comes from a deep place of freedom. It does not retreat when it is misunderstood.
Only in my fifties did I begin to see that we all live with the fear of existence. That clinging to attachments to others and to manufactured identities were really distractions from this primal fear to survive.
That if left unexamined, the repression of this fear most definitely leads to addictions, violence, codependence, and sickness. We can hide but we cannot embrace authenticity unless we face this ubiquitous shadow.
One of the most effective tools at our disposal is communicating directly with the inner child. My story, A Shore Day, (in Razing Elaine), depicts my intimate relationship with Little Elaine.
She and I often exchange thoughts and feelings when I initiate a random dialogue. I might ask how she feels about getting ice cream or going to the park. We might go back and forth sharing our thoughts and feelings thereby validating and supporting one another. I enjoy this “exercise” and try to incorporate it often. Providing “her” with a haven is crucial to “our” wellbeing.
I’m never alone. I have her and my inner guidance as well as my many passions to sustain and nurture my soul. For me, the purpose for being alive as an individual is to keep becoming. There are always new paths to go down and familiar ones to come home to.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
Carving out a life has been an adventure. I ignored some rules, dropped the “shoulds” and learned to follow an inner guidance. Getting fired, getting arrested, being committed to a psych hospital with a backdrop of numerous college degrees and professional ventures while embroiled in the anguish of child custody lawsuit and pursuing sexual freedom and navigating the dating scene. It’s all there!
Many tragic experiences could have led to a miserable existence. I held on to a deep knowing that all circumstances in life were designed to groom me for the real skills needed for a peaceful life. Each drama was a lesson in refining the edges of my personality. Each loss taught me a valuable lesson. I learned that I didn’t need to live on the edge and ultimately cultivated the wisdom mystics teach.
Everything I share in Razing Elaine, stumbling, tumbling, fumbling, breaking through, is a social commentary on the backdrop of Western culture. Readers should pause and see this as such. My life experiences are reflective of many others. I’m not unique in that sense. How I’ve chosen to make sense of things may differ from how someone else’s choices. What would you have done differently?
Consider this a tool for personal growth. It is to the end that I’ve written it. Yes, I’m taking stock but I’m also sharing these extremely personal experiences so others can see how life is dynamic. That it’s not enough to follow all the preestablished messages from teachers, preachers, and parents. That each and every belief needs to be examined to see if it is your truth. Are you in relationships that demean rather than celebrate you? Do you engage in traditions that wear you down? Are you being heard? Even the bible speaks to periodical pruning. Put aside old paradigms which are antiquated to the point that they are sucking your true power as a divine creator – an extension of Source itself.
Ultimately, I am here to lead by example. To tumble into marriage as a teenager fumble motherhood and stumble through career trajectories juxtaposed in such a manor that it appears that I was transversing several timelines. Finally, breaking through the program of victimhood in my late fifties I took a major quantum leap into true cohesion. This is propelling my soul forward without any resistance. I’m free!
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Curiosity, courage, and resilience are traits that I embody to an advanced degree. They have each been tested in a myriad of ways and proven to be true in each adverse instance. Life force itself may become blocked, but it can always find a way through. This force is fundamental to all living beings and never ceases to be a force for forward propulsion.
Curiosity arrives randomly. Courage moves this along without hesitation. There’s no time or energy to worry about impressions on others. It may be appreciated or it may be scorned. Either outcomes are the same when there’s not attachment to them. Mistakes never happen. Resiliance interprets all consequences as learning opportunities.
People must own each and every experience to establish a strong sense of personal responsibility. Accept all consequences, but do not allow me to stagnate you. No explanations are necessary if you know that you are a sovereign being who is here to find and hone an inner individuated genius. Practice going inward for insights and feelings to use as a barometer. You have everything within you. It’s takes discipline to learn to tap into wisdoms that you once knew so well.
As we end our chat, is there a book you can leave people with that’s been meaningful to you and your development?
I have always been drawn to spiritual concepts. I can find these expressed in both fiction and non-fiction. Because of insomnia I spent many days on my couch in the 1980s. I listened to Joseph Campbell and his message to “follow your bliss”. This became my mantra. The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck resonated with me on a deep level. The Varieties of Religious Experiences by William James provided me with even more nourishment. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle was a touchstone in my fifties. I continue to read books by modern mystics which prove that the soul is not a belief, but an actual entity.
A common thread running through all of these was that we are much more that merely matter in the third dimension. That we have resources within us that can indeed move mountains. That adversity presents opportunities. That our thoughts have a direct effect on our reality and mind training is required to create a healthy terrain where only positive thoughts prevail. That we must question every single belief as they all originate from a program. That the heart-centered living is bringing about the dawn of a new age.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://razingelaine.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/soultymes?utm_source=qr&igsh=MWUyMmdhNzNmbXM4dQ==
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tantrica.maya
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/public-profile/settings?trk=d_flagship3_profile_self_view_public_profile
- Other: soultymes.com is my site for my energy healing bodywork and holistic sexuality coaching
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
