Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Elle Jae Stewart. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Elle Jae , we can’t begin to explain how much we appreciate you sharing about your PPD experience, but we can say that so many in our community are suffering from or have suffered from postpartum issues including postpartum depression and so you sharing your story and how you overcame it might help someone who is going through it right now or in the future. What can you share with us about how you overcame PPD? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
My introduction to the terms postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum psychosis (PPP) was through the lens of the media on the 2001 Andrea Yates case. I was 18 years old at the time and enthralled by her actions. Upon learning about her case, I wanted to know more and attempted to connect dots that would make sense. My interest and surfaced research lasted for a while as I delved into the headlines of her case and other women like her, but I never understood the importance of studying the signs or potential causes of PPD/PPP until it landed at my doorstep. Fast forward 18 years later and the effects of PPD would make itself a part of my reality. The scariest, most hellacious time of my life was the experience of postpartum depression. After birthing my second daughter at 36, I was consumed with a consistent spiral of emotional instability and immaturity. At first, I blamed the unexplainable emotions on sleep deprivation because my baby would only sleep while being held. All of the surfaced research and interest garnered from years prior waned and I was consumed by the societal pressures of what a nurturing mom looks, feels, and behaves like. I blocked the possibility that I could be dealing with PPD. However, by the time my daughter was 6 months old, the influx of mental gymnastics was not lessening, it was getting worse. I blamed everything wrong on my blessing. I was extremely depressed and remained that way until I honored what was happening to me. I was suffering in silence from something that is taboo and not widely acknowledged or talked about. By the time I recognized that my depression was tied to postpartum, I began to seek help. My help consisted of talking openly and vulnerably to my husband, girlfriends, other moms, and thorough research. I began to see similarities in my feelings to others. Once I felt seen, heard, and validated it became easier for me to assess and express. I didn’t feel divinely connected to my baby until she was 16 months old. It took a long time for me to fall in love with her. My PPD showed up because she is my carbon copy in every sense of the word. The way she depends on me and demands to only be in my space was reminiscent of how I was with the woman who birthed me. I was repeating the trauma inflicted and internally conflicted on why until the work on understanding myself and my relationship with being a mother was addressed with honesty. I never want to be like the woman who birthed me. Yet I was. Once this was realized, I worked my ass off and strengthened my mental state with a load of self-work. My PPD was tied to unprocessed trauma, so I began to process, accept, and release. Now, my baby and I are thick as thieves. Her laugh, hugs, and trust in me are infectious and have given me a deeper sense of purpose. I am more than her mom and she is more than my daughter, we are each other’s everything and I wouldn’t have it any other way. As an artist, I decided to share my experience with PPD by writing a feature film about the matter. The film is titled, ABIGAIL and it is about a talented ballerina whose life is derailed by postpartum depression. I include my personal experience heightened by creative imagination and scary possibilities. Nikki Rowe said it best, “Art is my cure to all this madness, sadness, and loss of belonging in the world..”
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
As I look back over my career and passions, I would say the three qualities that have sustained me as an artist are 1) Only focusing on what I can control 2) Never giving up even when I desperately wanted to and 3) Having fulfilling interests/hobbies that have nothing to do with my career. The best advice I can provide artists who are early on their journey is your journey is yours and yours alone. Some may skyrocket to financial security or lottery-esque fame, but who cares?! Only focus on you! Remain a student of your craft. Become obsessed with you and enjoy the waves. Whatever you do, never ever give up on your dreams. Even if you don’t reach the level of success you see for yourself, your ability to remain resilient and a warrior of your interests can positively impact others around you.
What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
My biggest area of growth in the past 12 months is my mental health and appreciation for the priceless moments in life. The year 2022 began with a severe mental break sending me into a 10-month-long psycho-therapy session with one of the world’s best damn therapists! Decluttering my mind of past traumas that do not serve my existence was paramount. Understanding how one arrives at the perspective gained in the world helps to elevate the mind to high vibrational activity. Becoming superior to low actions and thoughts was the objective of therapy and I soared immensely. I now understand the importance of boundaries and dissecting every trigger with precision to begin the work of correcting the infraction.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.ellejaestewart.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellejaestewart
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ellejaestewart33
Image Credits
Stephanie Girard & Thomas H. Stewart
