Meet Ellie McLaughlin

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Ellie McLaughlin. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Ellie, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.

I grew up in a pretty typical “All-American” family. We were part of average-middle-class-white America. It was easy to blend in when I didn’t want to stand out, fairly intuitive to navigate my environment, and overall, life was predictable and felt safe. This fed my introverted soul and I had no complaints. When I wanted to rise up and be noticed, I knew how to do that. But when I wanted to slip through the cracks, blend into the scenery, or simply observe, I could do that too. The privilege of this position was completely lost on me.

As a child, I noticed that my grandma took great pride in her bloodline. She loved that her children and grandchildren were smart, independent and good-looking; that they were capable and driven. And when one of them did not quite measure up, she was always there with a “helpful” comment to get things back on track.

I was expected to get good grades, take care of my physical appearance, and do my very best all the time. None of those things are bad. Many would argue that they are important to becoming a well-rounded self-sufficient individual. What I didn’t realize is the measure of success, quality of life, and worth that I was unknowingly adapting as a core belief through osmosis, was so narrow-sighted that it was keeping me blind to the beauty around me that comes from experiencing people with differences.

Attending elementary school in the late 80’s meant that kids with disabilities were separated into their own classrooms. I had glimpses of them as they walked from their class to the gym, or out to their own recess, but there weren’t opportunities for friendship, let alone simple interaction. And at its very core, I, and much of my generation, was being robbed of important empathy-growing experiences, as the kids with the disabilities were robbed of experiences with typical peers.

Fast forward to adulthood, my husband and I went through infertility for years before we were blessed with our daughter Lexi in 2009. She is one of our greatest miracles. It didn’t take long for us to realize she wasn’t meeting her milestones. We had her enrolled into Early Intervention services when she was only 4 months old. Although we knew that she wasn’t developing at a typical rate, we did all the things that first-time parents do. Lexi became our life. As we alternated back and forth between catastrophizing and putting on our rose colored glasses, we tried to also stay present and take it one day at a time. As Lexi continued to grow and develop on her own curve, we grieved and celebrated simultaneously, because when you have a child with a disability, that’s what you do.

Lexi was diagnosed with CP at the age of 3. At the age of 8 she was additionally diagnosed with Intellectual Disability, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This didn’t change who Lexi was or what she was capable of. But it did give us information to better help her and to access resources that weren’t previously available to her.

Through all the therapies, doctor appointments, procedures, IEPs, meltdowns, celebrations, and the ever-fluctuating grief and joy that seems to be so predictably unpredictable, we have found our rhythm over the years, and even better still, my husband and I absolutely delight in who Lexi is at her core, as do our family members.

As they say in therapy, two things can be true. This journey has been incredibly difficult and also immensely rewarding. Having a daughter we adopted internationally, and a daughter who is neurodivergent, we don’t look or act like a typical American family. My children certainly are not afforded the luxury of blending in when we go out, meet another family, participate in an event or travel. Standing out is unavoidable, and shrinking back is impossible.

Becoming immersed in the neurodivergent community by means of my daughter, has been one of the most valuable life experiences I have to date. There is a whole world out there that consists of resilient, funny, brave, capable, creative, loving and passionate individuals. People that are part of this community are the most accepting group that I have ever interacted with. The obstacles that they have to overcome just to function in a world that is built for the able, is sometimes hard to even comprehend, and just thinking about it feels exhausting. They are truly heroic.

As a graphic designer by trade, I love to look at different styles of art and design. Naturally there are some styles of design and art that I gravitate to more naturally. Sometimes the abstract, quirky and surprising can be even more appealing than the trendy and safe. But it takes more than just a glance to see these distinctions. It’s easy to make snap judgments and move on without taking a closer look. But when we talk about true beauty in art, we think about the journey, the story and the motivation behind it, not just the work itself.

Beauty is a subjective concept, and exists in the mind that observes it, or in the “eye of the beholder”, as the saying goes. Fortunately, our brain is an elastic, adaptable, amazing organ and most of us have the ability to see things in a new light when given the information we need to formulate our own opinions and views. The more we are acquainted with people we aren’t familiar with, maybe aren’t even comfortable with, the more our eyes and hearts are open to seeing the beauty beyond the label and ridding ourselves of some inaccurate stereotypes that cause more harm than good. Stereotypes that even I can admit having prior to being introduced to the disabled community and raising a child with a disability. But this means we have to pause and take it in. Take it all in.

The Aesthetique Philosophie is a passion project for me. It’s a way for me to combine my love for design with my love for the neurodivergent community. I primarily have neurodivergent people model my products. My goal is to empower them and to let them take the spotlight, give them a voice and show the able community the beauty that lies beyond the label.

In addition, I donate a portion of my profits yearly to non-profit organizations that benefit disabled children and adults. It’s my small way to give back to a community that has given Lexi and our whole family so much.

So how did I find my purpose? I was forced out of my comfort zone and I never want to go back.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I started The Aesthetique Philosophie because I wanted to offer something different to the neurodivergent community and those that have loved ones and friends that are part of it. There are a lot of apparel options out there for the Autism community, but many of them have the same styles, sayings and vibe.

My passion for retro design specifically from the 70s and 80s has been a driving force for my overall brand aesthetic. My vision was to create an elevated aesthetic for advocacy merchandise and apparel while also providing other generic apparel and accessory options, all of which would be modeled by primarily ND models, with a portion of sales benefiting non-profits that support the disabled community. It was like I got to marry my 2 loves–retro design with ND advocacy.

Since I launched my advocacy tees for kids this summer, I have gotten an overwhelmingly positive response. The response was so great that I am now, by request, expanding into youth and adult sizes in the same designs. They are currently available for pre-order and are expected to be in stock by late August. I have since also launched some women’s-specific tees, and I am planning on offering more sizing options to become more size inclusive in the near future based on demand and feedback. Growing pains are to be expected with any new business and I’m still working out the logistics to continue to meet the need.

The best part of all of this has been personally connecting with other families and individuals who are neurodivergent and learning their stories! I’ve even had families who have purchased from me, send me pictures of their kids wearing the apparel. These messages always make my day!

In July I had the opportunity to interview many of my ND models and other individuals for a special spotlight on my socials to celebrate Disability Pride Month. It’s important to me that my brand feels approachable and relatable. I am an actual person behind the business, working from home by myself, fulfilling orders, and quality checking everything! If people have questions or just want to connect, I want them to know that I’m available and I’m here. You’re not going to get an AI chat box when you send me a message! I put my whole heart into my business and I take pride in the items I sell.

This Fall I’m going to be releasing a retro-style reversible women’s puffer vest that I’m really excited about. I designed it based on a thrift store find, but added my own special flair to it. I also never understood why reversible vests often are detailed on one side and just plain inside, so both sides will be detailed and look like 2 different high-quality puffer vests. Portions of the vest profits will be donated to a local non-profit called “Ri’s Coffee” which is a mobile coffee shop that serves to employ and empower people with disabilities. They are currently raising funds to open a brick and mortar location where they can employ more adults with disabilities and utilize adaptive equipment.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

I have been a graphic designer for over 20 years. I started out as a website designer in the early 2000’s but had to step away from career-life when Lexi was born in 2009. Since her arrival, I have used my talents in a variety of ways over the years. I’ve dabbled in several different arenas of design, none of which were long-term gigs, but fulfilling nonetheless. I always knew I wanted to be able to use my skills in a meaningful way. As my kids have grown, and the supports we’ve acquired for our disabled daughter increase, I’ve found myself in a different life stage where I can allow myself to occasionally step away as full-time “therapent” (therapy parent), and engage in other endeavors that utilize my talents and passions.

Starting The Aesthetique Philosophie seemed like a pipe dream. It was and continues to be a lot of work, and there is a steep learning curve as I’ve never truly built a brand from the ground up. And admittedly, I wasn’t using social media hardly at all when I began this journey. There have been so many things to learn, obstacles to overcome, and a constant need to see these challenges with a growth mindset.

Three qualities that I think are absolutely essential to success when starting a new business are:

1. Vision – Having a clear vision of what your purpose and goals are for your business, is absolutely essential to the success of it. You need to ask yourself, what need are you meeting that isn’t already being met by other businesses or organizations? And how will you reach the people that are looking for your product or services so you can meet that need? Since I was already involved in local neurodivergent communities and had connections, this made it easier for me to find my niche. The people I was hoping to reach were already part of my village. And through them, I am able to dialogue and engage in meaningful conversation and recieve feedback that is beneficial and essential to my brand. My vision in its most basic form was to create a brand that was high quality, delightfully aesthetic, and helped spotlight the ND community in ways that other brands did not. Lexi had utilized adaptive recreation services in the past to be able to learn how to ski and bike. Being an outdoorsy family, these experiences were valuable to us. We wanted to be able to experience the outdoors with our disabled daughter and include her to whatever degree she wanted to be included. So when I first created the company, I wanted to focus on outdoorwear that was aesthetic and fun, using ND models and financially supporting adaptive recreation. As I launched my products and started to also introduce advocacy apparel, I realized there was a significant need to bring new aesthetics to the ND community that helped kids, teens and adults celebrate neurodiversity in a new style and way.

2. Growth Mindset – Since I began this journey, it has been a constant learning experience. I would be lying if I said that I knew from the beginning exactly what I wanted my brand to be and that my vision immediately took off. That wasn’t the case. It has been a lot of work and adjustment from the very beginning. It’s important to be flexible in your journey and to be open to feedback, both positive and negative, without taking it personally. It’s easy to say this but so hard to practice in real life, especially when you are passionate about what you are doing. Although I have been involved in the ND and disabled community for the last 14 years, there will always be room to grow, things to learn and opportunities to do better. When all is said and done, I am not the one living in a disabled body. I am neurodivergent, being diagnosed with ADHD, but I do not struggle in the ways that my daughter, or many others within the community do. Each individual is different and has unique struggles that they face. Even within the community there are so many different opinions and preferences. Many that conflict with each other. You will never be able to please everyone, but hearing and truly listening to the voices of the people that your business serves is essential to success. Growth and change can be painful and overwhelming, but most often it is rewarding. We celebrate when Lexi is “super flex” with her thinking and can roll with a change that she wasn’t expecting. I have realized it isn’t just her thinking that can be rigid. We, as an able community, are often just as rigid. We spend so much time in therapy with our autistic kids working on flexible thinking, but we can be tragically blind to our own rigidity. Keeping a growth mindset sets us up for success and personal growth as a human being.

3. Perseverance – Over the last year there were many times I just wanted to give up. I wasn’t seeing the results that I was hoping for, I was burning through my advertising money, I felt inadequate for the task at hand, and I fumbled trying to learn new skills and software that I’d never laid eyes on before. I often felt like just throwing in the towel and chalking it up to another failed endeavor. I continue to have moments like that, and I will continue to get discouraged. I will feel like a failure or an imposter at times, and I will continue to doubt myself and what I’m doing. The thing that I will not do is give up. In those moments I have a choice. I can walk away, take a break, regroup and decide later if I want to continue, or I can start brainstorming new and creative ways to engage my target audience and meet their needs. I have always chosen the latter. I know that if I walk away and entertain the thought of giving up, I’m planting a seed of doubt in my own talents and abilities that could easy take root and that is simply not something I am willing to do. It’s easy to fall into a trap thinking that if this doesn’t work, it wasn’t meant to be. But when we look at successful businesses, they all have one thing in common and it’s perserverance. Sometimes when things aren’t going our way, we need to continue to push, think back on the reason we started this journey in the first place and find renewed purpose and strength.

Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?

I would love to connect with other businesses that support and advocate for the disabled community. Non-profits or companies that promote inclusion and acceptance would be such an asset not only to my own brand awareness but also for my customer base and targeted audience.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.theaplife.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_aesthetique_philosophie
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aesthetiquephilosophie/
• Other: Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/aesthetiquephilosophie/

Image Credits

Wendy Nolte Photography
Verbose Photography
Alesia Patnode