Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Elyse Hughes. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Elyse , we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
I don’t feel especially confident most of the time and the glory is that I don’t have to! I can show up, tick off the next task, and create a good life with fear lodged in my throat and full-fledged doubt chopping at my knees. I don’t have to radiate self-esteem to acknowledge I’ve done something right now and again. I go for the small wins—the tiny triumphs. I try to give myself credit for the unglamorous, mundane, and seemingly trivial tasks that largely comprise any accomplishment that society acknowledges (or doesn’t). Because most of the time, we’re toiling away in the unseen, chopping wood, carrying water . . . and there’s no parade bursting through the door to shower us with praise. When the outer world does shine its warm spotlight on us, it’s quite wonderful . . . and fleeting.
Some cliches are cliches because they possess a universal truth and this one applies: It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. When I self-published for the first time, the biggest realization that nestled in my chest was that I love the creative process. I feed off of anticipatory energy, thrive in collaboration, and when the launch comes, it feels like a death. It’s nice to have followed through on something I set my mind to, but I get the greatest sense of pride from who I was in the lead-up. My sense of confidence, accomplishment, and good feelings about myself are more determined by small daily choices than big external accolades. That’s a nourishing way to live and I guess that’s what we call creative living.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I’m an author who writes about my misadventures in SelfLove and trying to make it. I share raw experiences in hopes that, collectively, we can cut ourselves a freaking break already. We’re human, and that means mess. My mess includes (but is not limited to) chronic illness, financial struggle, varying levels of depression, anxiety, analysis paralysis, and body image issues. I’m slowly learning to value the downs as much as the ups, and not blame myself for them. That involves gentle consistency with self-care, plus bottomless forgiveness when things get stressful and healthy practices fly out the window. Offering the vulnerable play-by-play of this whacky, winding journey through writing continues to be the strongest healing force in my life and I can only hope it similarly touches my readers. Because there’s always more to the story of self-development, transformation, and lasting change than what any meme, one-minute video, or even a well-conceptualized book can offer. Growth is an ever-shifting, complex journey entirely unique to each of us that spans our lifetime and beyond.
Things to check out:
My first collection of writings, Come Out & Play: Musings From The Micro Blog 1.0 is deep yet digestible and includes journaling pages to invite reflection and spark creativity. Free audiobook (narrated by me) included with all formats.
The SelfLoving Sisterhood Book Club offers eclectic monthly reading recommendations spanning SelfLove, spirituality, bingeable fiction, and beyond. It’s perfect for introverts, sensitives, and anyone whose schedules and/or brain wiring make monthly book club commitments impossible. Keep tabs and learn about fresh selections by following @elysehugheswriter on Instagram or Facebook.
Find raw writings, ways to connect with me, and anything upcoming at elysehughes.com.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Tarnished resilience.
“Life doesn’t always get better. But you do. You get stronger. You get wiser. You get softer. With tattered wings you rise. And the world watches in wonder at the breathless beauty of a human who survived life.” – L.R. Knost
Advice: Give yourself the grace of endless starting points that can be initiated whenever you need a new beginning. “Don’t quit” or “Don’t give up” doesn’t always apply because there are valid, essential reasons for both! Sometimes we’ve gotta STOP to see what’s not working and redirect our energies. Or, we’re sprinting toward a goal in a completely unsustainable way and the universe intervenes, forcing us to give up so that we finally integrate a new approach that prioritizes our well-being. Rise with tattered wings when you’re ready, on your terms, and know that the rest of us humans value you that much more because of what you’ve weathered.
Asking.
Creation calls for collaboration at one point or another and as much as I love playing the lone wolf, I’m learning it’s vital to ask for help.
Advice: Aim for both intentional and un-precious with your asks. A friend and skilled fundraiser gave me a great tip: Offer multiple options with varying levels of involvement to up the chances of receiving some level of support. You might not get a Yes to the biggest ask, but instead, a referral to someone who could become one. When you get a No (rejection stings!), give yourself extra love and space to process. While you’re integrating those feelings, factor in that timing might be off, a more aligned option is out there and the incredible discomfort will become bearable and eventually lose charge the more accustomed you get to asking, and then receiving whatever comes. I’m going to tack on the advice of inspirational author and artist, SARK: “Ask. Ask again. Ask differently.”
Quick forgiveness.
Of ourselves and others. We burn bridges when we grow. Friends fall out. We have to break away from toxic influences to prioritize our health and well-being. We wrong people, they wrong us, and resentments compile inside. I am like the elephant that never forgets and after decades of grudge-holding my heart is heavy. I’ve often felt like I can’t “let it go” but now realize I have to.
Advice: Forgive when ya can. Some things simply can’t be forgiven, and if you find that to be the case, make peace with that, too. Energy is a finite resource and resentment hoards emotional real estate. Forgiveness is a way to detox the heart, accept the past, and free ourselves of the burden blame dumps on us. Old hate can be the last holdout blocking us from truly moving forward. If nothing else, being able to say, “Eh, water under the bridge” is a way to flow with life, reduce resistance, and self-soothe. It helps us feel better and that’s reason enough to do it.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
A mentor once told me, “Set the bar low. Lower than low. That way, you can accomplish what you set out to do fairly easily and build momentum.” I trashed all my goals and started aiming low. I had a ridiculous morning routine that took me hours and left me drained. Now? Brush my teeth and get at it! I used to set 14+ books on my Goodreads yearly reading challenge . . . and now? Two! Boy, do I slam dunk exceeding that benchmark, so much so, that I actually enjoy reading instead of feeling like I’m perpetually behind.
Doing less, going for good enough (forgetting the myth of perfect altogether), and mentally decreasing the stakes has empowered me to act now, as I am. Overwhelm still trickles (and sometimes floods) in, and when it does, I’m fortunate to be able to step outside where I have a garden and plants that always need tending, unrelenting weeds to pluck, which clears my head as does a walk in nature. These are my first go-to’s, both deceivingly simple and highly effective.
Doable ways to lessen overwhelm:
• Do regular stuff imperfectly to show yourself the world won’t end if a hair’s out of place. Like: Leave the house in sweatpants sometimes! Make a simple meal that tastes good but is otherwise ordinary. Show up to the Zoom call without makeup. Send an email with a comma left out.
• Cut your to-do list down by half, then half again.
• Turn your phone off. Leave it off or on Do Not Disturb until you get through the day’s pressing or important work. (On most devices you can set Focus parameters to switch to this setting in prescheduled chunks or when you arrive home.) Increase uninterrupted time with the life right in front of you, away from the screen, more and more and more.
• Three words: Social Media Boundaries. Nothing plummets self-esteem and skyrockets scatteredness like a nosedive down the feeds. Set time and intention parameters to stay away from Comparison Town. Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari is an excellent resource to reel in distraction.
• BREATHE. Let the belly expand as you breathe in through your nose and pay extra attention, as you extend that exhale out your mouth. Do this until you feel settled enough to do what’s right in front of you.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.elysehughes.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elysehugheswriter/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elysehugheswriter
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/elysehughes
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