We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Emily Berning a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Emily, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
Resilience, much like a rubber band, embodies the remarkable quality of adaptability. Initially, I envisioned it as an unyielding force, capable of enduring any stretch and reverting to its original state. However, my understanding evolved when I observed that rubber bands, when overstretched or frequently strained, can lose their elasticity or even snap. This mirrors the nature of human resilience. Indeed, resilience is our capacity to rebound from adversity, but it is not inexhaustible. Neglecting self-care or failing to allocate sufficient time for recovery can impair our mental resilience, akin to a rubber band losing its integrity. True resilience, then, is not just about bouncing back; it’s about recognizing and respecting our own limits. By understanding and honoring these boundaries, we enhance our resilience, ensuring that we do not stretch ourselves to the point of breaking.
My journey to resilience wasn’t instantaneous or effortless; it was a gradual process nurtured through experience. Resilience demanded an understanding of my boundaries, and to comprehend these limits, I had to venture out, experiment, learn from errors, and persist after setbacks. As the President and Co-Founder of the nonprofit Let Them Live, my resilience was forged in the challenges. I’ve taken risks, learned from failures, endured criticism, and always strived to get back up every time, driven not by personal gain but by a commitment to the pregnant women and babies we support.
This resilience springs from a deep-seated desire to better the world. It may sound cliché, but it’s a profound truth. Often, those who dedicate themselves to serving others risk their own mental well-being in the process. I’ve experienced this firsthand. True resilience, I’ve learned, is not just about recovery but also about recognizing and honoring one’s limits.
About two years ago, I found myself working 90-hour weeks, neglecting personal time, health, and the concept of work-life balance. Such is the trap when your work aligns closely with your passions. Eventually, I reached a breaking point, leading to a necessary two-month sabbatical to restore my mental health, crucial for my effectiveness in the organization and for those I collaborate with. It was a stark lesson that resilience is not about relentlessly pushing myself to the edge without compassion or space to breathe. Rather, it’s about knowing how to strategically recharge, allowing me to sustain my dedication and give my best to the mission.
It’s true that achieving resilience is not a simple task; valuable things seldom are. My journey to becoming more resilient has been a long one, and even now, there are days when it feels like a struggle. Resilience, for me, is not a constant state; it fluctuates with time and circumstances. Reflecting on my past, I realize that if I had encountered the challenges I face now three years ago, I might not have been able to handle them.
I’ve learned that resilience grows incrementally, fostered by our life experiences and the crucial moments when we step back to allow ourselves some breathing room. Interestingly, I find it easier to embody certain qualities or undertake actions when they contribute to the well-being of others. Remembering who I am advocating for each day fuels my resilience. This perspective helps me rebound from negativity, whether it’s harsh criticism or intense scrutiny, with much greater ease.
Every day, Let Them Live stands as a symbol of light, hope, and support for pregnant women who, facing the prospect of an abortion, yearn for an alternative. These women, often feeling cornered by financial constraints, may not realize the extent of the support and love available to them. I am committed to these courageous and incredible mothers, and it’s my responsibility to embody resilience and continue nurturing this support.
Resilience is not just a personal trait but a necessity in the work I do. Without it, the weight of these responsibilities could overwhelm me, rendering me ineffective. This would be a disservice not only to myself but also to our dedicated staff, generous donors, committed volunteers, and most importantly, to the mothers and their babies, and even to future generations. Staying resilient is essential to ensure that we can keep providing the help and hope these women so desperately need.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
As the President and Co-Founder of Let Them Live, my role is to steer our organization in supporting pregnant women who face financial difficulties and feel pressured towards abortion. Our aim is to provide these women with the necessary support and resources, empowering them to choose life! It is our belief that no woman should have to choose between paying her bills or her baby’s life.
What makes our work particularly special is the tangible impact we have on the lives of these women and their babies. It’s incredibly fulfilling to witness how our efforts bring hope and change in their lives. Every day, Let Them Live stands as a beacon of light and support, illuminating paths for these women that they might not have known existed. We help them see that they are not alone and that there is both love and support available. Let Them Live is incredibly special and unique because we focus on the needs of women which has garnered us support from people of all different backgrounds and beliefs on the issue of abortion. At the end of the day, Let Them Live is a perfect example of people helping people and putting aside disagreements in order to meet the needs of pregnant women.
In Let Them Live, we are not just offering temporary relief; we’re contributing to a lasting change in these women’s lives, and impacting future generations. This aspect of our work is incredibly exciting and something I am deeply passionate about. In our home, we have a wall of Let Them Live baby pictures hanging; rows and rows of them that serve as a daily reminder of why we do what we do.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Reflecting on my journey, especially in leading and growing Let Them Live, I believe the three most impactful pieces of knowledge that have shaped my experience are learning the value of clear communication/setting clear expectations, honesty with emotional intelligence, and avoiding assumptions.
1. Clear Communication: The ability to communicate clearly and effectively has been indispensable for me. This involves not only conveying your thoughts and plans but also actively listening to others. It’s crucial in team coordination, donor engagement, and even in personal growth. My advice for those starting their journey is to practice active listening and to articulate your ideas thoughtfully. Remember, communication is a two-way street; understanding others is as important as being understood. On the same wavelength, setting and managing expectations—both yours and others’—is key to sustainable growth and avoiding burnout. It’s about understanding your limits and communicating them effectively. For those at the beginning of their paths, it’s important to set achievable goals and be honest about your capacity. This helps in building trust and reliability. Remember, overpromising and underdelivering can be detrimental in the long run.
2. Honesty with Emotional Intelligence: Honesty, particularly in expressing emotions and feedback, is vital. It’s better to address issues or feelings as they arise rather than letting them fester (I have, unfortunately, learned that the hard way). However, this honesty must be tempered with emotional intelligence. Understand the context and the impact your words might have. For those early in their journey, I recommend cultivating self-awareness and empathy. Learn to recognize not just what you feel but why you feel it, and consider how your words and actions might affect others. Don’t be afraid to vocalize your thoughts and emotions honestly. This is a really crucial skill in helping you to avoid being a “people-pleaser”.
3. Avoiding Assumptions: Making assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications, impacting relationships and decision-making processes negatively. By not assuming, you encourage a culture of inquiry and understanding, where decisions are based on facts and informed perspectives. This approach fosters clearer communication, builds stronger relationships, and leads to more effective problem-solving. To those early in their journey, cultivating a mindset of curiosity and open-mindedness is crucial. Always seek to understand the full context before drawing conclusions, and remember that asking questions is often more powerful than presuming answers.
In developing these qualities, patience and continuous learning are your allies. Embrace feedback, be open to change, and don’t shy away from challenges, as they are opportunities for growth. Remember, the journey is as important as the destination.
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
When I feel overwhelmed, which happens to everyone from time to time, I have a few strategies to help me!
1. Taking a Step Back: It’s important to remember that it’s okay to take a break. Often, the issue you’re dealing with will still be there when you return, and you’ll be in a better state to tackle it. Stepping away for a moment can provide a new perspective and prevent burnout. It’s not about running away from the problem but rather regrouping and coming back with renewed energy and clarity.
2. Breathe and Reset: For anyone who deals with anxiety like I do, it is important to remember to breathe. It sounds simple, but taking deep, controlled breaths can significantly reduce stress and help clear your mind. It’s a quick way to reset your mental state. Even a few minutes of deep breathing exercises can make a big difference in calming your nerves.
3. Seek Advice or Collaborate: Sharing the burden can be incredibly helpful. Two heads are often better than one, and having someone else to discuss a problem with or delegate tasks to can significantly reduce feelings of being overwhelmed. Collaboration not only divides the workload but also brings in new ideas and perspectives, which can be invaluable in finding solutions.
4. Engaging in a Different Activity: Sometimes, shifting your focus to a completely different task can be a great strategy. For me, cleaning the house or checking off items from my personal to-do list helps in overcoming the sense of being overwhelmed. It provides a sense of accomplishment and clears my mind, allowing me to return to my work with a fresh mindset.
These strategies not only help in managing the immediate feeling of being overwhelmed but also contribute to long-term well-being and productivity. It’s all about finding what works best for you and remembering that taking care of your mental health is just as important as tackling the task at hand.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://letthemlive.org/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/letthemliveorg/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LetThemLiveOrg/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/let-them-live/mycompany/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/letthemliveorg
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@LetThemLive
- Other: https://linktr.ee/letthemliveorg
