We recently connected with Emily Her and have shared our conversation below.
Emily, sincerely appreciate your selflessness in agreeing to discuss your mental health journey and how you overcame and persisted despite the challenges. Please share with our readers how you overcame. For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
To put it bluntly, I would never wish my life onto anyone else but I also would not trade it with anyone else. It was because of my challenges with mental health that I aspire to live everyday like it could be my last — I’ve ended up in enough hospitals, staring at the blank ceiling, feeling that rush of regret when my life flashes before my eyes and I wish I had lived my life differently.
I’ve spent more of this life in suicidal years than not. For the first 21 years, everyday was a constant challenge. I lived passively, unable to find will or reason to live. Whether I was in rehab, an eating disorder clinic, therapy, or anywhere else, I found myself in endless battles against myself and my heart. Many reasons contributed to how my life began this way but I try to not think about them anymore. After all, recovery is a forward-moving process.
Though I have unfortunately landed in multiple near-death incidents, I also recognize I’m blessed to still be alive and kicking. Maybe that’s why I am so adamant to live everyday to my maximum. I no longer want to find myself staring at the blinding lights of a hospital ceiling, filled with regrets that I didn’t chase my dreams harder while I still could. I’m grateful for the many chances of life I’ve been given, even if I once had difficulty finding that gratitude. I’m privileged to be able to fill everyday with what makes me excited to still be living life.
I believe that naturally, I’m a very pessimistic and cynical person. My therapists have told me time and time again that my mental health challenges and upbringing are conducive to creating someone filled with violence and hatred, and I would be lying if I said I never felt those emotions during my hardest times. However, I always tell myself now that I did not try so hard during those hardest times to simply come out of the other side — I want to make this a life worth living, with stories worth telling.
I published my book “Everything I Leave Behind For You” in 2022. I had always been asked by others and myself how I can share my story and lessons with as many as possible, and it was during my last year in school when I found myself struggling again that the time to help others is always now.
My hope is that my writing will be able to give readers a greater will to live and fight on. No matter what we have crumpled under, are stumbling over, or will be beaten by, we can’t wait for the world and its challenges to pass by before we take charge of our own lives and happiness. Through my book, I recollect memories from conversations, the mental hospital, and therapy in a raw and vulnerable expression of my struggles so that others will not need to experience them. To learn how to find themselves again– we’re all a little bit lost, after all.
I lie if I say I am not scared to share my work with the world. It is a raw, uncut, and vulnerable reflection into thoughts and conversations of a lifetime with mental disorders. Yet, my hope to make just one person feel a bit less lonely drives me to make footprints in a hardened path. I ask that you join me to reach those who are also hiding “ugly” parts.
<i>“Emily dedicates herself to making this world a better place through vulnerability — it is a letter to each of us: the burnt out working professional, the over-pressured student, the concerned parents. This book is a hopeful yet fragile attempt to sit down and untangle the noise. An attempt with heroic hope. And perhaps, the honest attempt is all we need.”</i>
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
It’s cliche, but life has truly taken me in directions I would never have expected 5 years ago. I am the creator of Karepango, an apparel and lifestyle brand featuring original characters with cheerful messaging.
However, my life looked very different up until a few months ago. Up until a few months ago, I was working in tech by day and managing a restaurant by night. On the weekends, I would work on my brand. I always straddled myself between three “jobs” — my tech job to pay the bills, my restaurant job to fulfill my hospitality passions, and my brand to satisfy my creative passions. Unfortunately, that lifestyle no longer became sustainable after I landed in the ER from overwork a few weeks ago.
I’m originally from the Bay Area, California but never really felt a sense of home there. I was always a creative at heart but I was never encouraged to pursue that side of myself in favor of the more technical and quantitative abilities I’m blessed with. After I graduated from the University of Chicago, I spent a few years as a management consultant at McKinsey advising big banks with big strategies. Sure, it looked like I finally put my Economics degree to good use, but I was still straddling at “I’m doing what society expects me to do but is this truly making me happy?” I decided that I had grown comfortable to Chicago and it was necessary for me to grow up again. I love Chicago, don’t get me wrong. Chicago will always be more of a home to me than the Bay. But I wanted to create a home within myself by finding who I am.
And here I am now, in Brooklyn, New York. I think I’ll stay here for a while — this big city and concrete jungle is truly the land of opportunity and meeting new people. I’ve always been a bit more introverted and reserved in nature, but this place makes me want to create a community. Maybe it’s because I’ve never found the people who feel like me — I’ve felt like a fish out of water more frequently than I have in a pond of my own people. For the first time, NYC has provided me with so many people that I’ve been able to find the many communities which lend themselves as a home to me as I build my own home of the people from those various communities. I was fortunate to meet a variety of people who showed me, by example, what it meant to live everyday without regrets. It meant dedicating all of themselves, their body and time and energy and all, to the things they cared about. And I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be true to who I was. I’m still in the process of learning who that is. It’s been an extremely exciting adventure so far and I cannot wait to keep going.
I’m passionate about a lot, and I have to thank the past version of me for doing something about feeling like a fish out of water. I have to thank past me for taking the leap of faith in myself and letting myself just try something new. Whether it’s with moving to NYC, starting my brand, writing a book, being vocal about mental health and my experiences… my life is a story of all the bets I’ve made on myself, and this version of myself that I’m learning and building from each one.
When I first began Karepango, it wasn’t anything serious. However, I’m honestly really proud of myself for turning it into the six-figure business that it is today within a year of operations. I know a part of me is still hesitant because of the “starving artist” mantra I grew up around, but a larger part of me wants to prove to the younger version of me that I can do this.
I want to create a brand that was reflective of the same loud and proud lifestyle I want to have. I’m an introvert by nature, but I wanted to step out of my comfort zones and be unapologetic about who I am and how I am where I am today. Today, the purpose of my brand is to invite everyone to the same dinner table, family style. I want to invite the world to dine with me and for everyone to come as they are.
The Taiwanese and Japanese cultures I come from have ingrained the idea of the family-style dining table into me where the best gatherings happen from unintended conversations, connections, and memories over good food. However, I did not grow up in a stable household or family so it was difficult for me to find where I could feel the “family style” I wanted to have. And so, I turned to the world. I turned to the communities that adopted me and I finally found the “family style” I was looking for. The “family style” came in the meals and the days when I least expected them, and that’s the magic of dining at the same table.
My brand is grounded in Taiwanese and Japanese hospitality but inviting of everyone who might stop by along the way. Its loud designs encourage the magic of finding the smallest joys in everyday life, intended to bring a smile in the most unexpected times. We can always find reason to laugh if we look hard enough.
<i>I want to believe in the good in this world, and I invite everyone to my dining table to indulge.
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In 2025, I’m hoping to grow this brand to be much more than I can fathom now, at the start of the year. I’m still figuring out its direction, but largely I want to focus on expanding within retail and wholesale opportunities. Despite being based in New York, I am planning on building roots on the West Coast as well.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
<b>1. Surround yourself with your people. </b>The circle of folks who I keep around me now look very different than the folks from a year ago, and it was difficult for me to reconcile this at first. I’m a people-pleaser who has difficulty letting people go, but I learned this year that the friends I hold closest to my heart are those who always had faith in my risks and leaps. I am now pursuing a life that is very different than the life I chose 5 years ago so it was only natural that when I caught up with friends from 5 years ago, we just do not understand each other the same way anymore. I feel so much more like myself now, and it meant that I could be more honest about the company I keep with me. I found my communities in the most unexpected interactions and I finally began to understand what it meant to feel like I have found “my people”. I wouldn’t be here today without them so I am endlessly grateful for their existence in my life.
<b>2. Similarly, don’t do life by yourself. </b>Find people who you can grow with, people who you can bounce ideas with, and people who will celebrate your wins with you. I’ve been able to grow so much more quickly since I began to talk with individuals who were building a similar future to mine. I did not grow up with many role models so it has been exhilarating whenever I meet someone new who I find admirable. Whether it’s advice or simply sharing experiences, find the people who will understand what you are doing and grow alongside them. Give back when they give to you. Show your gratitude for them. Life can get really lonely if you don’t find others who have walked similar paths, so when you do find them, keep them close to your own journey.
<b>3. Life is too short to not take risks.</b> Do the scary things. Do the dumb things. The future version of you will be glad you learned from your mistakes and grew from your bets.
What’s been one of your main areas of growth this year?
Without a doubt, my biggest area of growth in the past 12 months has been in prioritizing myself. It has been a challenge to believe in myself and the leaps of faith that I am taking in my life, but I do not want to be hesitant or second-guess the decisions that I make. If I were to be hit by a truck tomorrow morning, I want to know that I did everything I wanted to do the day before. I want to be proud of who I was when I leave this world, and that begins with being proud of myself while I still am here. Growing up, my environment and community constantly compared us with one another, creating an extremely low sense of self-esteem in me despite any of the accomplishments or achievements I had. I was raised to believe that I could never be good enough so I would need to work endlessly on improving myself. Though I may never be able to completely divorce myself from the past and the habits ingrained in me, I hope to slowly but surely build up that broken self-esteem from the younger version of me. I want to be able to accept compliments gracefully and forgive myself when things don’t turn out how I want them to. I’m already so proud of myself and the growing faith I have in me everyday.
Contact Info:
- Website: karepango.com
Image Credits
Andrew Ye
