We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Emma Bouthillette. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Emma below.
Emma, we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
As someone who has been fat my entire life, it took me well into my thirties to find my confidence. At the age of five, I was diagnosed with a craniopharyngioma — a benign brain tumor that was removed during an eleven-hour surgery. The procedure was successful in removing the tumor, but damage to my optical nerve and pituitary resulted in a loss of left peripheral vision and significant hormonal imbalances that I have managed with various medication since 1991. By my late twenties, I had worked with numerous nutritionists and physical trainers, and tried everything shy of weight loss surgery. Every attempt to change my diet and exercise more resulted in some weight loss, and then a plateau I could never push past. Eventually, I would give up out of frustration and the weight would return twofold. When I was tagged in a photo on Facebook in October 2014, I had been on a hiatus from any form of diet or exercise routine for nearly two years. I had a visceral reaction to what I saw. The side profile captured the full width of my large arms, the roundness of my cheeks and chin, the flatness of my breasts compared with my belly. I was either mid-sentence or mid-laugh, but my mouth was open, and I hated how that looked. Someone commented on how good I looked in the photo, but I simply couldn’t see it. I stared at that picture in defeat and disgust. And then a little voice in the recesses of my mind chimed in: Instead of tearing yourself apart, could you find one thing you like about this image? So, I reassessed and decided that my hair looked particularly pretty that day. From that moment on, I challenged myself to respond to images of my likeness with at least one positive attribute, rather than spiral down through all the negative details. It was a slow, difficult evolution towards self-love; each photo was an opportunity to boost my self-esteem and build confidence. A decade later, I still practice this exercise. With filters and photoshop and AI-generated images now dominating the internet, it is still very easy to fall prey to criticizing one’s appearance when everything else on the internet appears so perfect. But this small shift in how I compliment myself is the root of the confidence I embody today.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
My professional path was likely set in my childhood, navigating the keyboard of an old typewriter at my grandfather’s house, pretending to dash off a novel like E.B. White’s famed Charlotte’s Web. My avid reading habit inspired me to write and the seed of authorship was planted at a young age. In 2017,
I published my first book, A Brief History of Biddeford (The History Press), telling the story of my hometown from settlement to present day. In 2018, I began work as a content marketing specialist for a national environmental engineering firm, telling stories about how the company protects the world in which we live. Finding this job that allows me to do what I love was a decade in the making, having graduated college with a degree in English literature at the height of the Great Recession. It is, as one of my mentors likes to say, what buys the kibble for my two corgis. Meanwhile, I am stealing hours in the early morning and on weekends to write my second book. This time, a memoir. The title is to be determined, though I have my thoughts on what it should be. What I hope to share is a coming of body story that unfurled as conversations about body positivity and radical body acceptance grew louder in mainstream culture. This has required me to sift through memories from my childhood, teens, and early twenties and weaving in more recent revelations of my body, how it functions differently, and stepping towards fierce compassion for myself inspired by several fat activists and my personal yoga practice. I don’t have an agent or a book deal (yet), but I am feeling called to put my story down on paper and share it with the world in hopes to inspire others to love themselves as they are. The freedom that I found leaning into confidence and self-esteem and embracing every inch of me is something I want to share with others.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I have been practicing yoga since 2016 and teaching yoga since 2018, with a deep connection to the lineage of the practice. It’s common in Western culture to see yoga as a workout, but asana — flowing between physical postures on a mat — is just one aspect of the eight-limbed approach. Another aspect is the yamas, essentially a moral code for life off the mat. This includes things like compassion, kindness, joy, nonviolence, honesty, and self-restraint. There are many qualities I possess that have led to my success thus far in life. However, the qualities I have gained from studying yogic philosophy, meditation, and asana feel like the key to unlocking this next level of life. Leading with a kind, compassionate heart and the knowledge that we are all suffering from something has shifted my perspective in so many ways. I honestly owe a lot of this evolution to reading 10% Happier by former Good Morning America news anchor Dan Harris. It’s the book that got me through the doors of the yoga studio where I did my teacher training and now teach. While it may not lead everyone down that path, it’s a good read and a good explanation into why a meditation practice, rooted in the eight-limbed path of yoga, can improve the journey even if just by ten percent.
Before we go, maybe you can tell us a bit about your parents and what you feel was the most impactful thing they did for you?
My parents were dealt a tough hand when they rushed me — their only child who was just five — to Boston Children’s Hospital for brain surgery the next day. They were the ones who had to sign the lengthy surgical release that outlined every possible outcome, which included everything from minor chronic conditions to total paralysis or death. So, when I wobbled out of the hospital a week later, it was a sigh of relief. There were hurdles I would have to overcome, but no insurmountable roadblocks ahead. And despite the many return trips to Boston Children’s Hospital for follow-up testing and well visits, my parents tried to give me the most normal childhood possible. They challenged me to do my best in everything I pursued and in turn, have offered their unwavering support. I know there were times they questioned me — dropping out of my first semester at college, declaring a major in English literature when I started at a new school for the spring semester, opting to be laid off during the third round of buy outs in my two-year tenure at the daily newspaper without a job lined up, every new tattoo I show up with. However, they empower me to make my decisions and believe in me regardless. Knowing that they always have my back and their desire for my happiness has always been my true north. I still live in my hometown of Biddeford, Maine, and in my mom’s retirement, she is working a couple hours a week at a friend’s boutique downtown. Just the other day, almost everyone who came in the shop asked her, “are you Emma’s mom?” She made me laugh when she told me this, but ended with “it’s okay, because I love being Emma’s mom.” While I have become so well known in the community that that my parents have become “Emma’s mom and dad” instead of Diane and Peter, it is a testament to my parents’ love and support because without them, none of my success would be possible.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://emmabouthillette.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/emmabootsie/
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/emmabootsie/
- Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/emmabouthillette/
- Other: A Brief History of Biddeford – https://www.arcadiapublishing.com/products/9781467136143
Image Credits
Jenn Ferguson Photos (headshot and family photo)
Patrick Quinn-Paquet Photography (Yoga Reaches Out)
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
