Meet Evelyn Smith

We recently connected with Evelyn Smith and have shared our conversation below.

Evelyn, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.

I think it really boils down to solidifying one’s self image. Like a lot of mental health issues, confidence isn’t something you can just “fix” overnight, but when you learn to recognize the source of those negative whispers in your head, and that they’re coming from a place of trauma or hurt rather than an objective reality, you start learning how to knock them back into their holes instead of letting them loom over you.

For me, I started to realize that constant questioning of my own merits was creating this constant social anxiety that was affecting me on this really daily level. And when I realize I’m dealing with something so deeply rooted, I’ve learned to sort of take a step back and ask myself “Okay, where and when was I taught this?” because often these kind of life-altering core beliefs tend to start with this one experience in, say, Kindergarten, and your impressionable child mind just internalized it as “I guess this is how the world works.”

And as I started sort of “unraveling that thread” in my mind, I started to see how it all came back to this handfull of experiences that had caused me to internalize when I’d been told that I was undesirable, that I didn’t know what I was doing, etc. So I was then going into every situation with the presupposition that others were going to process me through that lens, and I was just waiting for them to “find me out”. Ironically, I think the wake-up call for me was that by projecting this kind of self-judgement onto others, I was presenting myself to them as this very awkward, wretched thing and giving people who had given me nothing but support no choice but to judge me, basically unfairly forcing them into that role. Unfortunately, I think sometimes we’re willing to subject ourselves to a lot more than we should, but the point where it starts affecting those we care about is what finally makes us see how damaging our beliefs are.

The good news is, though, once you begin to break these assumptions down, you pretty much have free-rein to build your self image back up. Something about seeing how much of your own negative self-image you were able to project into reality ironically becomes really empowering as it reminds you how much control your internal thoughts have over your external reality. It can literally be a process of taking a notepad and describing the person you want to be seen as, and when those negative thoughts come you learn to first call them out for the projection they are, and then to “ground” yourself in this healthier image. I know it’s something I struggled with at first because it really does just feel like you’re lying to yourself, but you lied to yourself for years about the negatives and made those a reality, so it is just a matter of coming back and building up that new self image until it solidifies into something that doesn’t shake when the proverbial storm comes.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?

So my name is Evelyn, and I am a filmmaker, podcaster, Twitch streamer, and occasional actress.
I think if there’s a single unifying “thread” across all my work, it’s an appreciation for the forgotten or unseen. Ever since I was very young, growing up alongside things like “Mystery Science Theater 3000”, I’ve been very enamored with cult & “B-movies”. Something about the idea of a piece of media that so many people came together to create, and that could have so many really interesting things to say getting disregarded by history just because it happened to be a bit campy or rough around the edges has always been crazy to me, and there’s a certain rush I get digging up these hidden gems of cinema to share. The name of my podcast, “Movies After Midnight” came from the Lon Cheney film “London After Midnight”, which is itself lost media, with no surviving traces of the actual film, and I thought it captured that romantic notion of lost film history. On Twitch, as “EvieOverride”, I’m a lot more video game focused, but it’s still that guiding principle of “Hey, look at this game you’ve probably never seen!”

It has been interesting how as my life went on, though, I did find a way to “plug in” that passion to something with more sort of gravity. Because I’ve always really come from a light hearted place of “this seems fun”. But after I came out as transgender, it unlocked a lot of social awareness I’m a little embarrassed to admit I lacked beforehand, and especially in terms of the queer community, there is so much media that’s been completely sidelined and forgotten, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that cult cinema and camp are themselves a huge part of queer culture, because these “weirdo” areas of cult and nerd culture have always been the “safe place” for people who don’t necessarily fit the social norm, and realizing that was a great full-circle moment in my journey both as a trans woman and as a creative.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

I’m always reminded of this episode of the 1990’s Rescue Heroes cartoon and this quote about “Perseverance, perseverance, and perseverance!” I think we get sort of conditioned to think of failure as this really horrible terrible thing, but literally the only difference between failure and a setback is whether you keep going. Sometimes it’s like hitting your head against a rock over and over, but even the rock will give eventually. Just an example of my own journey, I’m currently going “back to school” and pursuing my MFA at UCLA, a film program historically known to have a 1% acceptance rate. Before admission, I had applied multiple times to other schools and been rejected several years in a row. And for a while I really did internalize this idea that I’d failed and just needed to give up on school, but it really was just a matter of realizing I could try again and rework my approach as many times as I had to.

Aside from that, I think curiosity and willingness to learn can get you so much farther than we think. I genuinely believe that there’s not actually much difference between what we identify as “smart” vs “not smart” aside from just being receptive to new things, ideas, and experiences. I think I’m known among friends and family as this kind of fount of obscure and disparate trivia or knowledge, but that random patchwork of things; a music genre here, a trip I took there, a play I saw Freshman year of high school, etc. all sort of felt like frivolous “dead ends” at the time, but you start building this library of experience and information over time, and some of those “dead ends” have gotten me jobs or made me social connections I’d never have imagined at the time.

Lastly I really just think it’s important to romanticize your life as much as possible, even in the little things. And I know I’ve heard that advice during some really low points in my life, and basically thought “That’s easy to say, but there is literally nothing about my life worth enjoying right now.” But I think it’s during those points that it’s the most important to “find your own joy”. Maybe you hear a song you like on the radio, maybe you’re really looking forward to the sandwich you packed for lunch, maybe someone cute smiled at you one time. I think you need to have that mindset that you deserve joy, and take it wherever you can find it.

Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?

It’s almost contradictory, because in one way I owe basically everything I’ve done to the help and support of so many people. But at the same time, there is only one person who can really save you from your problems or help you grow into who you want to be, and that’s the person you see in the mirror each morning.

I think of my family who really taught me to have that openness & curiosity, and to never give up once I’ve set my mind to something. But then I also think of some of my best, closest friends who simply gave me the room to be “me”, and helped me feel comfortable making these drastic changes to myself in terms of style, gender presentation, etc because I knew I’d be accepted regardless.

But, to use maybe a somewhat odd analogy, those relationships can give you support and feed you the “ammo” to be successful, but it’s still up to you to actually fire and hit the target. In my younger years, I was held back by a lot of self-loathing due to not living up to these unrealistic expectations I had in my head, and it was this magical “aha” moment one day when I looked at the self I’d spent so much energy talking down and realized she was the one person who’d be with me through everything, and that “we” could be partners instead of adversaries. And I think more than anything, learning to show myself that love and support that I’d been looking for from others has been what’s propelled me through every hard time and toward every achievement I’ve ever experienced.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/evieoverride/profilecard/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
• Youtube: https://YouTube.com/@evieoverride
• Other: You can find me on Twitch:
  Twitch.tv/evieoverride

  And for my podcast: open.spotify.com/show/40HZIkvhwduzmZIxw6T1Gt