Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Gena Scurry. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Gena, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
This is an interesting question. There are a few places I’ve gotten resilience.
One is my dad. When he taught me how to ride a bike, he put me on a bicycle and pushed me down hill. On the way down he said “pedal backwards for the breaks”. I thought everyone learned that way. That’s how I learned everything, riding horses, skiing, driving a car.
My dad’s true love was horse backriding. There are two lessons I learned from my dad:
1. Look fear in the face and do it anyhow
2. When you fall off a horse the first thing you must do is get right back on.
The other area is through mediation.
About 10 years ago was I going through a divorce. My kids were very young 2 and 4 years old. Divorce was the last thing I ever wanted. Since I had already lived through my parents’ divorce, I knew this moment would define much of my life. As in any crisis, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions, fear, anger, sadness, confusion, depression, resignation, resentment. You name it. I had it. And… I also knew even with all these emotions I needed to be crystal clear.
With that a book came to mind that a friend recommended a few years back called the “Presence Process” by Michael Brown.
It was a book that was very difficult for me to read. Let’s just say it wasn’t a page turner. It talked about “integrating unintegrated childhood emotions”. Whatever that meant. It had a 10 week meditation practice which I had tried to do a couple years before when my mom was dying. I was not successful!
The mediation required sitting quietly twice a day for 15 minutes a session, once in the morning and once in the evening synchronizing inhales and exhales to the phrase “I am here now in this”.
The first time I sat to meditate, 5 minutes felt like an eternity. Then I never tried it again, until I picked up the book for the 2nd time when I was on the brink of divorce. At that time I had everything at stake. I started reading the book and following the 10 week meditation to a T.
The book said not to blame others or situations for the feelings I was having, and my job was to continue focusing on feeling.
Michael Brown in his book writes, we don’t shoot the mailman for bringing the mail, so when these feeling arise with people or situations in our lives, they are like the mailman bringing the mail. Our job is to feel it.
The 1st time I integrated an emotion. I recall my husband (who within 1 year would be my ex-husband) coming home and I started feeling something growing inside me. My typically way of reacting is to be passive aggressive. Then in that moment I remembered Michael Brown’s words of “what I’m feeling has nothing to do with the person or situation I am in”. So I excused myself. I walked up stairs, sat down and began meditating, synchronizing my inhales and exhales to I AM HERE NOW. The emotion built, my hands tingled, then I open my eyes. After 20 minutes I walked back downstairs and the situation looked totally different. It dawned on me “I just integrated an emotion”. From that moment onward, I decided no matter what happens I’m going to follow this book and integrate as many unintegrated childhood emotions as possible.
That year, I read the book about 9 times and did the ten week meditation 3 times.
Since then, I’ve integrated many unintegrated emotions, the one I remember most is depression. To be honest I didn’t know I had severe depression until my therapist brought it to my attention. I was considering getting help from a psychiatrist. I was on a waiting list. While I waited I continued following the meditation.
I remember the night, I was home alone and felt this wave of emotion come over me. I called my therapist and she did not answer. I decided to pull out my meditation pillow and started meditating synchronizing my inhales and exhales. I place my focus on feeling the physical sensations. The emotion built and built, tears ran down my cheeks, then it went away. I open my eyes and in that moment I knew LIFE would never be the same. When I saw my therapist next she said, she has never seen anyone heal themselves of severe depression as I did.
I know this sounds so cheesy and whoo whoo, but that’s what happened. I eventually did divorce and wrote a letter with my vision for co-parenting. You can find it here:
What I wish my own mom and dad had done differently (regarding their divorce)?
I’ve re-read The Presence Process and done the meditation once a year since then. It has helped me in so many ways. I’m a better person and parent because of that work and I’m grateful for the circumstances that finally caused me to pick up the book and follow-through on the mediation.
What did I get? I got freedom and I got I could TRUST myself and God, universe, source. No matter how hard life got or how hard I fell, I could go back to that process.
I also want you to know I’m still deathly afraid of depression and at times struggle with it but it’s different. I’m always discovering new ways to view it.
The last part of my resilience I credit to being surrounded by empowering people who are capable of hearing my dreams and holding them over time. These individuals have facility with life and difficult emotions. For me they are guides where I can speak the truth. I thank God for bringing them into my life everyday.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Over Coffee is my 2nd game.
It’s funny, during that time of meditation I also asked “How am I going to make the money work?” The answer that came to mind was to build a game. I’d never built or played games before, but I gave myself three years. Now, I’m about to enter year 10. My first game, “Spanish Over Coffee,” was bilingual, embodying my previous work of teaching adults Spanish. Eventually, I removed the Spanish, and “Over Coffee,” a new way to communicate, was born.
I didn’t realize what I had. I produced 500 copies in the U.S. and thought I was done. Then the games sat in my TV room for two months. Being an introvert, I finally had a potluck with friends to play the game. They loved it, and I felt closer to them after playing, though only a few games were sold.
Friends can only do so much, so I started monthly potlucks, inviting everyone—mailman, baristas, neighbors, gym acquaintances, and even strangers from coffee shops and theaters. They’d bring others, and strangers regularly came to my house to play.
The results blew me away. People said things like:
– “My soul feels recharged”
– “OMG I had a real conversation tonight”
– “I shared something I hadn’t in 20 years, only my husband knew.”
I realized Over Coffee was more than a game. It’s a profound, interactive structure with specific rules that allow diverse people to hear each other. It’s safe, non-threatening, and fun, making people feel connected.
The game teaches new communication structures, helping us to truly listen to each other.
Currently:
1. I hold monthly potlucks where anyone can play Over Coffee.
2. I facilitate Over Coffee sessions with large organizations to build group cohesion.
3. I open myself to exploring and doing anything that will expose more people to Over Coffee.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
One of the greatest strengths of being an innovator, entrepreneur, creator is to be naive.
If you are inspire, say “Yes”.
Don’t think about it.
For me that inspiration is God talking or God breathing life into you.
You don’t need to know everything.
Follow the bread crumbs.
Get yourself in a pickle. Stick with it.
There will be moments, where you have to let go of what you know. For me I equate it to letting go of the shore. You have to keep swimming even if you can’t see the other shore. Eventually the other shore will show up.
Stick with it and it’s always ok to quit and let that dream go.
A lot of these endeavors are long shots and they are a hell of a lot of fun.
Have fun. Don’t get too serious.
(If you knew of all the trials and tribulations you would never jump).
All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?
The number one challenge I’m face with every day is:
Characterizing what my product really is. Although it is packaged as a conversational card game, it is much more than that.
The closest I can come to is:
Over Coffee Games is much more than card game; it is a unique experience that builds teams,
deepens emotional bonds, and teaches inquisitive listening. It is a profound interactive structure with
specific rules and boundaries that leads to people (especially people of different backgrounds)
being able to actually hear the other person and to be heard themselves. Over Coffee is a non-
threatening, supportive, friendly and fun. The ultimate result is people who play or participate
are left present to their shared humanity.
It’s an event.
It’s transformational.
It opens up human connection that we all really want and need.
There is no recognition of what this is, until they (people) do it.
It’s kind of like people can’t explain a new dish. But if they eat it, they get it.
When people play be it with people they have known for years or someone they just met , all of the sudden they are present to their affinity for people. They are present to our shared humanity.
All labels and judgements are left behind. Or as one lady said “labels are obliterated by this game, we are just connecting as people”.
How am I overcoming this?
I getting as many people as possible to play it.
One friend says I’m a country singer who plays in every dive bar until it catches on.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.OverCoffeeGames.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/overcoffeegames/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/OverCoffeeGames
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gena-scurry-overcoffeegames/
Image Credits
Gena Scurry
so if you or someone you know deserves recognition please let us know here.
