Meet Grace Stuart

Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Grace Stuart. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Hi Grace, really happy you were able to join us today and we’re looking forward to sharing your story and insights with our readers. Let’s start with the heart of it all – purpose. How did you find your purpose?

My purpose comes from overcoming a very difficult period of time in my life that I never thought I would escape, and knowing that there are millions of other women living through the same nightmare who are desperate for the answers that sometimes only another survivor can put into words.

I am a survivor of domestic violence and my passion is putting words to the victim’s experience and giving them the gift of feeling sane and grounded even just for a moment. What people don’t realize is that so much of the trauma from abusive relationships actually comes from the confusion the perpetrator creates and from the way they make you doubt your own sanity.

The way I approach my advocacy is mainly through storytelling and personal experience because I believe it can be life-giving to the person who feels completely alone and “crazy”. I believe that when there is a high level of manipulation happening, it is crucial to be able to identify the patterns, the exact phrases, and the tactics the perpetrator uses so that you can learn to trust your own instincts and know that you are seeing it perfectly correctly.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I am a DV advocate through social media, a podcast host, and I offer 1:1 support helping women understand how insidious the cycle of abuse can be and bringing them relief through validation and compassion. The most special part to me about what I do is seeing how much of a difference it makes when a victim discovers this is not their fault, that they did nothing to cause this, and be able to see when they truly start to believe that.

When I started my domestic violence advocacy journey in October of 2023 through TikTok, I never imagined that millions of people would be impacted from one single post. After that, I continued to speak from the heart every single day and built multiple social media communities where we talk about all of the intricate details that make it so challenging to break free from the cycle. Five months later, I started my own podcast called Why She Stayed which is aimed at taking the focus off of the question “why doesn’t she just leave?” and uncovers what is actually going on inside of abusive relationships that causes the victim to become so entangled.

I have a strong interest in helping women who have experienced sexual violence as part of the cycle of abuse as well as those who feel bonded to their perpetrator through something we call “traumatic bonding” where you feel that the same person who harmed you, is also the only one who can take the pain away. People from the outside underestimate the strength this dynamic can have over someone, and this is one of the many reasons why it takes an average of 7 times for someone to leave their abuser permanently.

I operate on the belief that details matter to the victim who is in the abusive relationship. They want the hard questions answered, and they want to be absolutely positive they are making the right decision when they are trying to decide whether to stay or go. Their abuser convinces them every single day that they don’t know what they’re talking about, and that they’ve got it all wrong. I, on the other hand, believe they deserve to be convinced that they’ve got it perfectly right, that their instincts are trustworthy, and they are worth so much more than this. Right now I offer 1:1 sessions via Zoom through social media and plan to expand that over time along side my podcast which you can find on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

Looking back, the three aspects that have been most impactful for me on my journey are relatability, beginning with the listener or viewer in mind, and having a strong understanding of emotional abuse and coercive control.

Relatability is everything when it comes to the topic I speak on because people are in need of content that speaks to the complex things they are actually thinking and feeling on a day-to-day basis. They want a place where they can take a breath of fresh air and feel validated that their fears in walking away from this person are valid and totally normal.

Beginning with the listener or viewer in mind is another concept that has helped me stay true to what I’m doing. Before I record an episode for my podcast, I always think of the person who is driving in their car listening, or who throws in their headphones when they get a quick break and need something to help them stay strong that day. I think about the person scrolling on social media who feels overloaded by terminology and just wants their experience put into simpler terms. When I begin with this in mind, it helps me to draw from my own personal experience and speak from the heart instead of trying to be perfect or avoid every little mistake along the way.

Lastly, having a strong understanding of emotional abuse and coercive control has been essential because people are finding so much pain in what you actually cannot see. Coercive control is all about the subtle manipulation that goes on underneath the surface of every abusive relationship that leaves a victim thinking “I feel constantly hurt and confused by them, and yet I can’t even pinpoint why”. In order to understand any form of abuse, it’s crucial to first understand that it’s all about one individual maintaining control over another in subtle ways that can often go completely unseen.

My advice for anyone wanting to break out into advocacy is to be true to who you are and don’t feel pressured to use specific language that you see all over social media. Don’t feel pressured to make everything aesthetically perfect or think you need to do everything just like everyone else does. Say what YOU believe to be true, because the message is what matters, and if you speak from the heart it will reach the exact people who need to hear it.

I should also add that I believe we learn by doing when it comes to starting something new rather than trying to absorb every ounce of knowledge before jumping in. When I started my podcast this past March, I had a very simple microphone, a laptop, and no idea where it would go, but I started speaking on what I knew to be true and about the intricate topics that I knew people would help women all over the world. Of course there is a lot planning that goes into everything I do, but if I could give one piece of advice it is to just start!

Alright so to wrap up, who deserves credit for helping you overcome challenges or build some of the essential skills you’ve needed?

A year ago, I was not doing any of this work yet, so it’s safe to say my life has changed a lot over the past year and with that comes adjustments along the way. The people who have been most helpful in helping me overcome challenges are the very same people I pour into daily which are my followers who support one another so kindly, my podcast listeners, and my closest friends who have answered the phone when I have had my own tough moments.

Speaking on the topics I share requires putting myself back into those personal experiences constantly, and yet I learn so much from the women in my social media communities every single day who bravely share their stories with me and who make strong attempts to leave their situation even when they are still full of uncertainty.

There is so much that you don’t see happening, and any time I get a hate comment or a really awful message, I remember the women who say to me “wow, I needed to hear this today” or “I feel seen, thank you” or “I found the courage to leave my situation because of your podcast”. That is what makes it all worth it to me.

If I could give one piece of advice to anyone looking to start something they are passionate about, I would say to shift your mindset from “I have nothing to offer, it won’t make any difference” to “I have real value to offer, and I’m so excited to share it” this is what I say to myself any time I do something that feels scary or when self-doubt creeps in. I shift that doubtful energy into excitement that I will be making a difference for at least one person today.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @gracestuart26
• Other: TikTok: @gracestuart

  My podcast link: https://open.spotify.com/show/50X15TNxNbYeyZfLV4x0Bi (also Streaming on Apple Podcasts)