We recently connected with Hannah Elder and have shared our conversation below.
Hannah, we’re thrilled to have you on our platform and we think there is so much folks can learn from you and your story. Something that matters deeply to us is living a life and leading a career filled with purpose and so let’s start by chatting about how you found your purpose.
I’ve spent years and years worrying about and trying to decode my life’s purpose. I thought I was missing out on some huge quest when it seemed like everyone else had theirs figured out. I thought being an actor was my purpose, then it was volunteering internationally, then it was teaching yoga, then it was becoming a death doula. But all of those things are jobs, not something deeper that was motivating me. When I learned to zoom out and look at the bigger picture, I was able to see the underlying values that connected me to my interests. Community, creativity, connection, adventure, and being of service. When I’m in alignment with those core values, I feel fulfilled and grounded. When I get wrapped up in my status or my bank account or what other people are doing, I start to question my purpose. I have to remember that being a living, breathing human on this planet at this moment is enough. Remembering my mortality, that all of this someday will end, helps me stay connected to my purpose. In dominant Western culture, we put way too much emphasis on our careers and how to “earn a living” (which is a bleak phrase to begin with) but what’s really going to matter when I look back on my life? Not how much money I made or how many people I impressed. It’s how I move through the world, how I show up for others, how I connect with my community and the world at large. It’s almost like I found my purpose by finally letting go of some perfect idea of it.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
It’s overused in the wellness world but to put it simply, I’m holding space. Whether I’m acting with a scene partner or leading a public yoga class or sitting bedside with someone who’s dying, it’s rare in our modern culture to just sit with what’s in front of us without judging or expecting or rushing onto the next thing. I’m most excited about my role as a death doula because the response, when I mention it, has gone from “I’ve never heard of that,” to, “Oh my friend just sent me an article/podcast/IG post about that” which means we’re slowly making our way towards a more death-positive (and hopefully someday, death-neutral) society. Death doulas (think birth doulas) offer non medical support that can range from end of life planning to sitting bedside and holding vigil to educating about the dying experience to helping with home funerals or other important rituals. We live in a deeply death-phobic culture even though it’s the one thing we all have in common (which I think is deeply tied to capitalism and our attachment to “doing”). Last year I started hosting death awareness workshops where I guide participants through a death meditation, journaling and discussions, and we usually end with some end of life planning paperwork. There are so many ways to approach the end of life – physically, emotionally, spiritually, logistically – and when we avoid the topic altogether, we miss out on so many opportunities to dig deeper and connect with what’s really important. We plan and talk openly about every other aspect of our lives – our jobs, our vacations, our hobbies, our families – why not embrace death and all that comes with it? We tend to think of death as morbid and depressing (we even have to preface the topic with, “Not to be a downer but…”) and while it is absolutely life altering for those left behind, and can be scary and uncomfortable for the one experiencing it, there’s also a lot of levity and hope and joy and acceptance if we make space for it.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I wouldn’t be where I am now without getting sober in 2014. Even if drinking or drug use isn’t an issue for you, my life drastically changed when I committed to a deeper spiritual practice and really examined my motives, my expectations, and my reactions. I stopped hiding and coping in ways that were unhealthy (and dangerous and quite frankly, mortifying). Sobriety has been a huge awakening for me and I feel open and aware and grounded and grateful.
In 2012, I left a toxic work environment and volunteered in Morocco for three months, not realizing my work there would lay the foundation for my life now, over a decade later. There was some unconscious white savior complex at play in retrospect, but what made me really take the leap was being reminded by a friend that not everyone is interested in the same things (thank god!). What makes me light up might make someone else cringe. So if you’re drawn to do something, remember not everyone feels the same way. Listen to that inner voice.
To quote Lao Tzu, “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” In the world of social media and “30 Under 30” lists, it’s so easy to slip into compare and despair mode and feeling like you’re way behind. I find the most freedom when I move away from other peoples’ expectations or timelines and trust that things will unfold how and when they’re supposed to (not necessarily the way I want them to). I feel like I’ve lived at least four different lives since leaving home at 17 and I used to feel insecure about that, like I didn’t have enough focus or ambition to “make it” in one area, but I look back from where I am and I’m so proud of the things I’ve done and the people I’ve met and the places I’ve been. Spending more time with people at the end of life, it’s become clearer that most people just wish they’d spent more time with their loved ones, been more present, and not worried so much. I try to keep that in mind.
I also think everyone should be required to work in hospitality or retail at some point.
What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
Imposter syndrome is a sneaky little friend! In different areas of my life, whether acting or teaching yoga or being a death doula, I feel like someone’s going to call me out for being a fraud. For not being well-trained or having some exact, specific experience. In reality, I’m usually holding myself to some wildly unrealistic expectation and I can look to other areas of my life where I do feel more secure and remember how I felt when I was uncomfortable. Everyone has been new at something at some point. It’s easy to look at the finished product and assume it always looked that way. I try to use my imposter syndrome to see honestly where I need to focus. Am I lacking in community, in education, in practice? Where can I ask for guidance or just an honest, unbiased opinion? Something I come back to (even as an agnostic) is the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It’s that last part that requires the most effort.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.hannahelder.com/
- Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/elderdaughterdeathdoula
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hannahelder/
Image Credits
Lauren Randolph Hannah Pittel Leah Huebner Heath Orchard
