Meet Hope Mirlis

We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Hope Mirlis. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Hope below.

Hi Hope, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?

When you’ve started over as many times as I have, you have to be resilient.

When I was in college, I was unhappy with just about everything. My environment, my friend circle, my advisors. So my smart and forward thinking mother asked me to pick 2 cities and look for other schools. And off we went. A few months later, I was a northerner in the South. A college Junior starting over. New environment, new friends, new major.

Fast forward 16 years. I had thriving career in the arts, but I had started to plateau. The only thing keeping me in town was my business, but things with my business partner started to unravel. A close friend floated the idea of leaving the company and I knew if I was leaving, I really didn’t want to stay in town. So I found a mid-career masters program all the way across the country that gave me a full ride. I sold my condo, and got on a plane with my 2 cats. A woman in her 30s starting over. New environment, new friends, new life.

Unfortunately when I graduated from masters program, we were in a recession. I couldn’t get a job in academia, and all of the artistic positions and roles were low paying. There was no support from my advisors, so I picked up administrative work as I could. And then one day, one of my classmates asked me to officiate her wedding. I said “no.” But she wore me down. I realized that I needed to be there for my friend in whatever way my friend needed me. Once I performed that first ceremony, I was like “wow, this could be something.” I started the ordination process online the very next day.

It took me 2 years to create my practice. Figure out what I wanted my business to look like, and create a premarital counseling program. However, it was clear that West Coast life was not for me. So I sold or gave away all of my furniture, loaded my cats in the carriers and moved back to the Northeast. To start again. It was the easiest tradition. Maybe because my family was here or maybe because I was stepping into my calling. But in any case it was a new environment, with new friends, and a new business.

I recently did a little research on my Chinese zodiac sign as I prepared for a Lunar New Year’s party. I knew I born in the year of the pig, but I was introduced to the elements attached a few years ago.

“The Metal Pig is more ambitious and determined than some of the other types of pig. They are tough, lively and enjoy being involved in a wide variety of different activities.
The Pig is a hard worker and is respected for their reliability and integrity. In their early years, they will try their hand at several different jobs but will usually be happiest where they feel that they are being of service to others.”
Wow, that’s spot on.
So perhaps my resilience comes from my birth year, or perhaps my smart and forward thinking mother. But with every move, every pivot I knew that I had to persevere. There was always something new to learn and experience. So if you are stuck or unhappy, please take it from me. You can always start over.

Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?

I started A More Perfect Union in 2011. I like to think of it as a holistic wedding company, as I am a wedding officiant, premarital counselor and offer a yoga & meditation practice for weddings. I guide couples around the country during their engagement period through the wedding day. From the “Yes” to the “I do,” I like to say.

I am very fortunate because I am with couples during a time of transition and growth. They are learning more about their partners and more about themselves. Most people leave school between 18 and 21, and don’t really prioritize learning after that. I love being able to guide couples to discuss the expectations of their marriage to create a fulfilling partnership. Since divorce is so prevalent in our society, it’s nice to be able to focus on commitment and satisfaction.

In terms of the ceremony, it’s the shortest part of the day, but I believe it’s the most important. Yes, I know I am hugely biased here. So I work with couples to know what’s most important to them, so I can tell their story and share a piece of their love with their closest friends and family.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

The skills that were most impactful for me were

1. Fearlessness
2. Asking for help
3. Being a Strong Communicator

When I was younger, I rarely censored myself. I don’t mean I was reckless, but when I wanted something I found a way to get it. As we get older, we start to come up with reasons why we can’t or shouldn’t do things. Perhaps it’s because others have told us such or perhaps it’s because we just psych ourselves out. What happens if we are all a little more fearless?

I am stubborn and willful. I also like to show my worth and strength. So it’s rare that I ask for help. However it builds community and vulnerability. And for the most part, people like helping. It may not be how you want it, but that community may surprise you.

Many times my premarital counseling couples want their partners to know what they need. Over and over I remind them that their partner is not a mind reader. If you are not getting what you want, you need to ask for it. If there are preferences or expectation, you need to learn how to share those.

To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?

The most impactful thing my parents did was to show me the world. We went to the movies and to the theater. We went to sporting events and fairs. We traveled as a family once a year. It allowed me to see there was life outside our small town. There were people with other points of view and other things to see.

Image Credits

Ryon/Lockhart
Tori Petrillo
Hyde Photography
Justin McCallum
Bo Shim
Redfield Photography
Hey Karis
Amber Photography