We recently connected with Jacob De Guzman-Lawson and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Jacob, thank you so much for opening up with us about some important, but sometimes personal topics. One that really matters to us is overcoming Imposter Syndrome because we’ve seen how so many people are held back in life because of this and so we’d really appreciate hearing about how you overcame Imposter Syndrome.
Well, you’ve got to believe in yourself. I know that sounds overly platitudinous, but it’s true. You’ve got to not just be able to tolerate criticism, you kind of have to run towards it, you know what I mean? Like, if you’re overly worried about what everyone else is going to make of the stuff you do, then I think it’s time to pack it in and get the desk job. Been in too many conversations where everyone is wringing their hands over whether or not this is going to appeal to a wide enough audience. I get why people feel the need to talk like that and it’s not entirely unimportant, but that can’t be the tail that wags the whole dog. All the artists I respect have had that singular vision and anyone that gets in the way can take a flying leap. Nobody ever set the world on fire by trying not to bother anybody. I’m not the kind of guy to recommend looking for a fight, but I do perversely enjoy dividing audiences. Don’t really want everyone to like what I do at the end of the day. This must make me sound extremely difficult, but there you have it.
In March, my team and I put on a Spaghetti Western take on Macbeth which was a resounding success in all areas but seemed to go down like a lead zeppelin with diehard Shakespeare fans. They seemed to take issue with the setting, to say nothing of the fact that we made the Macbeths lesbians and cut about 30 odd pages from the text outright. I can see their point, but also don’t really care. I’ll take the dig over sticking everyone in Medieval clothes and having to paint a Scottish moor on a sheet of plywood cause that’s all been done before. I’d rather watch someone swing for the fences and miss spectacularly than see the shot for shot remake of Psycho. We’re also about to finish up a short film I wrote and directed that’s in the style of those poorly dubbed foreign horror movies from the ‘70s. I shot the whole thing without sound and then phonetically changed the script afterwards so that the lips won’t match when all’s said and done. I remember everyone’s initial reaction being, “Excuse me, but I don’t fucking think so,” which in my mind let me know that I was onto something. During the sessions, we would do a couple takes per line and each time there would be one that was so insufferably bad that it made my co-producer physically wince. As soon as I saw that, I thought, “That’s the one I’m using.” Is it going to end up being unwatchable? Who knows? You tell me, man.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
Well, I grew up in a time where there wasn’t this just constant bombardment of information and content battering your brain 24/7 to keep you preoccupied. We had a personal computer, but it was chugging along at negative two miles per hour on Windows ‘95 and American Online screamed at you for about two years before you could actually log onto the net. Mobile phones were around but they were about the size of your shoes and made out of fucking concrete so good luck spending your day glued to that thing. You kind of had to forge your own way. For me, movies meant everything. They were the thing that I could not get enough of and did everything in my admittedly minor power to get my hands on as many as possible. Didn’t consider it work or study or any of that, but I guess it was.
Must have all started cause my folks were always putting stuff on for as far back as I can remember. There was never really a time when we weren’t just watching movies. Eclectic collection, too. Like in a day you’d go from Monty Python’s Holy Grail, to Predator around midday, finish with a Kurosawa movie at supper, and I’m four years old, you know what I mean? Now for better and for worse, my old fella would have these really long conversations with me about the movie afterwards, didn’t matter what it was. It used to bend my head because he was able to mine as much out of The 400 Blows as he did of Independence Day so there was no escaping it. It wasn’t just watching, it was thinking about tone and pacing and all that gear. Looking back on it, I’m not sure if I’d have decided to make movies without that kind of childhood. Seems almost inevitable now that I’m thinking about it. Don’t really remember having that thought, “Maybe I should make movies, too.” It was always just kind of there like an unspoken law of the universe. Great big M on the periodic table of elements right next to cadmium or whatever. We’re in the process of gearing up to shoot my first feature later this year, so it does feel like a vindication of a lifetime’s worth of obsessiveness. Sometimes I feel like I’m still not ready for it, but also time’s a wasting. I’m not getting any younger, so starters off the bench.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I think experimenting, perseverance, and doubling down on yourself. Being into movies is interesting because it’s not like music, you know what I mean? Like, you can pick up a guitar cause you want to be a rockstar and start learning House of the Rising Sun. Spend your whole life learning Hilton Valentine licks and pretending to be in the Animals. But you can’t practice being a director by making The Matrix, you know what I mean? You’ve got to go out and make your own and be all in on it. Find a camera, get your friends and family, and start kung fu fighting in the street. Which probably ends up looking a lot like the Matrix cause it’s what you’re into. But it’s not literally it, it’s yours even if it’s half borrowed. And slowly, you’ll start to realize what you’ve got to say versus what’s been said before. That ongoing negotiation between those two things is what it’s all about to me. Who really knows what the difference between borrowing and stealing, but I’ll take my odds. The hard part is having the patience to make enough of these things that you can finally get to the good bits. When I’m feeling a bit down on myself, my work ends up looking a bit like Frankenstein’s Monster. Then, when the sky clears, I end up thinking I can put a nice spin on things. But that’s what I am, I guess. At the end of the day, I’m not a genius. I’m a fan of geniuses and not a day goes by I don’t thank the Whatever in the sky that the shark from Jaws ate all those people in 1975. Don’t know what I’d have done if that didn’t happen, probably be off twiddling my thumbs somewhere in a daze.
It was pretty early on when I decided to have a go at it myself and not just keep talking about it. First movie I ever made was when I was thirteen and we were finishing up middle school. It was this fake film noir called Sunset Moon that was an obvious parody of detective tropes but also a secret parody of good-bad movies. We tried really hard to make mistakes on purpose to give the whole thing a Plan 9 sort of quality to it, with our own version of tombstones made of cardboard and UFOs being clearly hung by a string. In one supposedly pivotal scene, I was on the roof of the building getting arrested by the main character. We shot the whole thing in one day, but we brought three changes of clothes so every other shot we were wearing entirely different gear from head to toe. It made us laugh, but I think when all the parents ended up watching it at the assembly, they probably thought we were just a bunch of kids who didn’t know what they were doing. Not entirely untrue, I guess. For awhile after, I tried to make what I considered to be serious movies in a very calculated attempt at course correction. Thinking back on it now, I wouldn’t change a thing. In fact, If I could go back, I’d add even more mistakes.
All the wisdom you’ve shared today is sincerely appreciated. Before we go, can you tell us about the main challenge you are currently facing?
Time. I’m not the kind of guy that can just sit at the computer and force myself to bang out a script in a couple days. I have to wait for them to fall out of the sky. Could happen at any moment, really. Not to be too zen about the whole thing, but I do kind of believe that the stories are out there and you just have to go out and catch them. There’s so many things about writing that you can post hoc a reason for, and while I do like explaining the structure and form of the piece, at the end of the day some things have to happen that way just because they have to happen that way. It’s not up to me, you know what I mean? She walked into the room right them because she had to. Why’d she say that? Ask her. I bet if you sat in the corner and watched me write, it would really look like I was doing fuck all. “What’s he doing messing about with literally anything but the script?” Sounds like a cop out, but I’ve got to keep myself distracted. I swear the worst stuff I’ve ever written is when I’ve purposefully set out to write, it’s not like putting a hammer to a nail. I’ve spent hours at the computer just eating it. Next thing you know, I’ll be in the shower and the absolute perfect line will pop into my head. So time’s gotta do its thing. Best I can do is be ready for it when it happens. So I’ve been trying to behave myself and do helpful things like take a walk or listen to records. Maybe I’ll take up needlepoint next week, what can I say?
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.instagram.com/screwdriver.studio/?hl=en
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jdeguzmanlawson/?hl=en
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550284073979
Image Credits
Jesse Bronstein
Ethan Federico
Jacob de Guzman-Lawson
@sahaiwithani
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