We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jacque Arend. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Jacque below.
Jacque, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I struggled with this interview for months. Mainly because all of the questions at the time were hard for me to answer. A lot of questions about where you developed resilience, work ethic, optimism, generosity, how do you overcome imposter syndrome, finding purpose…. all these questions seemed like things you answer after success and I wasn’t feeling successful. I was feeling in-adequate at the time, like I couldn’t cut it, I was consumed by that feeling that I did not feel enough worth to address any of the above. “Who am I to talk about any of that?”
As you can imagine, not much confidence or a great deal of self-esteem. I had three long years of not being able to look many folks in the eye. We don’t have to get into all the lies I was telling myself, I’d rather look back on it as a long period of humbling myself so that I can be better for this moment of my life. However, to consider yourself having failed to show up when you needed to, is defeating, and unfortunately I did not have enough clarity to see where I shined. So I took some time to shine. Choosing to shine your light after having lost it is an interesting process, a loving one, where you must find the courage and give yourself the permission to try and be what you hope you can be. As fluid as life is, so can be this fantasy of ourselves. It takes courage to do many things in the hopes of it being right, only to find it isn’t. I spent a few years just trying things with very little confidence or understanding of what’s truly motivating me. I processed a lot trying to visit old fantasies and what I truly want out of life. Meanwhile, trying to recondition old habits of self sabotage and negative thinking. Doing the old attempt at understanding why I don’t believe in myself in the first place. Do I like who I was? What was so special about me anyway? At all stages of life.
Needless to say, it was a long period of dragging myself through life because I did not know how to walk. I know that seems strange, dragging myself, my future me, the one that was already on the other side. Maybe it was past me pushing me forward saying, don’t give up now! Perhaps it’s the footprints poem and the unconditional love of a higher being. Either way, I persevered and with each time I did, I came to, more and more, until I could no longer ignore my worth, value and ability.
First, I traveled to Europe in April of 2023 and managed two retreat weekends in a location we had never worked with before to great success. I remember walking away from this feeling exhausted, the work felt hard. I knew I pulled it off, but I didn’t know after that if I could do it again, or wanted to do it again. Shortly after this, I kicked off a new festival with very little preparation and yet, a new glimmer of “I got this” attitude. I was rewarded with endless support. I spent August preparing two Camp retreats and a festival and I was suddenly working harder than I intended to. I was perpetually a week or more behind and often fought off feelings of failure, insecurity and lack of confidence that I could pull any of it off. And somehow I did, not as well as I had hoped, however, I did, and I did it well, even in struggle I found success.
This all started to surface in two ways. The first was the support for the new SAVI FEST in Arizona, so the recognition that my community believed in me. It would be rude not to believe in myself after all that. Second I was going into the second year of a new improv program I helped design for the UArizona Medical School. The first year was riddled in anxiety as I tried to hold status in an environment where I felt I had to prove myself. Luckily not to my colleagues, whose support was endless. I had trouble not being intimidated and it took a long while to be confident in myself as the expert in the room. However, as we were about to start a second year of the program due to great success, it was starting to feel different. I was finally recognizing that I had every right to believe in myself and what I was teaching. Thirdly, my final Camp retreat at the end of September, after hard consistent work to be prepared, our last retreat of the season. I remember telling my husband before leaving “all is set, I’m fully prepared, now I just get to coast through the weekend.” I thought for sure all my hard work would make it a smooth sail. We arrived and discovered there was a misunderstanding with our dates. We’d arrived on the wrong weekend. By some grace, we were offered a solution by shuffling all our attendees to different accommodations and sharing the campsite with another group. This was shocking, heartbreaking and sent us in crisis mode immediately. We took deep breaths and persevered through the evening to ensure we were doing right by our participants and setting up everyone as best we could. It wasn’t ideal, but in the end, with our pivoting and adapting, we were still able to present the same experience for our campers. We now have a story, that could have been a tragedy, ended up being a story of great perseverance. In that I was rewarded with compliments on my composure and management of the situation. Its hard to walk away from a situation like that, having pulled it off, and still feel incapable of handling anything that may come my way.
So this, this whole period of my mid-life, trying to find my way to my purpose and then onto success in that, it is all in development of my confidence and self-esteem. When I think back on my confident days in my 20s/30s, it’s clear that life can break you down, it can bust you up into pieces. You can choose to put yourself on a shelf and consider yourself unworthy. Or you mend or even repurpose yourself for the next chapter. I finally feel my feet back on the ground, I am focused on the now, I can look you in the eye and my anxiety is turning back into excitement for what’s waiting to unfold. I can trust that I’ll handle anything and lean into faith that my integrity will hold true.
To the next chapter of life, enjoying the journey, while dreaming of the destiny. No expectations, only hope.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I have been a gig employee since late 2017, after 16 years in the service industry. I started as an admin for The Torch Theater’s Training center, Arizona Actors Academy, Improv Utopia. I also made money teaching improv. I rode those gigs for a couple years and then in 2020, things changed as you know. So I started diversifying my portfolio by offering admin skills to other non-profit organizations outside of the arts and building websites. Now I just take any opportunity that feels like a good time and meets my value. Just this year I started a non-profit organization seeking to support an annual festival and so am for the first time in my life the Executive Director of SAVI FEST premiering in August 2024. This is a new organization and I am volunteering to its success at the time being, however, hopeful that it grows into something that could support many jobs. I am eager to run a business and to do so in a way that brings value to other peoples lives as well as my own.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Morals & Ethics – although this is something that broke me as I struggled with “am I good enough”. I recognize that having a strong compass for being a quality organization or employee is something that contributes to holding your head high and walking proud. You know you operate with integrity and that’s a strong thing to stand behind.
Systems & Infrastructure – I attribute all that I am able to crank out for my new business right now as knowledge I gained from my admin positions. As an admin, you have to utilize the systems and when you become capable in that, you learn more problem solving systems, gain intuition and eventually you’re capable of building them. It’s incredible, I would never have thought when I first started taking student registrations back in 2007 that I’d be able to engineer the things I can with technology today.
Patience & Kindness – People need this.
Do not back away from a challenge. It’s getting through the tight spots that reveal the vast opportunity on the other side. I was like a piece of glass in the water and sand over years. I recognize that my strengths, my gifts and my voice were being, and still being forged. Life is not about one destination, it’s about many and the journey provides the tools for the next adventure. Don’t stop dreaming, hoping, wondering and imagining the impossible.
What was the most impactful thing your parents did for you?
I think the most impactful thing my parents did for me was leave me be. It’s hard to say whether they had a choice, the story is that I’ve always been independent. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if my upbringing had been different. However, I wouldn’t want to find out or trade it. I feel I have a very grounded perspective of life, I am realistic and aware of my existence as a human being on Earth. Yet, I get to wonder, I get to adventure, I get to have my opinion one day and change it another. I get to be my own person.
OH! I just thought of another good impactful thing. Honesty. My parents gave me honesty and the ability to face it.
I can remember all the impactful conversations about being dishonest in vivid memories.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://savifest.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goldtoothe/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jacque.arend/
Image Credits
Alex Lee Michael Astrauskas
