We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jacqueline Ayala-Alonzo a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Jacqueline, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I’ve always struggled with my confidence and self-esteem, especially when I first moved back to California. My last three years of high school were awful and I always felt less than everybody else. No matter how hard I worked, it just never seemed good enough and that took an emotional toll on my mental health. I feel like at that point in my life, I began comparing myself to others which would stress me out more than I should have been. As far as I can remember, I don’t recall ever being bullied in school, so my lack in confidence and low self-esteem came from myself. I have been my own saboteur. My mom has always told me to stop being so negative and if something doesn’t go my way, it’s probably for the best and I shouldn’t fight it. When I got to college, I knew it was going be a challenge to really be confident, but being more independent helped a little bit. Over the course of my four years as an undergraduate, I became more confident in my work and for my plans ahead. I think my time in the school newspaper really pushed me out of my comfort zone. For my first article, I had to speak with the president of the university, so you can probably imagine how nervous I was, but a quick phone call from my friend reassured me that I was capable to get the story done. During graduate school, I wanted to push myself even further and not be afraid to walk up to someone and strike a conversation. As a producer, I’ve had to speak a variety of people both in above-the-line and below-the-line positions. At times, I tend to overthink a quick phone call with someone or I’m reading an email over and over making sure I say everything I need to say.
As someone who has always been plus-size, I do think my body image has also affected my self-esteem. Sometimes I’ll look in the mirror and feel a bit upset about my body. Other days, I feel amazing and I’m ready to take on the day.
I will say that my confidence and self-esteem is definitely still a work in progress, but as of late last year, I’ve finally taken the steps to become a better version of myself and boosting my confidence. I will continue to work on myself as I continue to grow older and be proud of all the effort I’ve put in.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I’m a filmmaker who in my three years has done many crew positions from assistant camera to producer to production assistant. However, I feel my best work comes from being a producer. I consider myself a very organized person and it’s always exciting for me to hire crews for each project. It can be stressful at times especially when someone is no longer available and I need to find a replacement or making sure everyone on the team is on the same page. As a producer, I’m always on the lookout for new people to add to my list of recommendations for both myself and anyone else who may need a few positions to fill. The most exciting thing about being a producer is when everything comes together and when it’s finally time to shoot, I think to myself “wow, we did it!” I enjoy all types of short film projects especially if the story is well-written, but my favorite projects are when they are Latino-led. I’ve made so many friends through Latino-led projects and it’s always a fun time whenever I get the chance to work with them on sets. Latinos are still the most underrepresented group in films, tv and any form of media, so I’m someone who wants to continue to push for more representation and the only way to do that is to support each other whether it’s behind or in front of the camera.
I actually have a few projects up my sleeve. This summer, I am going to be co-producer for a short film called “Rocketship,” and I’m eager to bring this story to life. I’m also producing, directing and co-writing another short with my friends, which we have plans to shoot hopefully by the end of the year. It’s been a project that has faced many obstacles and at one point, we had to start again completely from scratch. It’s a great story about PAs that we hope many filmmakers will relate and enjoy! During my free time, I like to write scripts. Aside from the PA story, I’m also writing the next legend in my series of legends from Guatemala as well as a story based on my mother. These coming months are going to be very exciting for me. I am still in my festival run with my directorial debut, “La Siguanaba,” so I’m hoping by the time that ends later this year, I’ll have my next film ready to take on the festival circuit.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
The three qualities that have led me thorough each job is attention to detail, speaking up and collaboration. As a producer, it’s so crucial to have an attention to detail because my job is to accomplish tasks thoroughly and be concerned with all areas of a project until completion. I do not like to leave projects incomplete and no matter how big or small a task is, I make sure it gets done in a timely manner. When I first started out, I was so afraid of speaking up and asking questions when I was unsure about something. However, over time, I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask questions and be able to clear any confusion I may have whether it’s in pre-production or on set. Finally, this career I’ve chosen is very collaborative heavy and relies on working together as a team. You can’t make a good film without a great team to back you up through the whole way. As an only child, I was so used to doing things on my own that collaborating was a big change to make, but so worth it. Collaboration has also helped me in making connections at different networking events and I’m very grateful for everyone I’ve met so far in my career.
The best advice I can give to anyone especially in the film industry is to be nice to everyone and I mean everyone. Being friendly can go a long way and who knows the person you’re being nice to can get you that next job on set, you just never know who is watching. Most of the people I’ve met are pretty nice, which is great, but I have met some rude people on sets and they are people I wouldn’t recommend for the next job. Being on set is already stressful enough, so having to deal with attitudes puts a damper on things.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
Feeling overwhelmed is never easy, but I have definitely found ways to overcome it when it happens. I’ll give an example of when I felt the most overwhelmed, it was the first day on set of my short film, “La Siguanaba.” Being the director was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’m grateful to have done it. I felt so overwhelmed because all eyes were on me and I got so in my head, that I couldn’t concentrate on what I needed to do. In order for production to run better, I needed some time to step away and reflect what went right and wrong and how to go forward. When my team did reshoots a few months after the original shoot dates, it gave me time to not touch the script and come back to it when I was ready. I know it took some time, but it assured me a successful reshoot day!
It’s totally okay to feel overwhelmed, it can happen to anyone and don’t be afraid to take a step back. I would say definitely go do an activity you like to do or anything to keep your mind off whatever is making you feel overwhelmed. Once you feel ready to conquer it, go for it! Until then, take a moment to relax and if necessary, ask for help. Some things can’t be done alone and you’ll need an extra hand to help you achieve your goals.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://jacquelineayala943.wixsite.com/mysite
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacqueline_ayala/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jacqueline-a-085980117/
- Other: https://m.imdb.com/name/nm13349851/
Image Credits
Maritza Alonzo, Jacqueline Ayala, Natalie Valle, The Lounge Booth
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