We recently connected with Jacqui Blue and have shared our conversation below.
Jacqui, we can’t begin to explain how much we appreciate you sharing about your PPD experience, but we can say that so many in our community are suffering from or have suffered from postpartum issues including postpartum depression and so you sharing your story and how you overcame it might help someone who is going through it right now or in the future. What can you share with us about how you overcame PPD? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
In my 20s I had five children with my ex-husband, within 5 years. We started with twins. He finally got a vasectomy during my last pregnancy because it was obvious that hormonal and over the counter birth control wasn’t working on my end. However, I never really felt true postpartum depression after any of those pregnancies. I wasn’t happy with the way my 4th child’s birth went and I wanted a do-over of that whole experience, which did have me depressed over how it played out but it wasn’t what I would call true postpartum depression.
However, 13 years after the birth of my youngest child with my ex-husband, I conceived a daughter and after her birth, I felt a deeply emotional and hormonal wave of PPD that left me completely paralyzed on an emotional level. I went through most of my pregnancy on my own, as my decision not to terminate the pregnancy effectively terminated the romantic relationship with her father, who was immediately back on dating apps while I was home; heartbroken, hormonal, and alone. I experienced antepartum depression throughout my entire pregnancy. Then in the postpartum period, commonly referred to as the 4th trimester, I found myself even more alone. My older children are now teenagers and young adults, whose pastimes do not include hanging out with mom and helping out with a baby. I was taking care of this precious helpless tiny baby and myself, with no help from anyone. It was very hard. Mentally and emotionally I didn’t have the strength to do anything but cry for weeks at a time. I didn’t leave my room, and only left my bed to go to the bathroom or bathe my baby. I held my baby, nursed my baby, changed diapers, and worked on my laptop all from my bed. No one was calling or texting and I wasn’t reaching out either. My mom FaceTimed once a day because she wanted to see the baby.
If I had to describe this feeling in imagery, I would ask you to imagine a beautiful vibrant, colorful painting of a lively garden or field of flowers and then imagine that very same vibrant piece of art is drained of all color, and flowers are wilted, damaged or dead. I went from elated and in love to hopeless and in despair. That feeling only persisted and intensified as time went on and it didn’t lessen or let up any. Instead I felt like it was choking me and I knew i needed to tap into my creative outlets and coping mechanisms or I wasn’t going to survive this intense postpartum period. I was not an immediate danger to myself or anyone else but I knew if the intensity of this depression kept growing stronger, it would have consumed every last bit of optimism that I was grasping onto as an emotional life support system.
So, what did I do next? Well, I’m a writer. So, I wrote. I had just experienced a very intense birth experience with my daughter that was completely unassisted, and didn’t go according to plan. In 2014 I released my first documentary that highlights the Midwifery model of care, called Beautiful Births. In 2020 I launched my Beautiful Hypnosis-Births program online, and now here I was with a toolbox of hypnotherapy and creative outlets I knew I could use to reframe my thoughts, and help me through this postpartum depression. I began to practice a strict mental diet.
With my mental diet I became very mindful of what music and entertainment I was exposing myself to and I became more conscious of my inner talk and mental-chatter. If I caught myself going down a negative thought path, I would stop the negativity and reframe it to the equal and opposite positive thought or I would shift my thought and focus altogether. This shifting of focus is what led me to writing my first book, which is also a first-of-its-kind book as I did something revolutionary with it and included a full six session hypnotherapy program into the book itself via QR codes that connect the reader to videos and Guided-Hypnosis MP3s. I also chose to include extended free postpartum support through the Beautiful Hypnosis-Births website for all parents who need it, because I realized that’s really where new parents need the most help. Having gone through a pregnancy and postpartum period on my own, I know how bad it feels and how much harder it is when you have no one. As a writer, as an artist, as a mother, and as a human, I wanted to turn my negative experience into something that could help someone else and help make their experience easier through sharing about my own, and sharing my work with others. I asked myself “How can I use my pain and turn it into a positive?” so once my focus shifted into that mode and that line of thinking became my dominant postpartum mindset, I poured all the energy that wasn’t going to my daughter into the Beautiful Hypnosis-Births book project, taking my work as a filmmaker and a hypnotherapist – fusing them together and creating my first published book, officially making me a published author. Through the bleak darkness of my postpartum journey I was finally able to see some light in giving birth to this new project. And that is also why this book is so special to me; not only is it the first-of-its-kind, but it also quite literally saved my life.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I am an independent filmmaker, a certified clinical Hypnotherapist, and a writer/author. My focus is on human and social issues, as my first two films highlight the midwifery model of care and addressing the suicide crisis. My hypnotherapy work focuses on helping clients heal their wounded inner child, master limiting beliefs, maintaining a healthy mental diet, and empowering my clients with teaching them how to tap into and unleash their subconscious superpowers. I also enjoy past life regression work and find it to be healing and transformative with my clients who are interested in that work as well.
I will be publishing my second book, “Mind Magic: Unleash Your Subconscious Superpowers” and I am also currently developing Inner Child Healing and Limiting Belief Mastery courses that I will launch on my Mind Magic website as companions to the book, for anyone who would like to dive deeper into those topics than what I cover in the book.
I’m a champion for moms and especially single moms, and one of my big projects in the works is going to be focused on getting moms the support they need. It’s really sad to me that women can be the biggest bullies and critics of other women. The mommy-wars and mama-drama has got to stop. It’s not productive or helpful on any level and only causes more harm to women, mothers and their children. So I’m working to help shift that to also shift the negative stigma against single moms, because given the opportunities, single moms are truly capable of great things.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
When you don’t have a strong support system you need to have strong coping mechanisms in place. For me, these last few years, coping mechanisms have been my best survival tool. I also credit a strict mental diet to my personal resilience. We can’t allow ourselves to listen to negativity and speak negatively to ourselves, keeping ourselves in victim mode and expect to get anywhere we want to go in life. It’s never easy, but persisting through the obstacles and learning how to weather the storms of life with creative coping mechanisms and a mental diet have contributed to my resilience and perseverance. It is my mental wiring towards optimism and the belief that all my hard work will one day pay off and not go unnoticed is what fuels me to keep me going.
So in summary, I advise having (1) strong coping mechanisms if you don’t have a strong support system, (2) a healthy mental diet, and (3) a belief in yourself and the work you’re doing .
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
I write. I paint. I engage in some form of artistic or creative outlet. Keeping the hands busy will help an anxious mind. This is why fidget toys have become so popular in recent years; they busy the hands so the mind can relax a bit. When I feel overwhelmed I find that writing and painting are my favorite go-to outlets. Writing is more helpful if I have a lot of emotional thoughts I need to release and painting is more helpful when I have too much overwhelming my mind and need to zone out and shut it all down. It’s a quick way to get into theta brainwaves, which is the hypnosis state; the intuitive state, where our parasympathetic nervous system is soothed.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://mindmagiccoach.com, https://beautifulhypnosisbirths.com, https://starseedpictures.net
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@StarseedPictures , https://www.youtube.com/@beautifulhypnosisbirths , https://www.youtube.com/@MyMindMagic
