We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jacy Kirby. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Jacy below.
Jacy , we’re so excited for our community to get to know you and learn from your journey and the wisdom you’ve acquired over time. Let’s kick things off with a discussion on self-confidence and self-esteem. How did you develop yours?
I developed my confidence and self-esteem after years of having none. The phrase, “fake it ’til you make it,” were words I lived by. I’d wear a jovial mask, but internally, I was a swirling pool of insecurity, chaos, and self defeating diatribe. I think on this journey of life, we all have moments of unsureness or doubt, but I was made up of it. It took learning that I as myself, as the being I am, is enough. I also had to learn what it means to be me, in every meaning of that phrase. I had to practice doing things for myself rather than the world and others around me who wouldn’t do in return what I was willing to do for them.
It also took beginning therapy as well. A huge point of self growth was finally setting down my pride and accepting that the help and growth I would receive from therapy would be ten fold compared to what I was able to do on my own. Shoutout to my therapist Madison! I also feel it necessary to shoutout Taoism at this moment in time. The philosophy/religion has been a huge foundation in my overall confidence. It has helped me understand that what will be will be, what is, is, and in the end, I will be okay as me. Acceptance of yourself, flaws and all, allows you to become more confident rather than fighting with yourself tooth and nail.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am a health coach who focuses on mental health advocacy. I myself am currently in recovery from a binge eating disorder and bulimia through exercise. I have been in the deepest trenches of my own psyche and know what it is like to be so lost in the darkness you’ve forgotten what the light even feels like. With clients, I work with them on positive behavioral change. Everything starts in the mind, and if you attack fitness, health, and your well being from a negative or frustrated state, you’ll only receive negative feedback in return. Acceptance is key. You don’t have to like it, but accepting the current circumstances allows you to move forward. If we become stuck, we can’t rely on luck to get us where we want to go. I help my clients achieve their health and wellness goals- whether that be weight loss, weight gain, bettering their relationships with food, increased health, strength, etc.
I also own both a nutrition coaching business, “Kirby’s Nutrition Kitchen” as well as a freelance writing business, “Kirby Can Write LLC.” Within my nutrition coaching business, I aim to teach my clients sustainable eating habits. Eating is lifelong, and so is our relationship with it. There will undoubtedly be moments of tribulation, but I help my clients build the tools and the foundation so that when those storms hit, they know how to weather the wind.
In my freelance writing company, I mainly write for mental health advocacy and eating disorder organizations like NEDA (National Eating Disorder Association) and The Eating Disorder Coalition where I am also a member and work with local and state representative to enact better outreach for eating disorders. I also edit and revise pieces of poetry and short stories for other authors as well.
I also have two published books of poetry on Amazon as well as a podcast on all major streaming platforms. The first book of poetry, “To My Eating Disorder,” was published March 2023, and focuses on both my journey to and of recovery. My second book, “For Heartbreaks & Soulmates,” is a genre shift and is poetry for those who love love. My podcast, “Blossom Where You Bleed” is about my journey in recovery where I use the space as a place for tips and philosophies that have helped me on this journey of self growth. I also have a sequel to my first book, “Recovery: The Spaces Between My Eating Disorder” coming out this year as well as a collection of horror flash fiction and short stories later as well!
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
The most important piece of advice I have picked up along my journey is this: you are allowed to just be. To exist. You owe nothing to the universe other than pursuing the version of yourself you wish to be. Your meaning is determined by you existing, and from it, you are completely free to create the life you want.
I also have learned that having hobbies and distractions when times get tough is immensely helpful. I love to write. I love to read, and to learn. I love to play Super Smash Bros on my Switch. I love to spend time with my wife, Chloe, and our golden retriever puppy, Teddy. I like slower walks with the specific intent on creative creations rather than exercise. Distractions help when any sort of negative self talk arises. This is different than escapism and procrastination. The former is a temporary solution which allows you to weather the storm and move forward past the fray. The ladder only limits who you can be because you are afraid to face the things you fear.
Within that last point, I have also learned that practicing positive self talk is key to actualizing who you want to be. We all deserve to blossom where we bleed, to grow and to bloom. A lot of times, especially for myself, my internal self talk got in my own way for years. I had to relearn how to speak to myself and it starts by speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to your spouse, or parent, or best friend. Start to notice when your internal self talk is starting to wane negative, catch those words, challenge yourself; why are you speaking yourself that way and is it necessary? Spoiler, the answer is no. Start to change your dialogue, and you’ll start to change the way you see yourself.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
Two people immediately come to mind. First, my wife, Chloe, has saved my life in every meaning of the phrase. Without her, I would not be here writing this, and I might not even be here on this earth. She was instrumental in my self growth and becoming the man I am now. She herself struggled with bulimia and when we met and started dating, she was further along in her recovery than I was. More specifically, I was so far gone in the depths of my disorder that I was convinced week long water fasts followed by 20,000+ calorie (yes, you read that right and it’s not hyperbole) binge episodes were good for me. Chloe was everything in my understanding that there was a life outside of one’s eating disorder. She helped me find faith and belief in myself. She is the foundation for which I am built, and I owe her my life. It is my life’s goal to provide her the same love, support, and unconditional bliss she has given to me.
The second person is my therapist, Madison. She has also been instrumental in my recovery and self growth. When we first started seeing each other in 2022, I was already further along in my recovery than I’d ever been, but there were still kinks I needed to work out to make my life sustainable. Through our weekly sessions, she has helped me better my internal dialogue, avoid relapses, and find proper footing in who I am. She is a huge source of help for me and all of her clients. She owns her own practice where she specializes in eating disorder therapy, as well as general therapy. Her business is called “Bloom Body & Healing LLC.” To whoever needs it, I highly recommend her ten fold. Without her, I would not be where I am in this life nor would I be able to confidently say, “I love who I am.”
Contact Info:
- Website: https://linktr.ee/kirbstop
- Instagram: jacy_kirby33
- Facebook: Jacy Kirby
- Other: https://rss.com/podcasts/blossomwhereyoubleed
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