Meet Janessa Neighbors

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Janessa Neighbors a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Janessa, thank you so much for joining us today. There are so many topics we could discuss, but perhaps one of the most relevant is empathy because it’s at the core of great leadership and so we’d love to hear about how you developed your empathy?

Thank you for having me and for taking the time to get to know me!
The conditions that allowed me to develop my empathy are both personal and professional.
Personal-wise, I’ve been the “mediator” of very personal, painful conflicts (parents’ divorce, various family dysfunction conflicts), when I didn’t want to be. I am also a survivor of various types of abuse so the continued healing aftermaths of that, gave me the ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes no matter the situational circumstances. The healing aftermaths also improved my emotional intelligence so that I could feel what the person is going through without unknowingly absorbing it. Plus it has helped me in my own healing journey with all the thoughts I have and various feelings I often go back and forth with at times. In the dating world, some of my past partners that I’ve had were challenging but they also allowed me to grow as a human being and as a lover. The aftermath of each relationship also made me grow up too. I had exes who were possessive, I had exes were emotionally immature, I had exes who just ghosted me with no explanation of “why”. These partners reinforced the reminder that I needed to love myself first and not try to fix that person. These exes mirrored in many ways the unhealthy relationships I had with various family members, both blood and adopted, where I was a fixer and/or I was the glue that kept them together so it was only a matter of time that I needed to detox my social circle, bring in more individuals who give me the same energy that I give out. My current partner gives me the same energy that I give out. I think of our relationship dynamic, and I thank the Universe/God that it happened, and it happened when it was supposed to. Generally, I have always been able to just find a common connection with individuals that I’ve met and stay connected with over the years from life stories, societal norms that don’t make any sense to me or the person I’m engaging with, to discussing mindsets and various views in different topics (religion, politics, planet Earth, etc.). I’ve always loved connecting with people because there’s always something new you learn about, not just in that person, but as how we are as a society in the terms of mindset changes, the “norms”, various types of growth, and various perspectives that maybe haven’t been revealed or even accepted yet. I find these various human connection engagements both intriguing but also internally fulfilling. But I also know that the painful past experiences that I’ve endured grew me, despite the shitty circumstances. They allowed me to look at the world through different lenses, see how two or more people in a room could have different views of one topic, decide who I want in my life and who needs to exit, and decide how I want my life path to continue. I’m a big believer that the healing aftermath of any experience, will grow you and will have you wanting to seek more knowledge, more opportunities to connect dots so gaps can close, and more wisdom can be gained, if you welcome it.

Professional-wise, I have a few years of experience in various industries such as food & beverage, retail, healthcare, and as a volunteer. I have learned in simple scenarios as well as in challenging scenarios on how to be people person. As fast paced as we all are in society, we often forget to slow down and be intentional with any routine or interaction we have. I have learned to listen to people’s concerns, find common ground with them, see things from their perspective, even if it I don’t relate to it. During my time as a healthcare manager, I have had to listen to people’s concerns but also have the backbone to say when something just can’t be done either ethically or financially then see what other options we had. Boundary-setting was also something I had to learn during this time because the more energy, time, and focus I kept giving out, the less I had for myself at the end of the day. Now, I either give equal reciprocation or I make sure the love, time, and focus I give to myself is more than what I give out to others. I’ve always considered myself to be an empathic person. The level of empathy, that was something that grew as I matured, but with empathy, I learned that sometimes it’s okay to see situations for how they are and decide what to do next rather than justify it. Empathy can have a backbone too.

Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?

So first, I’m not originally from Savannah, GA. I always say I have two home states that I was raised in: Ohio being my birth state and Pennsylvania is where I was mostly raised in. I’ve met my lifelong best friends in Pennsylvania while in school, have had a lot of life experiences there that I go into brief detail later on, and I’ve created a lot of good professional connections also that I’m still in touch with today. I moved to GA for the warmer climate as the snow was physically brutal for me due to my scoliosis. I also wanted to finish school in an area that had a lot more opportunity and culture than my hometown. Also, I wanted a fresh start due to some painful past experiences that I endured. I needed to leave behind a lot of toxicity and I had loved ones down here that encouraged me to do so. This year marks six years of residency and I don’t regret my decision at all. I also met the love of my life and lifelong friends here so my “yes” to moving, opened many doors for me! GA is the state where I grew as a person and found “me”. Whoever knew me 6+ years ago, has to get to know me, if they haven’t already lol!

After graduating graduate school, I knew eventually I wanted to be my own boss or at least create something meaningful of my own that others would also enjoy. While in my management position at one of our local hospitals here in Savannah, I became a health coach with a wellness company and I enjoyed it! My relationship with food, exercise, and overall wellness dramatically improved with that company plus the ladies I worked with were/are the sweetest! It also gave me the opportunity to start re-connecting with myself in all the ways (spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally). My goals then were to make memories, gain many experiences, learn the company, and learn skills that would help me thrive in whatever I was going to create. That creating part I was stuck on & my “why” for it, I wanted to have a deeper meaning for it.

After a year or so into the business and while also becoming certified in life and relationship coaching, I settled on making this health coaching experience my own thing that I do and just create things to make it more my own. I also started my healing process during this time because before starting it and during the dark times of my life, I struggled with self care & putting myself first. I struggled to find a space where I could be my full self without shame, without guilt, without societal expectations, without the advice echos of my external influences because I either didn’t have it at all from caregivers or I had a space but it wasn’t fully fulfilling. Anytime I attempted to put myself first, the outcome was 50/50 and now I don’t care what the outcome is, as long as I’m happy with it. So, during my continued healing journey, I thought to myself almost two years ago “if I can’t find a community space that is what I’m looking for, where I can just be a human being, I’m making one myself! And I immediately began brainstorming and figuring out what would make a fun environment but also an intentional one. Then one day at work, I had an epiphany and it really hit home for me!

My life & relationship coaching virtual business that I’m starting is called Nessa’s Safe Space. My first full name is Janessa but I often go by Nessa for short! The Safe Space portion of the business is going to be both for me and those that want to join me in a healing, empathic, loving, overall safe space! The overall creative theme is my own take, which I love multichromatic colors, abstract art, astrology, various galaxy themes, psychological inspiring art, inspiring quotes, and anything celestial.

My main personal and professional visions are to have a virtual safe space outside of the world’s chaos and the personal traumas that we’ve all endured. Where we can talk about our human struggles, we can laugh, cry, find things out about ourselves that we never considered or had but were ashamed of, where we can have open discussions about intentional topics that are meant to help us grow as well as open discussions about random topics that we’re just dying to talk about and make sense of. This space is to help you make time for you, learn about the person you are, learn about the person(s) you are with, build better relationships with loved ones as well as with yourself, and find healing ways to overcome the trauma, that caused an inner disconnection. We tend to lose our sense of self when traumas happen and I wanted to create a space where we can lovingly reconnect with ourselves. The most exciting parts about this isit is all-inclusive. Being a biracial gay human being, I want this space to be welcoming and to feel like a virtual home for those who need/want one. I believe that is my ultimate goal-to have a welcoming home for those who may not have one or do but it’s not fulfilling.

When I reflect on my past life experiences in high school going into adulthood, I had to #1 forgive myself for doing what I had to do while in survival mode & #2, find silver linings in the abuse & manipulation that I endured, in the parentification role that I was trapped in, in the losses of loved ones who were unhealthy for me, in the time losses with loved ones that I had to mourn, dealing with the experiences of my parents’ divorce and struggling to detach from the therapist role that I was put into. I was also starting college and new jobs in these times so managing my time with these experiences was very challenging but I made that my priority, since finding a source of stability was my priority. My body was on cortisol overdrive and my overall health (mental, emotional, spiritual) was in a bad condition but I found a few ways to stay positive. I knew that these traumas mentioned and more, were teaching me life lessons that I could carry with me, whether I saw it then or not. Many people don’t often see it this way & that’s okay, but I’m a firm believer that there’s a lesson in everything. I have found peace and closure in that.

Now, I’m 26, soon to be 27 years old. I’m a Certified Life & Relationship Coach. I’m about to be Certified in Bookkeeping for those who are in need of services. This was something that I wanted to learn how to do but knew it would also be beneficial long term. I’m also about to be a Certified Zumba instructor because dance and music has always been another therapeutic source for me. I have Bachelor’s degree in Psychology & Master’s in Healthcare informatics. Most importantly, I found peace and I’m expanding on that peace! I am no longer a health coach, as I’m wanting to put that more into my own business and not be partnered with another company, hence Zumba! This was something that always spoke to me but I didn’t know where to start, so my vision for it was blurry. But after having coaching experiences with another company, finding both clarity and healing from my dark times, the vision is clearing up fairly quickly. Plus I find so much joy in creating this and seeing how it’s coming together, I know many will enjoy this and will find peace in it too!

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

When I look back, the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in my journey were the abiity to see the optimism of the various situations that I’ve been in even when it was hard, to be able to navigate life’s bumpy roads so that I could eventually get onto smooth paved roads lol, and being wise enough to know when something is meant for me to continue to be in or when someone is meant for me to continue to be around/with.

My advice is simple! Life will always teach you something, even when you don’t think it can. I consider myself wise beyond my years but I still have a lot of learning to get through myself, so I won’t say that I “know it all”. But I will ask questions. Always, always, always ask questions. I don’t mean just any question, ask the difficult ones, ask the hard ones, the ones that could grow you, the ones that come up when your intuition or gut feeling is activated. Ask the ones that bring you a sense of clarity and peace. Feelings of clarity and peace are some of the best feelings in the world. My younger self didn’t ask those questions, but the present me is now. Once, you have those orbiting in and around you, in your life, you won’t want to go back to the “old ways.”

One of our goals is to help like-minded folks with similar goals connect and so before we go we want to ask if you are looking to partner or collab with others – and if so, what would make the ideal collaborator or partner?

Yes, so my website is not established quite yet as I can working on it still. But all the fun and any updates are on my Instagram. My username is Jayyy1228. My email is there and my DMs are open!

I’m always open to collaborating with anyone who finds what I’m doing interesting. I also like collaborating with other like-minded business professionals as it gives me the chance to connect with other people. I’m not picky when it comes to the specific kind of individual, I would say if they are able to have open-minded, deep conversations about topics and love to learn from other people, then that’s always a plus!

Contact Info:

• Instagram: Jayyy1228