Meet Jason Becton

We were lucky to catch up with Jason Becton recently and have shared our conversation below.

Jason, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.

I am a firm believer that each and every one of us holds a lot of insecurities and the challenge for us is to prevent those insecurities from keeping us down and defining us. I am a gay, Black biracial man who grew up in the 80s and 90s. Despite the fact that the area I grew up in was very racially diverse, I did not know really any other children who had a family structure that was similar to mine and I struggled to understand how I belonged racially. I certainly, at the time, did not know of any other kids or even adults who identified as gay or, if I did know of them, they were presented as someone I didn’t want to be. All’s to say that building confidence was off the bat going to be somewhat of a challenge.

One thing I had going for me though was a mother and grandmother who believed in me, nurtured me and pushed me to be everything that they knew I could be with gentle encouragement and support. When teachers didn’t believe that I was as smart as I was, my mother stepped in to advocate for me and to remind me that I WAS smart. While some people back then might have said that my mom was fighting my battles for me, I believe that she was teaching me how to stand up for myself and others. That’s not to say that I always felt completely understood in my household, especially when it came to race and sexuality, but the base was built for me to believe in myself and to be curious about discovering who I was.

Another way my confidence grew was through strong friendships that I developed with other LGBTQ teens in high school. Even now at 48 years old, I look back on those relationships as building a strong foundation of confidence that might otherwise not have been there. My friends and I really helped each other to understand that we were not alone and that we were good people capable of doing great things.

I did struggle to discover what it was I wanted to do in my life and to find the path to where I am now—a business owner—took lots of twists and turns. In high school, I wanted to be a veterinarian. Through most of college, I was set on going to medical school. Then, after a semester abroad in Paris, I decided against med school and wanted to find a job that would bring me back to France. That’s how I ended up in corporate advertising in my twenties.

Advertising was not the best confidence builder for me. I was one of a handful of people of color at the first agency I worked. There were three or four other black people in my department of about 120 people and it seemed to me like we were constantly overlooked by the folks making the big career-changing decisions. Though I certainly was not the most talented person in the department, I watched people who were less talented than me receive opportunities that I never did because, as I saw it, the department director looked at them and felt he had more in common with them. I had great mentors who advocated for me but, in the end, the way that the department was run didn’t seem to place a significant value on people like me.

One day while I was talking to a friend who was the only Black person in her department, we commiserated about being overlooked. In this conversation she shared her experience in working in an ethnic community where entrepreneurship sidestepped the traditional path to success. We talked about one day having our own businesses and that conversation was life-changing. I had worked in restaurants in college as a part-time job and had loved restaurant culture and grew an appreciation for cooking and entertaining. I never seriously considered pursuing restaurant work as a career because I went to a prestigious ($$$) four-year college where hospitality did not seem like the best path forward to paying down the considerable debt I amassed. But after working in the corporate world and not finding happiness, security or appreciation, I decided that I would work towards becoming a restauranteur so that I could be a business owner.

I drew my confidence from the same source I did when I was a kid—my mother and my close friends who believed in me. My mother was always supportive and proud of my work and career choices and never once did she express doubt in my ability to be successful. The role of a supportive parent in my life can’t be overstated.

Now, there’s a difference between lack of confidence and being cautious, and I am very much the latter. What helped me to start my business and not stay frozen and scared of financial ruin is the push from my husband who I met in culinary school and with whom I own our three businesses. Patrick is much more willing to take risks and has taught me to push forward more. I like to think that I rein him in a little from taking too many risks but I think it’s fair to say that we balance each other.

Having our businesses and seeing them do well and how they are appreciated in our community continues to build my confidence because I built them from nothing and believed in myself thanks to the matriarchs in my family and also my close friends. I knew that I was capable even when others didn’t see it in me and now my successes are my successes and my failures can be learned from so that I can continue to be the confident person I’ve grown to be against the odds.

Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?

One of the reasons why I decided to pursue becoming a business owner in the food industry is because there are few industries that are as rooted in community as food. It has been ten years since we opened our doors to the city of Charlottesville and this Black-owned, gay-family-owned business has been welcomed by its residents. We have tried to create a business and a brand that is part of Charlottesville. Over the years, we have collaborated and partnered with many causes and non-profits that we have believed in. We are not shy to express how we feel about issues that matter to us. I learned many approaches to branding and marketing while I was in the ad world, but I believe the best kind of marketing is authentic marketing and not being afraid to have a point of view and let people know who you are and what’s important to you. Our original business is named after our two daughters, Marian & Betty, and people know us and our story in town. We share our own brand of family values that include kindness, treating others the way you want to be treated and creating a more inclusive & welcoming world.

Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?

The first quality is patience. The creation of our first business was mostly self-funded and we knew that we probably only had one shot to get it right. Rather than try to rush into it, our approach was to learn and be as prepared as possible. We both worked in the food industry for many years before we took the leap. During that period we learned the styles of cooking and of work culture that we felt most comfortable with. We also learned how to work together. We didn’t rush it. We needed to get it right.

The second quality is flexibility. Many of the plans we had in the beginning had to be adjusted and since then we have had to take on many challenges and ride many waves i.e. Covid. Staying flexible, curious and creative in maintaining our businesses have helped them thrive.

The last quality may seem cheesy but it’s true: Follow the Golden Rule. I can’t say this enough—treat other people the way you want to be treated yourself. This pertains to the way we treat employees, how we expect them to treat each other and how we treat customers. We try to lead with kindness which is different than “the customer is always right” (*news flash*: they’re not). We rely on each other and the more we all feel seen, the better our experience will be.

Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?

There is a piece of advice that a kitchen colleague gave me a long time ago: “If you want to clear your mind when it’s stressful, clear your workspace.” This is certainly true while working on the line of a kitchen but it’s also true in life. When I feel overwhelmed, I try to clear my head from the weight of everything by taking on tasks one at a time and getting through them until they feel less onerous. Putting together a to-do list and making your way through it is really a form of stress relief in my opinion.

Another strategy is having the courage to ask for help. I have been guilty of trying to do it all in the past and it’s never a good feeling. Trusting people, letting them learn from making mistakes and letting go of absolute perfection is a liberating mindset change.

The last strategy is self care as a lifestyle. I have hobbies that bring me joy and I work out regularly which helps with stress. Forming (and forcing yourself to have) a work/life balance is key to preventing burn out and leaves you more ready to deal with things when they get hard.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://mariebette.com
• Instagram: @mariebettecafe
• Facebook: @mariebettecafe
• Other: Our two other shops have separate IG accounts. Petite MarieBette is @petitemariebette and our donut shop is @sbroccosdonuts

  Our donut shop’s website is sbroccos.com

Image Credits

Courtney Coker, Carrie Coleman, Keith Freeman, Andrea Hubbell