Meet Jay Cancel

We recently connected with Jay Cancel and have shared our conversation below.

Jay, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.

“I’m trying to love myself today.”

That was a sentence that I used to be deeply familiar with. Always trying, and somehow always failing. At this time, I have the incredible blessing of a community who speaks love and life into me with no expectations, but as a teenager I didn’t. I’d repeat that phrase, trying to use it as a shield but you truly are your own greatest enemy. Of course I wasn’t able to love myself out of that spiral, I know all of my own weaknesses. You cannot lie to yourself, or lie yourself into self love. Until I heard something that changed my perspective.

“If you are trying to love yourself, love what you do, what you are, then you already do. Where do you think the trying comes from?”

It was like new glasses were placed in front of my eyes. If you are trying to do something, you already are. I already had that self love, that confidence in myself and my abilities. My problem was the battle against unlearning the hatred I picked up for myself from others. Those voices weren’t mine. That mean spirited energy I gave to my writing, my photography, my being, it wasn’t mine.

That, along with stumbling across my loving found family, helped me also understand that I couldn’t get rid of those voices by myself. My self-esteem used to be based on what I could do on my own, how much of myself I could give away to help people who didn’t pour into me the way I poured into them. That’s not any way to live your life, I was not meant to be a vending machine for others to take what they need from me. This understanding convinced me to take that scary step towards therapy, and I really got so lucky with my therapist. My family was amazing at loving me, but too much of anything can be damaging. I needed someone who was willing to sit with me while I faced my own mirror but who didn’t let me make excuses.

I found my confidence through love. Love that didn’t come with any other expectations other than being someone I could be proud of. My self-esteem healed through accountability that also allowed for grace, because the battle is never over. It is a choice that you wake up and make every day, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to be able to make that choice.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?

I am incredibly blessed to have found my medium of art at 21. I’ve always had some kind of creative skill, as a child it was much easier to paint or draw or create instead of facing those big feelings that I didn’t understand yet. I still do those crafts, my home is definitely a craft fun house, but writing does something for me that those other creative mediums were not able to. I can really curate what I need to say, which is very important to me as a neurodivergent person of color, which is an energy that is very noticeable in my debut novel release, Perception Is Reality.

This book, at this time, is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. My real life experiences are weaved into this fiction story of a young girl who faces abuser after abuser, but she doesn’t win. I suspect this story is going to be rather difficult to query, but I wanted to explore a scenario where a young girl is failed over and over and faces punishment for it. She has no name, which is another aspect that was very important to me, because she is guilty. She did indeed commit the crime, but is it so easy to cast judgement when you witness her abuse? When you understand that she never developed an identity outside of her experiences, when you see her struggle with what I call her Monster, a part of her that essentially split from her wounds and was created to protect her.

This story is almost what I could’ve been, almost what a lot of us could’ve been. It is a story of neglect, of systemic oppression and failure. My goal with this story is to contribute to critical analysis conversations regarding how we as a people handle the ugly side of mental health, and how we often fail those who suffer from it. It’s not meant to be pretty, or wrapped up in a sparkly bow of “everything is okay” at the end.

I still have lots of work to do for this project, between the writing itself and creating a team to deciding between tradition and indie publishing routes it is far from finished. However, I do post updates on writing and other things I do, like beta reading or promotion for other authors, on places like my Instagram and Threads. I would love to welcome more people interested in conversations like these.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?

Accountability, communication and spite have probably been my most useful tools in my journey. You cannot heal without accountability. You have demons and bad habits, everyone does, but no one is responsible for them except you. And you cannot foster fulfilling, loving relationships without being able to admit when you messed up. Which is where communication comes in. You must be able to talk, whether its establishing boundaries for yourself or apologizing and understanding consequences. Spite is probably a me thing, I simply don’t like being told I don’t have what it takes to accomplish something.

Find people who are honest with you. Not cruel, but honest and there is a difference. You cannot avoid hurting feelings or stepping on toes, but you can handle it properly. Your village should speak love into you, but also truth when you mess up. They should hold you to high but attainable standards for behavior, because they want to see you succeed and evolve in ways that you are proud of. Hold on to your empathy, but allow no disrespect. Give grace but hold boundaries. Learn how to apologize without strings or expectations. Find your community.

Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?

Always! I am developing a very brilliant and talented group of authors and creatives over social media, although it was initially unintentional. But I am always hunting for more small indie authors to platform and talk about their books. I have several wonderful friendships and working relationships with PA’s, small business publishing houses, and many authors themselves. Personally I both beta and alpha read for authors, which I do not charge for, as well as street team promotions and ARC reads. I am open to all kinds of work conversations or friend to friend freak outs over good books.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: jaylynette.thebookdragon
• Youtube: jaylynette.thebookdragon
• Other: threads – jaylynette.thebookdragon
  instagram – jaylynette.thebookdragon
  substack – jaylynette.thebookdragon
  Pagebound – jaylynette.thebookdragon
  Storygraph- jaylynette.thebookdragon

Image Credits

Navya Marshall